Wednesday, August 23, 2006

Making love out of nothing at all....

It seems that conservatives…at least American conservatives…are producing more chil’ren than liberals.

What the fuck?

Or rather what’s up with all the fucking...umm, fluid exchanging?

One would expect them to be a bit more content, but babies and sexual satisfaction don’t always go hand in hand.

Holy shit, a bitch will never be able to look at Rick Santorum the same way again.

Ugh.

Anyhoo...

80% of people vote like their parents, which is why conservatives are gloating over their…well, successful breeding program.

Shit, that’s what it reads like!

This 80% factor makes a bitch wonder if conservatives are deliberately breeding towards world domination! The very fact that they are willing to go on record about their…ummm…high yield numbers indicates a ‘goal’ has been reached or is in sight.

And conservatives have built-in social conditioning systems to reinforce the parental influence component and thus increase the likelihood that the ‘harvest’ will reach the marketplace…err, the polling place…unspoiled and prepared to pull the Republican lever without pause.

Oh my!

Have I seen this movie before?

So, conservatives do have sex after all!

Actually, they appear to be fucking like sex is about to go out of style.

***cough***

As for good sex? Well, a bitch certainly hopes someone is getting off while making all those babies!

But this bitch is having a hard time with the math...adding devoted church attendance to tons of sex and coming up with a 50% divorce ratio doesn't jive.

Is it church followed by marriage, babies, divorce, remarriage and then more babies?

Or is it marriage followed by church followed by babies and then divorce followed by sintastic sex with your office spouse, remarriage and then more babies followed by divorce again?

This is fascinating!

Oh...yeah...congratulations on that baby making shit.

23 comments:

CrankyProf said...

Well, speaking as a Catholic, it's usually Sunday School, CCD, church, guilt, high school sex, drinking, guilt, confession, more sex/drinking/guilt and confession, college, drinking, sex, birth control and guilt, marriage, kids, drinking, guilt and confesssion. With weekly Mass to ensure more guilt.

I don't know about anyone else, but I wouldn't keep up with all the sex if I wasn't getting my rocks off occasionally.

Littlemilk said...

I think I heard a similar thing about Jerusalem's demographics and how they mirror Israel's politics. Orthodox/Conservative Jews are having more baby than secular ones, and from there the conservative politicians have a lock down on public policy.

Wish I could find that study or see if it is still valid.

Christopher said...

I think we can take comfort in the idea that while it may be a lot of sex, it probably isn't very good. I mean, what are the chances that any of the Bushes are actually a good lay?

CP said...

Doll, the conservatives are having babies...but whoever said it was with their spouses!

Tee frickin' hee!

Hopefully the laws of mathematics apply here. Where two negatives multiplied by one another will make a positive.

Hence...

Republican X Republican = Democrat.

It happened to my parents!

CP.

Boltgirl said...

It's the whole Quiverfull philosophy (shudder). Churn out a battlion's worth of Christian Soldiers to take over the world.

Bendra said...

They've all read Pat Buchanan's new book. They're doing their bit to keep the white race from fading into oblivion in the next 50 years.

Anonymous said...

RBL here,

There's good research (I can send you a cite, if you want) to show that the same mechanism explains the rise of evangelical religion in the U.S.. I.e., it's not that mainline Protestants (or atheists and agnostics) are being converted, it's that the Baptists are screwing like, well, Baptists.

It's Me, Maven... said...

See, and here I am struggling with infertility problems, and apparently I've been going about it all wrong. Instead of going to the best health care practitioner for my condition, you mean to tell me I just have to change my political party affiliation and get my pasty white ass to church? Is there some type of fertility benefit to all that genuflectin' and passin' the plate? :)

Travis Reems said...

ABB:

Where do you come up with such funny stuff!??!?! You are a riot.


Anyway, I think the answer might lie in where the conservative base lives, and the direction that the liberal base has moved. Rural America makes for much of the conservative base. So while liberals, at least those more highly educated, tend to be waiting longer to have children, the rural conservatives in lieu of going to college and building careers, tend to gravitate to family life earlier.

