Friday, July 01, 2005

Ahhh...Friday...!

A bitch is very excited about this long weekend. My ass will be catching up on some serious sleep and avoiding people all weekend long. Yeah! The fridge is stocked and I simply can’t wait to do nothing. You know your ass is grown when you look forward to sleep.

A certain Crankyprof must have been up early this morning! A bitch recommends a visit to her for the latest on Brooke versus Tomkat. If someone had told me 20 years ago that Brooke Shields would be writing an Op Ed in the New York Times, my ass would have snorted in his or her face. What is this world coming to? But a bitch must give Brooke Shields her due…she has earned an honorary bitch degree for defending her cause and condition. I can almost imagine her neck jerking as she breaks off her read…

Speaking of reads…

That Guy, who a bitch simply adores beyond all reason, has delivered one in honor of…well…in honor of great bitchy reads! Honey, tell it until it is forever told! TELL IT!! A bitch lives for this kind of accuracy.

I too was thinking about Independence and liberty and shit. It may come as a surprise to many of you, but a bitch is a pretty big fan of the July 4th holiday. Not only does it include grilled beast and the mass consumption of alcohol, it also celebrates a tiny group telling The Man to fuck off. I love that shit!

This year a bitch is dragging ass into the holiday. It’s true! I’m fucking exhausted. This is not so much a physical exhaustion as a mental exhaustion. After giving it some thought, my ass has come to the conclusion that carrying the burden of an enlightened mind is generally exhausting. This shit has not improved my mood at all.

A bitch needs a plan…

Things ABB Plans to Do To Maintain Her Sanity In the Modern World

Use the word no. A bitch is too eager to please. From now on, my ass plans to say no when I want to, which is often. No, I don’t want to do a favor for you. No, I don’t like that movie. No, you can’t sit next to me. And no, it wasn’t good and I won’t be calling your ass again…

Stop helping out when my ass doesn’t want to help out. A bitch is always trying to help motherfuckers out. Fuck it! It’s a dog eat dog world. A bitch fucking extends herself and assholes just take more. And can a bitch get some reciprocity? Hell no! From this day forward a bitch is doing what she wants to do and holding motherfuckers accountable. My ass if fed up with the lack of appreciation anyway.

Speak shit into being. It’s time to return to the space of positive thinking and declarations. From now on, a bitch will speak my wants into existence. It works. A certain Mr. Thurman is always speaking shit into existence. Okay, so he has powers. That doesn’t mean that my ass can’t develop some fucking skills too…

Stop lying. A bitch is always trying to spare peoples feelings. See, my ass used to be “too honest”. After several vicious confrontations in college, a bitch began to get more political and less accurate. Fuck that shit! Other people seem to feel empowered to be honest like a motherfucker with me. Well hold on, ‘cause the bitch has some reciprocity for that shit stored up.

This Independence Day a bitch is taking control!

Be safe...

Be free...

and be a bitch…

6 comments:

Eva said...

Stop helping out when my ass doesn’t want to help out. I could not have said it better. I was thinking that very thing last night! Too many people taking too many liberties right about now, as usual.

Have a safe holiday!

Jenna said...

Thanks I really needed that! I have 3 cats and a Mom I just told to move out! I have a couple of brothers that are waiting in line to move in...a door mat just needs to shake itself off and say "AH HEll NAh!" Thank You......I will be busy shaking myself off into something presentable....

It's Me, Maven... said...

A-MEN!!

re: speaking stuff into existence, hey, that's positive reinforcement. In AA they say, "Fake it to make it." I guess the mindset is to emulate that which you want to become, and eventually it manifests itself.

disgruntled said...

Consider it done!

I'm bitching all the way to the bank to get some money. To the liquor store to get some rum and to the bedroom to get some magnificent head action and chill the hell out the entire weekend!

JohnBallgame said...

I am gonna say no to eating out. Read my latest of review of the worst restaurants in the free world. Happy 4th Angry.

It's Me, Maven... said...

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