Thursday, November 16, 2006

Some bitchfirmations...

A certain Christopher commented yesterday and got this bitch thinking about bitchfirmations.

ABB’s Final Exam Bitchfirmation for those of you dealing with finals
To be said whilst preparing to leave to take the exam.

You are and forever will be the shit! There is no exam that is beyond your abilities.

Fluff that afro…moisturize your hands (because no one should take a test when ashy) and go on with your bad academic self!

Mmmhmm.

Although my ass is not wading through the drama of final exams (thank Gawd!), all the holiday planning and socializing seems to be begging for another dash o’ bitchitude.

ABB’s Pre-Feastitude Bitchfirmations…
Whilst grocery shopping for yummified must have ingredients…
Girl, don’t let these ignorant assed rude as hell bumping into a bitch’s cart and not even apologizing assholes get to you! You know not everyone has home training. Just take your list of required things and get your shop on!

Take comfort in the knowledge that those same rude as hell with no home training to be seen motherfuckers will be dining on flavorless dishes and lumpy ass gravy…

When feeling stressed about entertaining guests…
Have you lost your mind? Get festive for the love of all that is holy…go on…get! Friends and family are preparing to gather, eat and be happy. What the hell is wrong with that?

Cease stressing…freshen your fantabulous signature MAC Underworld lipstick (wink)…check that afro, which is so fine it is divine…and go on with your bad self!

After cleaning what can be cleaned, dusting what could be dusted and washing what needed to be washed…

Stop…fix self a vodka followed by ice followed by cran…and chill the fuck out!

Do you know who you are?

That’s right…you are the original sharktastic ABB diva-child!

And this is going to be a sharktastic ABB diva-esque Thanksgiving party.

Girl, you know what they say they say?

Ain’t no party like an ABB party ‘cause an ABB party don’t stop (wink)!

Toodles…

5 comments:

Susan D. said...

Speaking of yummified must-have ingredients - this weekend I'm digging out your sweet potato pie recipe in preparation for thanksgiving. Everyone asked me for this recipe last year, but I said it wasn't mine to give out! Thanks for your permanent contribution to my holiday table!

And, oh yeah, have I mentioned that your posts frequently make me wish I had an afro to be fluffed?

Christopher said...

Thank you for that, ABB! I'm printing it off and taping it to the top of my laptop so I can see it and be lifted up when I'm finaling...lawd, I needed that!

It's Me, Maven... said...

Hey ABB, isn't your sweet potato pie recipe over at Turdmania yet? I think you posted it last year... gotta dig that fine one up:)

PS: It's amazing isn't it? How many folks have NOT had home training?

Tubesy said...

I rarely comment here but I read your blog like a motherfucker. It is a blessing and an inspiration!

Anonymous said...

Damn...

I wish I read this before I went off to take my hellafied Public Finance exam for my masochistic professor...

He had the nerve to say after the exam.

"Its hard to feel good about your life after taking this exam. But it is a necessary excercise."

That fool won't get me next time. Thanks ABB!