Thursday, October 13, 2005

To screw or not to screw...

A bitch has a headache…sinus pressure and such.

My ass appreciates the promise of Smarties from abroad! A bitch’s sister pointed out that Nestle Purina is right here in St. Louis and they may have some Smarties on hand. This bitch plans to investigate. If they don’t, a formal request for yummy chocolate goodness will have to be made!

2 cups coffee with Splenda and 1% organic milk, followed by 3 Excedrin, 1 Claritin, 2 Sudafed and cigs…

The passing of Jack White…
A bitch is a Nixon conspiracy enthusiast. My ass is fascinated with the entire Nixon era, particularly the role of media. Nixon was plagued by many scandals, most of which he brought down upon his own ass. As much as Nixon damaged the image of the presidency, investigating Nixon lifted the image of the media.

Jack White was an amazing reporter whose Pulitzer Prize winning article on Nixon’s tax evasion helped establish the depth of corruption within the Nixon White House and, indeed, within Nixon the man.

White was a reporter’s reporter back when reporters where reporters. This bitch mourns the loss of the man as well as his ethic…

Moving forward…

To screw or not to screw...
Americans are in a culture war over sex…who, what, when and where. This bitch has been more than a little annoyed. When my ass read this article about a new chastity group that was formed by Princeton University students…well…a bitch just wanted to scream!

A bitch understands that there are some people and groups that advocate abstinence until marriage. What my ass doesn’t understand is why abstinence groups feel that other groups shouldn’t discuss the alternative to abstinence...otherwise known as sex.

Let’s be honest…there isn’t a whole lot to discuss about abstinence other than the benefits of not getting pregnant or exposed to disease. A bitch can just imagine the meetings…

“Hello everyone! Well, no sex happening here. How about you? Still not fucking? Great!”

Or maybe these abstinence group meetings are actually discussing the challenges of not having sex…

“Oh my Gawd…I so wanted to get laid yesterday. Sex was all I could think about. Thank Gawd I have this group to fall back on and discuss not having sex!”

Better yet, maybe they just sit around and get nasty…

“I had a dream last night where I was…well…I was horny! Yeah! And I just kept being horny!”

…nasty talk isn’t all that kinky when you don’t know what the fuck you are talking about. Shit, those fantasies have got to be boring as a motherfucker!

Anyhoo, this bitch believes that abstinence should be a component of any sex ed. curriculum. However, sex ed. requires a discussion of sex too and my ass is fucking tired of people acting like discussing sex makes people more likely to have sex.

This bitch was blessed to have participated in a comprehensive sex ed. class in school. Added to that was a healthy dose of my crazy assed mother threatening to kill me if I “came up pregnant” in her house. This bitch was scared off sex by the facts for years….YEARS!

And when my ass decided to get it on this bitch was equipped with some knowledge and a realistic understanding of the consequences.

Yeah, this bitch supports abstinence…my ass wishes motherfuckers would abstain from promoting abstinence only education.

13 comments:

Mr. Brian said...

To the abstinence only educators, ILLOGIC is logic.

And I wonder what the theme for these good-intentioned, ill-begotten, misleading groups are? I loved your hypothetical commentary. I'd have to agree that an abstinence group sitting around about being abstinent would be pretty stagnant.

I'd rather attend Sexaholic's Anonymous.

dmfinny said...

Interesting that Americans suffer from such tunnel vision that we are unable to be pro-something without being anti-something. Seems that if you choose to have sex, you're morally bankrupt, whereas if you take a vow of abstinence or chastity, you're not. How many of these pledge takers are racist, sexist, classist, or otherwise engage in "bless my four and no more" behavior?

Margaret said...

About the Smarties fix...there are smarties a plenty here! I think they are more common than M&Ms.

Email me at itsmyplace at gmail dot com, and I'll send you some.

PissedOffPencil said...

What a coincidence that you are writing about Richard Nixon the same evening that I'm watching a documentary about him. He was a multi-faceted person.

And he loved red-heads... :)


About sex education (and relationships)... No, I think I'm going to write a post about that instead.

monkey said...

abstinence only teachings can be dangerous. if this group speaks only of keeping your junk on lock-down, what about when they finally decide to start having sexual relationships? how about balanced education and also discussing safe/safer sex so we have a healthier community.
this reminds me of the 'just say no to drugs' era. it's completely ignorant, and promotes turning a blind eye to those who will actually use.
talking about sex, safe/safer sex, choices, etc. doesn't equal an entire population running to the hills to fuck, just a more educated group when they do choose to have sex. perhaps fewer folks still using the 'pull out' method, not wearing condoms, unplanned pregnancies, disease, etc.
what a novel idea.

"Radical" Russ said...

My angry sistah, you've got it all wrong when it comes to "abstinence-only" sex education. For if we teach the kids about sex, that will only make them want to do it, and then they'll get the gono-ca-ca-caccus (Frank Zappa RIP) and die. Kids need to learn that the only safe sex is the sex you do not have, and that sex should be saved until marriage.

Kids are catching deadly STD's and getting pregnant in school every year. When we teach them effective dating techniques, encourage them to look out for their own sexual health, and outfit them with condoms and spermicides, we're only giving them a false sense of security and encouraging them to take risks in the dating world that could get them killed. After all, no condom or spermicide is 100% effective against disease or pregnancy.

