Friday, November 03, 2006

Phone Banking and the Modern Bitch…

Lawd, a bitch is tired and slightly illish. I’m loosing my voice a bit, because I’ve been phone banking like a mad woman to get out the vote. Right now I sound a wee bit Kathleen Turneresque. Cough drops are helping, but this bitch anticipates sounding like Henry Kissinger by Tuesday.

So, if you get a call from a female Kissinger Monday, it's me (wink).

Sigh.

Anyhoo…

This bitch actually enjoys phone banking. It used to really suck, but now that folks have caller identification they are less likely to pick up the line and go off.

No one wishes more than this bitch that my fellow citizens didn’t need a verbal nudge to get their asses to the polls. The fact of the matter is that people do need that nudge and many respond to it, thus volunteers like me get to spend evenings with the political faithful chatting away on the phone rather than snuggled up under flannel-based blankets whilst viewing PBS like my black ass prefers.

Even though I find the pick up to hang up bandits rude as hell, a bitch must admit that the most annoying thing about phone banking is the recording you get when you dial a wrong number.

Mmmhmmm.

This bitch can’t stand that shit! Some sick fuck decided that dialing a number wrong or not knowing a number has been disconnected should be rewarded with severe and wince inspiring ear pain!

Why is that chime sound from hell so fucking loud? If a bitch looses my hearing I’m going to sue…or hunt someone down.

And that heifer that comes on after the loud as hell chime…you know the one with the smug tone and perfect diction who gleefully says “We’re sorry! The number you have dialed has been disconnected and is no longer in service!”?

Yeah, you know the one.

She's not sorry...uh uh, she not sorry at all! That's the happiest sounding sorry person a bitch has ever heard!

This bitch wishes my ass had powers and could reach through the phone, disconnect that smug heifer from her power source (a bitch is certain she a robot of some sort) and put her ass permanently out of service!

Shit.

5 comments:

Maya's Granny said...

Getting out the vote is so important this year. Always, but since we are right now living in right now, that's where I'm focused.
Thank you for doing this work.

tonya said...

I strongly second Maya's Granny!

~Macarena~ said...

What do you say when you do get to talk to prospective voters? I did a fundraiser in college and felt bad for bothering people.

I love imitating the disconnect chime and woman!

It's Me, Maven... said...

Oy!!

I can't imagine you sounding like Kissinger, or Harvey Fierstein for that matter:)

I know your deep dark secret, ABB. You're too perky on the phone:)

chicating said...

Oh, ABB, how I second your emotions. Check it out...I'm not anonymous disabled white chick anymore!(Wish I could say it was your own lovely self that inspired the change, but quite frankly it was an Olbermann fangirl thing. Quite frankly, he could habeas my corpus in many different ways... but I digress.)