Wednesday, June 01, 2005

Catching up and moving forward...

A bitch recovered from the drama of the weekend by having her Cabrio towed and then getting seriously drunk. What did I drink, you ask? Why Vodka Crans, of course! Oh, and I chain smoked. A lot. Needless to say the headache and dry-mouth were worth it this morning as I stumbled to the coffee maker and clicked on the telly.

But wait! Before I proceed, a bitch must make amends for not posting about Mayor West on yesterdays Today Show! My bad, chil’ren! Guess I’ll have to post twice today, ‘cause y’all know I’ve got issues with the show today.

But let’s catch up, shall we…?

Due to the recent assault on my vehicle, I was a wee bit distracted when Matt Lauer’s voice boomed out of the television yesterday morning. Fuck me if he didn’t announce that Mayor West of Spokane was live…fucking live, I tell you…and would be discussing his adoration for young, very young, extremely young and pretty, very pretty, extremely pretty and young boys.

A bitch freshened her java, lit a cig and settled down for some fun.

Clarification made necessary by the Newsweek “did they source it or didn’t they source it and who gives a shit, was the story correct” debacleABB does not use accurate or even semi-accurate quotes, therefore readers should assume that any quotes are incorrect and designed to reinforce ABB’s general resentment of closeted hypocritical anti-gay gay-to-the-core Republican politicians.

Lauer, legs folded at an artful angle and mysteriously reappearing hair fluffed to its maximum potential “Mayor West, thank you so much for coming to chat with us! Wow, it’s been quite a year! So, tell us all about your feelings about being exposed as a gay man after being so very anti-gay!”

West, shifty eyed and clearly medicated “This has been so hard on my family! Particularly my ex-wife!”

ABB, eyebrow cocked “Ex-wife? Jesus, not another one of these motherfuckers! I hope his ex-wife makes his life a living hell. She’s rid of him already. Spokane has to mount a fucking re-call to achieve that. You shit! You hypocritical “I want to get mine, but fuck you if you want to get yours on the up and up” peevish little shit!

Lauer, wetting his lips “Mayor, why did you say in an interview that you felt more allegations of child sex abuse would be coming?”

West, and I am not kidding he really said something like this “Because when something like this happens there seems to be a pile-on affect.”


Yeah, I bet.

And did Matt Lauer just blush? Jesus, I love this show!

So, Spokane now gets to debate whether to recall or not.

A bitch thinks this is best understood through the philosophical logic of MasterCard.

Being exposed as a hypocritical anti-gay gay = Most likely will cost you your office and any future office!

Having your sex life exposed against the backdrop of a political jobs-for-sex scandal = Bad, but not original!

Being recalled for being gay by the same bigots who elected you for being anti-gay?



dmfinny said...

Jimmy's going to get his kicks tonight... he's going to score some licks of his own kind, fucked by his own kind...

But wait, ABB. You've been silent on the AFA's boycott of Ford. Now that you have cars on your mind, any comment?

Love, peace & chicken grease.

It's Me, Maven... said...

WTF is up with Lauer's hair? One day he's got a crew cut and damn nearly bald; the next it seems he's got hair. What's his secret? RonCo spray on hair? Hair Club For Men? What's the deal? And what is the dealie-oh with Lauer and Couric? Is there a "Diva-Off" in the making there at the Today Show?

And getting back to West... and speaking of piles... much like whatever that man is saying to the contrary... it's all BullSh*t. Where there's smoke, there's fire baby... and speaking of young and pretty little boys and perverts... any scoop vis-a-vis the Whacko-Jacko, Neverland Ranch and Vaseline Debacle? Can't wait for your spin on it!

Jessica said...

Spokane is one of those emblematic purplish towns. It's where the 75% quiet true believer blue types vote and write letters to editors and the 25% loud thrombosis-red types stuff ballots and stage marches when their gubernatorial candidate still loses. It's where hunters and farmers frequent the organic juice bar at the chi-chi co-op supermarket. It's where you can be a granola-fueled lesbian Jesuit and find full time work in a city funded arts program (I'm very proud of my little cousin) which might entail counselling incarcerated teenage skinheads and their Leviticus-thumping parents. It's complicated, is what I got from my 2-day visit (but maybe less so now; one imagines the local cardiac units have been pretty busy).