We're expanding this logic to other school topics. We are about to start "walking-only" drivers education. For if we teach the kids about driving cars, that will only make them want to do it, and then they'll go speeding down the freeway, wreck their cars, and die. Kids need to learn that the only safe driving is the driving they do not do, and that driving should be saved until adulthood.

There are so many other activities kids engage in that need this sort of logic. Kids are seriously injured or killed playing high school football every year. When we teach them proper tackling techniques, encourage them to get in prime physical shape, and outfit them in body armor and helmets, we're only giving them a false sense of security and encouraging them to take risks on the football field that could get them killed. After all, no set of helmet and football pads are 100% effective against injury or death.

Therefore, we need to institute "no-contact" football education for our high school athletes. Kids need to learn that the only safe football is the football with no contact, and that tackle football should be saved until college.

CanEragon said...

Why is the need to talk about sex at Top of the 10 most important subjects in the U.S.? I mean really, I think there are a few more pressing items to discuss, like getting that jerk out of the white house, and ending a war, and saving the poor and hungry right in your own back yards???

I know that the moral compass in North America is off kilter all over the place, but pleeeese, IF PARENTS educated their children correctly, then they would not have sex would they? And IF the American press did not glamourize sex as it does, kids would not be having sex??? and if SEX was not such a hot commodity in Print, WEB and Video form, then maybe we could reeducate society as a whole.... but hey we're at war right?

We have to kill the infidel first, before we really take care of things at home, Comprende??

Jesus... absitinence Schmabstinence...

Hey ABB, if you email your address to me I will send you all the smarties you want !!


Jeremy
Montreal

Kim said...

As the mother of a 15 year old whose 14 year old best friend has already had sex with 2 guys, I say abstinence only education is REAAALLLY working. Hell, yeah.

So far, no sex for my teen. Fingers crossed it's a LOOOOONG way off. But, I'm not stupid. Open discussions regarding STD's, pregnancy (the less of the consequences comared to oh, say HIV or Herpes) have been going on at my house for years. As she got older I have been amazed at the number of kids whose sex talk with their parents consists of "it's bad, only whores do it and if you get pregnant I'll kill you."

The mom of the prior mentioned friend is now aware of the goings on of the summer and still hasn't taken the girl to be tested. She's not pregnant-so why bother with an MD. IMHO that's part of the problem-not the actual sex-having. Parents who are too stupid or scared to honestly talk to their kids.

BTW, what are Smarties? I've never seen them. I'm all for some chocolate yumminess.

bold as love said...

ABB,
I agree with you- abstinence should be taught as part of sex ed. We have two camps out there that are not realistic- one- do all you can do type of sex ed., two- keep kids ignorant of sex in hopes that they won't do it. I believe the primary responsiblity is the Parents, but we all know some parents aren't up to the job. Let's just teach the facts and include a abstinence message along with it- what's so damned hard about that.
Later'

Mr. Brian said...

One more comment. The comments on this post is encouraging because:

1). There really are more people out there that believe that most parents are not doing the job as they should than I previously believed.

2). The unstated fact in the previous comments is that too many parents blame their own inadequacies and inactions on "the institution".

3). The problem: If the institution didn't pick up the ball that parents dropped and teach the children what they do teach now, there would be many, many more pregnancies and the the number of undiagnosed STD's would be astronomically increased, thereby creating a massive multi-pandemic.

4). Some people are just ignorant, and no matter how we try to "educate" them, the more they will turn a deaf ear to it because they do not want to hear it. Kind of like what Scooter's doing now.

Man, I so love your blog!

cats said...

i do believe it's a good idea to teach kids to wait; HOWEVER... if that's all we teach we fail them!

sex is supposed to be something special between two people and when you are a teen (and even in college for many) you may not be ready. but everyone still needs to be prepared for it when it happens.

ahh well, thanks abb.

Homer said...

I have a friend whose father was a medical doctor. The doc and his wife expressed horror to said friend while at dinner that Arizona dared to have sex ed classes. "That sort of thing should be taught at home!" To which my friend replied, "You never told me anything about sex, and you are a doctor! How are regular parents supposed to discuss the issue if a medical doctor is too embarrassed to talk to his own children about it!" The parents were shamed into silence.

My parents also never discussed it, except my mother told me that women got pregnant by kissing (when I about 4 or 5). Maybe that's why I've never kissed a woman.

Mary said...

About Nixon fetish - he's my favorite phycho-killer-paranoid-nut-president.

A few good things- that recent movie "The Assasination of Richard Nixon" was ultra cool. Had great recreation of the times (its a true story of attempt on life using hijacking).
http://www.jsonline.com/onwisconsin/movies/oct05/362612.asp

'Nuther good thing - that book by Sumners "the Arrogance of Power" (from Amazon its about a dollar!) - and it has quotes from his phychotherapist. Yeah he was an alchoholic and he used a shitload of pills. Nuts as hell. And a wife beater. Best part is last when they tried to shield him from crowds surrounding the whitehouse chanting "Nixon must resign" and he was talking to walls.

'Nuther good thing - C-Span website has audio files of the whitehouse phone tapes (what he tried to hide from the prosecutors during Watergate) at
http://www.c-span.org/executive/presidential/nixon.asp

- - - great site.