Thursday, June 30, 2005

Is it Friday yet...?

A bitch is overwhelmed by the comments to yesterday’s post! It was almost worth the emotional trauma of watching Scooter…almost.

A bitch was truly dismayed to read about the recent medical setback for CoJo. I’m calling upon the Devine One to bless him with another organ…soon!

I woke up this morning praying that Katie Couric’s stylist had intervened successfully regarding that bizarre hair “don’t” that took place the other day. Jesus, did y’all see that shit? Made my stomach churn! Her translucent bob was pulled back severely in the middle and bound with a clip. Honey, who did that to you? Thankfully, her hair was back to just looking shitty.

A bitch quickly made a cup of java with tons of Splenda and organic 1% milk (let’s hope it hasn’t been poisoned) took 2 pseudo-Sudafed, 1 Claritin and 2 Excedrin. Perfection!

I settled onto the couch, gave the sorta-beagle a rub and turned on the television.

Lead story – Is He or Isn’t He?

It seems that the President Elect of Iran may have been one of the student agitators who led the Iran hostage taking back in the day! Oh my!

The producers of the Today Show were kind enough to show a side-by-side comparison (note - I chose CNN's version 'cause it was better) of pictures of a student hostage taker and the current President Elect of Iran.

A bitch must admit that they look to be the same person. But since we do not exactly "chat" with the Iranians, my ass is a wee bit skeptical about the possibility of Iran overturning their “election” simply because their new President was involved in hostage taking.

My ass predicts that Iran will wait it out, start having little chats with us again, sign some pact to not build the bombs they fully intend to build, gain most favored nation status and be welcomed back into the world community like a long lost brother. Sigh. Just look at Libya.

Taliban…what Taliban?

It seems that the Taliban that was destroyed when we invaded Afghanistan is claiming that they shot down an American helicopter. A bitch is confused. How are these fuckers sending out press releases if they don’t exist?

Oh, who gives a damn…?

Then General whoever proclaimed that Osama is in one of 11,000 villages in Pakistan. That’s progress, right? Jesus!

Got Milk?

The nation’s milk supply is one Google search away from being contaminated. Great! A bitch finally found a milk brand that I like (Horizon Organic 1% - Super Yummy) and now they tell me that milk, in general, is open to terrorist attack. Our government is pissed that some dude published this, along with recommendations, because they didn’t want the terrorists to know about the Google search thing. The best part is that the milk industry currently has a choice about whether to comply with security recommendations or not.

Drink at your own risk, chil'ren!

And people wonder why my ass is angry…

4 comments:

JohnBallgame said...

Angry - you have to check out my piece on "The Store was closed." I really think it puts a good spin on celebrities who take themselves a bit too seriously.

Judy said...

Right on as usual Angry.

It's Me, Maven... said...

Glad to see you do the organic milk thing. See, I am not so certain that non-organic, non BGh milk & related products, is all that much different than outright terrorism. Am I the only one who looks at overly developed 11 or 12 year old girls, sporting DDs, and thinks, "Shit, perhaps that BGh doesn't JUST make the COW's teats bigger and fuller?"

Anyway, I prefer light cream or half and half (Hood brand, another not organic, but at least they don't use BGh) and I've also used soy Silk, which I have to say is fine in my coffee. You might want to try it. Anything soy is very FEMALE friendly, what with the vegetable based "phyto-estrogens."

Re: the side-by-side of the Pres. of Iran. I have to think to myself when the media does something like this, "Gee, what ELSE could they be reporting on today? What are they hoping our collective attention is NOT catching?" Case in point: The Natalee Holloway debacle vs the trial and sentencing of that geezer Killen, who killed those three activists nearly 40 years ago. Sensationalism seems to be more the norm than substance.

Not sure if you realized it, but you came full circle in your post, which started out about Cojo's kidney problem. I don't know why they haven't found Osama yet... afterall, wouldn't you think it to be relatively easy to spot a man wearing his bed-linens, dragging a dialysis machine behind his dusty ass?

CrankyProf said...

A Bitch needs to wander over to my blog and see Brooke Shield's latest slap-down to Tom Cruise. Oh, the humanity.

I would pay cash money to slap Tom Cruise senseless right about now.