Tuesday, February 06, 2007

Pondering the core that liked it...

A bitch heard the news about the Easy Bake Oven re-call and was instantly nostalgic for my long lost childhood oven.

Sigh.

Way back in the day…when a bitch was a wee bitch…and my afro puffs were too cute for the room…this bitch baked chocolate cakes with strawberry frosting in my beloved Easy Bake Oven.

Sigh again.

Ahh, the scent of slowly baking sorta-yumminess filling my bedroom.

Mmmhmm, and we took our Easy Bake Oven fingertip burns as a badge of honor!

Wince.

Fuck it, I’m going to have to score one of the fresh off the re-call list ovens and get my reminiscence on (wink).

Moving forward…

A certain Britt sent this bitch an e-mail wondering what my thoughts were on the Great Super Bowl Snickers Controversy of 2007.

A bitch’s reaction in the moment after first watching the ad…

C-Money! Did you see that shit?

Ooooooh, no they didn’t!

Someone somewhere just green lighted themselves a world of public relations hurt.

A bitch’s reaction Monday morning, as all hell broke loose over the alternative endings someone somewhere was twisted enough to green light for on-line viewage and voting…

For the love of all that’s holy! Shit, this is a public relations post million dollar ad insult disaster!

Pause.

Mayhap someone is trying to destroy Mars from within?

A bitch’s reaction after Mars released a statement announcing the pulling of the rather expensive and only aired once… not ‘put that on your resume, son, and become an ad god’ once more like ‘put that on your resume and announce yourself as a marketing plague’ once…ad but felt compelled to add that it had tested well with their core demographic...

Blink.

Oh, that changes things.

A bitch wants this core demographic revealed to the masses so that we can protect ourselves from them…mayhap even isolate them for the better good of society!

Heaven to hell and back again, a bitch wants to know if I’m sitting next to a member of the Snickers Ad Enjoying Core the next time I’m at The Zoo!

What?

Shit, I’m not talking about folks who eat Snickers bars. Hell, a bitch has had a Snickers bar or two…or three (ugh)…in my lifetime.

Though I must confess that once I discovered Nestle Smartie-based joy and the orgasmic indulgence of Nestle chocolate that Mars shit was dead to me.

Disclaimer - ABB’s blatant dissing of Mars based chocolate was and is in no way sponsored by Nestle…but Nestle should feel free to call a bitch’s people (wink).

Ahem.

No, I’m talking about who Mars was speaking to in that ad and who they feel responded well to that shit.

Those motherfuckers may be dangerous as hell and should be avoided like one should avoid waxishly uninspired homophobically marketed chocolate bars…cough…and the plague.

Given the recent trend, ten bucks says Mars collectively goes into rehab over this shit by Friday…

9 comments:

Anonymous said...

Can I just say that you are amazing!

Anonymous said...

huh that's interesting about the Mars thingg. I'll have to check out what happened, because I am not sure I saw the ad during the Super Bowl.

GayProf said...

I say the kids getting burned by their toy ovens need to toughen up.

As for Mars -- I have little doubt that homophobia, racism, and sexism test well in this nation.

karl said...

Advertising is the devil's work.

Nancy said...

BWAH HAH HAH HAH! And you got a big old smirk from Joan, too.

xo

lori hahn said...

Easy bake ovens...sigh...never had one...I got the GI Joes, but I always loved it when my 8 year old girlfriends would cook for my tomboy ass.

Anonymous said...

If you haven't seen it yet, here's a link

http://vids.myspace.com/index.cfm?fuseaction=vids.individual&videoid=1881274285

S T U P I D

cats said...

we just made cookies in the princess kitty's recalled easy bake oven... and then i heard the news. well, we were all out of mix anyway... so it's as good a time as any to send it back.

BigAssBelle said...

Mars will go into rehab and will report having been molested as a young company. You're too funny.

Those alternate endings ~ worse even than the real one. I don't know who their core demographic is, but I'm with you. Don't let any of those yahoos sit next to me.