Tuesday, June 28, 2005

The build up to nothing...

A bitch has been giving some thought to politics. With the President about to give another boring speech full of lies and misinformation, the war in Iraq morphing into the reincarnation of Viet Nam and our lovely elected officials making power moves for 2008, a bitch is finding politics hard to avoid!

Faithful readers will know to anticipate a full break down of Scooter’s speech tomorrow.

A bitch was up early to do my homework in preparation of Scooter in prime time tonight.

Let the build up to nothing begin…

Condi was on the Today Show today. Her hair was fully helmeted and presented as a freakish wall of black. Her lips were glossed in a 1987 dark plum that, sadly, did not stay put on the inner portion and therefore drove the eye sharply to her lips and to what those lips were saying.

A bitch hit pause, popped 2 Sudafed, 1 Claritin and took 3 quick sips of coffee...

On the television, frozen by my beloved TiVo, were two of the most uptight and repressed women in America.

Katie Couric, sporting devilishly high heals and a ruthlessly sculpted bob, has again frosted her hair to the point where it is the visual representation of the absence of color. As I observed her pinched lips, my ass actually shuddered. This woman is pissed. First, CoJo fucked her over. Now, that little shit Matt Lauer gets the celebrity meltdown interview of the year. All this Tom Cruise talk has moved the Runaway Bitch off the front page, thus rendering Katie’s prime time special meaningless. Is there no justice?

Condi sat on the lower ball of her knot butt, her ass checks held so firmly together that they have virtually fused. Her legs are fiercely crossed and, despite the relentless heat, were encased in "my Momma used to wear that shade" hose. Condi’s body language shouted that a bitch was prepared for active combat. In her well conditioned mind one word circled over and over again...deny, deny, deny!

3 more swigs of java, then hit play...

The highlight of this otherwise bland interview was Condi’s attempt to re-write history by saying something like “It’s been one year since the transfer of sovereignty and that’s really not a long time.” So, basically, we should be more patient and try not to "rush freedom". Which would make more sense if we had invaded Iraq to spread freedom, rather than to find massive quantities of anthrax that was never there. And that wouldn’t smart so much if the United Nations inspectors hadn’t told us that the fucking anthrax wasn’t there, but we invaded anyway. And the sting of that wouldn’t be so sharp if we hadn’t told our former allies to go fuck off and shouted that they were stupid for listening to the United Nations inspectors…who turned out to be right. Oh, and this bitch wishes I could forget Dickie (not close, but he’s not a people person) proclaiming on Meet the Press that our asses would be "greeted like liberators"!

A bitch has had enough of neo-con fucks acting like my ass was in a fucking coma for 5 years and has no recollection of what was said or promised.

You want patience, bitch? Too fucking bad! Disappointed? Get used to it! I’ve been disappointed for 5 fucking years!

New September 11 Tragedy Reference Record…
Condi set the new record with a 3.75 second reactionary mention on the Today Show this morning. Way to go, exploiting a tragedy in less than 4 seconds! Yeah!

Frightening reference to the future…
Hey Stanford grads! Condi mentioned her plans to return! You must be so excited…!

This press conference is going to be a joy! Joy, I tell you!

6 comments:

BarefootCajun said...

I will read a bitch's comments here about Scooter's speech tonight as I cannot bear to watch it myself. I cannot watch him for more than a 30 second sound bite without picking up heavy objects and slinging them at my television. I absolutely cannot afford to buy another TV at the moment. So I'm thanking you in advancer for your bravery tonight.

Absolut Billy said...

Speaking of Cojo did u read he had to give his liver back? Or kidney whatever it was. Plus they never took his OLD one out..they just stuffed the new one in there. Odd.

monkey said...
This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.
monkey said...

i spoke with my young nephew recently. he reminded me that his uncle aaron's birthday is the 4th of july and that we should still remember him on that day.
aaron contreras died in march of 2003 in iraq. he was amongst the first 100 to perish in the "war".
i would really like to see bush and company sit face to face with each and every family member who's lost someone in iraq, and tell them to have some fucking patience.
sadness and fury are fighting for a place in my heart.

Homer said...

Just wanted to tell you how much I like you blog. I can't bring myself to listen to the Preziden, I just scream "Fudge, fudge, fudge" at the top of my lungs when he squawks.

disgruntled said...

She said the same shit a couple days ago on GMA...

She's tired like all these speeches interrupting my bland television experience.