It is not that they have changed. In fact they are doing what people have done for centuries. It is the educated liberal base with our liberal ideas about life and personal fulfillment that have changed the equation.

What I don't understand is how the underedcuated liberal population, that tends to live in poverty, factors in. Just as with rural America, the urban poor tend to setup house due to inadequate prospects for college and careers.

Perhaps it is the younger gay segment that offsets the urban poor numbers. But that is purely conjecture and speculation on my part.

Ant Annie said...

ABB said, "Holy shit, a bitch will never be able to look at Rick Santorum the same way again."

To which Ant Annie replies, "and, after the upcoming elections, we won't have to look at him ANY way again!"

~ann

LBellatrix said...

Co-signing Bendra. It's all about preservation of the (white) American way of life. They know that whites will be in the minority in the next 50 years otherwise. They have to save America from all these brown babies (and by that I specifically mean Latino brown babies because that's the "procreational" group they're most afraid of) being born. God forbid that Johnny have to report to a CEO named Juan...

CrankyProf said...

Huh. Here I'm having kids (two already, possibly one on the way, and a fourth planned eventually) with no ulterior social motive -- just because I like children and want a big family. (I had a lot of siblings growing up, and it was awesome.)

Not to create "Christian soldiers," or "save America from brown babies."

Jamie said...

You're a riot.

PARLANCHEQ said...

Great post and comments. My fave was cp's that if the rules of mathematics apply then Republican x Republican = Democrat. Too funny!

Hattie said...

I'm one of those old bores who thinks people shouldn't have children unless they can afford them.
And people who have huge families are stupid assholes.
Plenty of those kids will grow up to be hell raisers because they will have had such lousy upbringings. Watch for an uptick in the poverty and crime rate as these throwaway kids hit the streets.
My daughter's partner says that if you go up to white street kids and talk them, chances are they will tell you they are on the run from autoritarian fundamentalist families.

Travis Reems said...

LBellatrix:

What if we take the advice of the Warren Betty title character in "Bullworth," where he proposes to "...get rid of white people, black people and yellow people...." by means of interracial procreation, or what he calls (please forgive the language) "...fucking until we're all brown?"

The Part Time Instructor said...

If the liberals could get over their habit of making demands before the act, protesting it during, and bitching about it afterwards, they could enjoy the same amount of sex with the resulting off springs as the conservatives do.

Shark-fu said...

Oh my!

A bitch had no idea y'all had sex in Canada(wink).

Tisk and task, part time instructor...you should know by now that this bitch is not fond of absolute statements...

Despite the efforts of the right, sex...lots of sex...still happens above and below the border without babies as a possible result.

***blink***

Shit, I know for a fact that in Toronto...

***pause***

Ummm, well...this isn't that kind of blog..

Suffice it to say that assholes exist on both sides of the aisle...and if you want proof of that, just watch the political porn on C-SPAN.

Toodles!

Mr. Brian said...

Your commentary put a smile on my face!

Sue Woo said...

Can you imagine having sex with Karl Rove to support "The Cause"? YUK!

Avatar said...

I put the blame for this squarely on the shoulders of Jim Bob and Michelle Duggar.

family_man said...

In response to questions regarding conservative life schedules: I wake up and have breakfast with my wife and two little girls. Breakfast is followed by church; at some point during the service my oldest will turn to me with a huge grin on her face and tell me she's being reverent (she's two, it's pretty funny). After church it's nap time for the girls and reading time for my wife and I. Lately I've been trying to spend more time reading because my engineering career has seriously damaged my vocabulary. My fear is that my vocabulary will get so bad that I'll only be able to comunicate in trash language, referring to myself as black bitch and talking about how conservative males fuck their wives for kids without giving them orgasms (seriously, engineering kills your communication skills). After dinner and play time with the kids my wife and I talk for a while about anything and then we have raucous sex (both of us ;) ). On week days the sex contineus but church is replaced by family reading and prayer. I love playing with my kids and making my wife scream in bed; why the hell would I get divorced and become a liberal? Family life is awesome.

Shark-fu said...

family man...

Just who are your trying to convince?

This bitch recommends more prayer...a lot more prayer, son.