Well, that sure as shit wasn’t Superman…

We’re clearly going to have to jump right the hell on in…

Unless you spent the weekend vacationing on Krypton you simply must know that North Korea flexed yesterday and this morning by firing off some six or seven missiles in the direction of Alaska.

A bitch was not comforted by the fact that said missiles were duds that fell into the sea.

Nor was a bitch as thrilled as the folks over at CNN who had a news orgasm that was still…well, ummm…breaking this morning.

Oh my!

Well, shit…what do you expect? They’ve spent the past four days fondling that Space Shuttle replica, getting all excited and then...ummm, well...but this isn't that kind of blog.

Ahem.

Anyhoo, this whole Independence Day missile based tantrum got this bitch thinking about trust…and how a bitch doesn’t trust a motherfucking thing coming from my government…and how much this bitch resents not being able to trust the Head Motherfuckers in Charge (HMiC) in times of crisis and attack.

What the fuck?

A bitch should be able to turn on CNN…see them freak out and show the same stock video of miserable North Koreans and the not-at-all-dear leader of all things Hermit Kingdom based…listen to assurances that we have a missile defense system and sleep well.

But nooooooo, a bitch can’t stop thinking about all the other promises and absolute assurances and how completely bullshit based they were. The worst part is that this bitch suspects that the HMiC may actually have thought they had it right all those times before, which terrifies me because that requires a level of confusion previously unexplored.

We’re talking Nixonesque all those war protesters have been hypnotized by Mao for sure uh huh that's right kind of confusion…and that’s no where near the intersection of Reality Circle and Rational Lane on my map, chil’ren!

Lawd, save us.

And on the 230 birthday of the Declaration of Independence a bitch was wide awake…desperate for a cig and settling for my ration of Smarties…and getting more and more pissed off by the minute.

So, a bitch is speaking directly to the HMiC...if you never pull it together again in life, pull your shit together right this minute and a bitch means now.

My ass has not suffered through over 7 days without cigs to have you motherfuckers facilitate the end of the world.

Shit.

Cease indulging in sessions of Oh thank Gawd that missile misfired, Miss Scarlet! analysis and get your diplomacy on, you peevish shits.

As if the Age of Fubar wasn't already dangerous enough...