Tuesday, October 09, 2007

Great expectations, my black ass…

Lawd, a bitch woke up this morning in the foulest of moods. I’ve narrowed the problem down to overexposure to trifling ass motherfuckers and not enough sleep.

What?

A lot of people violate the Thou Shalt Not Trifle commandment of the United Church of Bitchitude and Latter Day Drunks. Add up those who where never raised, those who have totally forgotten their home training and those who have lost their motherfucking minds and…well, that’s a lot of people.

Blink.

Anyhoo, this bitch is in a mood.

Shall we?

Why the fuck is everyone discussing Fred Thompson’s first debate as if the man is five years old and this is his first day of all day school?

Hmmm?

I’d like to know.

Am I the only one who finds this “oh, I hope he doesn’t pee himself or drool!” pre-debate lowerfication of expectations familiar?

Jesus to Gawd, people! This is exactly what the conservative masters of spin did for Scooter B.!

Wince.

Don’t you see it?

Soylent Green is people!

Oh Gawd…its people, people!

Gasp!

Pause…collect thyself…continue.

A bitch is obviously concerned…and with good reason. Fred Thompson is being pitched to the right as the Mean Enough candidate…the guy who will kick that cute little progressive puppy twice and enjoy it. Those clever conservative spin masters have been all over the place stressing how intellectually lazy he is, how he’ll tow the evangelical line even though he doesn’t go to church and how he’s so allergic to rolling back the tax cut he has to carry an Epi-pen.

They don’t even care that Thompson, who was a young man in the 1960’s, somehow managed to circumnavigate the Vietnam War. It matters not as long as he maintains that pro Iraq War position.

Oh no…I’m not making much ado about nothing! Fred Thompson is Ronald Reagan and Scooter B. wrapped up into one fucked up from the floor up package!

He’s fat free decaf Soylent Green and that may be just the right spin to win him the Republican nomination.

We’ve got to anticipate this shit and prepare!

How do we guard against running the Arch Delux again (wince…it still stings) and at the same time expose the fact that fat free Soylent Green is people...people, damn it!!...without being accused of bullying a simple minded fool or pissing in the un-decideds' Corn Flakes?

Oh shit.

Fuck it all, I just made my own Afro hurt…

6 comments:

ghost_lurker said...

1. Cross-over voting.
2. Let the locals run the local campaigns and keep the Ivy Leaguers up Nawth.
3. Shut the Ivy Leaguers the hell up during the campaign. (Remember Alpha Male vs. Beta Male re: Al Gore?)
4. Negative ad campaigns. (We have a lot of material people. USE it.)
5. Work the churches.

Leota2 said...

I believe we are dealing with NO expectations here. So . . . .
Lure Mr. Law and Lazy down a deserted path with crunchy southern food and golf clubs. After about a thousand rounds of golf and endless fried comestibles he will fall asleep.
When he awakens, tell him the primaries are over.
Hell--he won't check, he's lazy. . . .

Garbo said...

Dayum! Bless you and your righteous bitchitude. That's the first smile I've had all day. I'm sure St. Fred of the Pick 'em Up Truck will manage to nail his lines tonight, he is an ACTOR after all, and everyone will just swoon all over spin room.

It's Me... Maven said...

ABB, please, check out the graphic I did of Thompson. It was inspired in part by his scrounging for applause recently... and is in the style of LOLCats! I couldn't resist!

SagaciousHillbilly said...

Please check out the SagaciousHillbilly. I've got a number of really darling family values pictures of Fred, his daughter and his grandchildren. I haven't been able to find any of Grandma yet, but I'm still looking.

Dusty said...

Amen Sista! Freddy is a tool of the highest order.