Tuesday, October 02, 2007

Damn unpretty...

This bitch was two sips in on my first cup of coffee when I glanced at the television set to see what was what on The Today Show…and beheld a sight inappropriate for morning viewage.

The Queen of Rancidity herself, Ann Coulter, was being interviewed by Mere (we’re not close, but a bitch has to admit I enjoy Ms. Vieira most of the time).

Lawd, that shit needed a ‘this segment contains language and images that may be disturbing to most humans so viewer discretion is advised’ warning…big time!

Anyhoo, once I got over the shock (c’mon, a bitch isn’t used to seeing frightfully thin faux commentators rocking the My Little Pony look…I told y’all I don’t watch FOX) this bitch listened to a re-run of Ann Coulter’s Delusional Bitterness Top Ten List only to find out that she was there to pitch a refried then twice baked version of Ann Coulter Never Made the Second Grade Kick Ball Team and She’s Not Over It Volume 10.

Blink.

Alright, Coulter was there to pitch her sorta-book and talk trash in service to the dark lords she loyally serves and everyone understood that The Today Show booked her to get an angry wild eyed conservative comment or two or three regarding the possibility that Evangelicals may form a third party rather than vote for Rudy.

In that moment…while watching Coulter perform…a bitch couldn’t help but think of Britney Spears.

Blink.

Yes, I said Ann Coulter on The Today Show reminded me of Britney Spears.

What?

She did! You know, in a tragic waste meets missed opportunities to be normal kind of way.

Oh, I buy that neo-conservatives get off on Coulter’s rants. What I’m questioning is her continued bookings on programs in the hopes that she will 'pull a Coulter'.

I think it’s a deliberate decision and, as much as I enjoy a fool being shown to be a fool, it makes me uncomfortable. Coulter long ago took the leap from biting conservative commentary to playing the farcical Meangirl McMeanie character for pay and continuing to serve that shit up to the masses and call it commentary is kind of dirty.

Where is the value in it…what insights does she provide…how does she advance the discussion of where we are going as a nation?

Honest to Gawd, does Coulter even speak for conservatives anymore?

But fuck it all, this morning Vieira sat there all but begging Coulter to say something crazy…to give the people a show. I almost expected her to shout “dance girl...dance!”

Hell, I bet Meredith slapped Coulter on her sharp pointy knee before the segment began and prepped her with “Okay Ann, just be the out of control intellectually lazy homophobic bigot we booked you to be and I’ll mention that book of yours. Okay? Great! Girl, you so crazy!”

Mercy.

Don’t fret…a bitch doesn’t have the back of The Queen of All Things Rancid and Rotting from Within.

I just think that I’ve drained all the schadenfreudal joy I’m going to get out of watching Ann Coulter play Ann Coulter and make an ass of herself on television.

Now she’s just a sad reminder of what the absence of feminist empowerment looks like…

…which is probably why she reminds me of Britney Spears who reminds me of Paris Hilton who reminds me of Anna Nicole Smith all of whom remind me that we’ve got a lot of work to do.

6 comments:

Anonymous said...

Thanks for reinforcing "why I don't watch TV in the morning".

NancyP

LeeSee said...

Yeah I saw her too but I had to change the channel and watch other inanities rather than watch Coulter.
It's insulting to me to have to watch this decomposing rot of a woman (some say she isn't)spew her poison on TV, what does she bring to the table other than her bitter insane world view?
Your take was pitch perfect, thanks I feel better now. Enjoy your blog and check you out almost daily.

Jeff said...

The Queen of Rancidity was enough to make me get up off the stationary bike at the gym and change the channel. And while I certainly did not appreciate having my exercise groove disrupted, there was no way I could sit there and watch that mess.

Dandy said...

That woman reminds me of the child in the original Excorsist movie.....every time she opens her mouth GREEN SHIT spews out!

Huntington said...

I don't think one needs to look for political reasons to see the resemblance. The dried-out, stringy bleach jobs, the nasty miniskirts, the imbecilic facial expressions...it's all there. Or are those inherently political?

The difference: I kinda feel sorry for Britney sometimes.

Gita said...

The worst thing you can say to Annie Annie Fo-Fannie is that she has become irrelevant. And remember: Peroxide poisoning is a form of brain damage. We should pity her irrelevant ass.