Thursday, October 27, 2005

Shit...

Oh my! Where to start?

Let’s just jump right in, shall we?

2 cups coffee with Splenda and 1% organic milk (yum), 1 Claritin, 2 Sudafed and cigs…

Congratulations Chicago! The White Sox have won the series…could it be the end of days? Party hard and try not to riot!

Okay, now what?
Harriet Miers requested that her name be withdrawn for nomination to the Supreme Court and Scooter reluctantly complied. A bitch enjoyed the theory proposed on CNN…

Scooter’s administration is anticipating indictments today or tomorrow in the CIA leak probe, so they announced the Miers withdrawal this morning in the hopes that the indictment announcement will overwhelm the Miers media debacle. Once the indictment scandal kicks in Scooter’s minions will announce another nominee who will then distract from the indictment scandal!

Shit…it’s worth a try.

Anyway, now conservatives are going to lobby for a seasoned conservative and liberals will scramble around trying to find dirt on whoever that nominee is.

Drama!

Ann Coulter and her dislike of the name Scooter…
A bitch watched the Today Show this morning with every intention of munching on a yummy bowl of bran and raisins. Unfortunately, the producers of the Today Show decided to call in Ann Coulter of the bitter hag faced Coulters to provide commentary on all things Scooter!

A bitch lost my appetite when confronted with Ann and her twisted, evil, rancid and emaciated face.

Matt Lauer to Ann…"How is the White House going to handle to possible indictment of Scooter Libby?”

Coulter, ever evil and willing to play the minion…"Well, I guess they will be able to get rid of someone named Scooter. I didn’t even know who Scooter Libby was until 5 minutes ago!”

ABB to the television
…"Nice try, bitch. You know Scooter Libby. Shit, you probably know who waxes his asshole at the spa. Is this how you’re going to try to play it? Are you really going to appear on national television and act like Scooter Libby is a nobody? You are such a fucking asshole, Ann! Note to Coulter – no one knew whom the fuck John Dean was either! Skank.”

Lauer, apparently thrown by Coulter’s non-denial denial…"Reports are that the White House is concerned that they may loose the mastermind of Bush’s political success, Rove, and a key advisor to the Vice President, Libby!”

Coulter, silently wondering if Lauer finds her attractive, responded sharply…not quiet shrillish…more of a sharp bitter tone…"They are just two guys who work at the White House.”

ABB to Coulter…"Bitch please! And stop crossing your bony legs…you might cut somebody!”

Lauer to Coulter…"Many conservatives have begun to vigorously attack the White House including you.”

Coulter, having been briefed that Scooter planned to withdrawal Miers via the microchip implanted in her faux Arian head…"Bush made one mistake…Harriet Miers. He just has to eliminate that one mistake and everything will be fine!”

Lauer blinked then moved forward…"What, if anything, do you expect to come of all this?”

Coulter, longing to slide her tongue down Lauer’s neck, leaned forward…"Well, the Republican Party will be rid of a man named Scooter and Harriet Miers will withdrawal her name from consideration. Then, everything will be perfect again!”

A bitch sat back and took a sip of coffee. It seems that Ann Coulter of the fiendishly evil Coulters has a real problem with the name Scooter. If this bitch had a larger ego my ass might wonder if that freak reads my fucking blog and has confused Scooter Libby with the ABB presidential Scooter.

No…no fucking way. Ann can’t read!

So, this is how conservative plan to play it. Ann has no credibility to loose, so it was a wise move to put her ass out there to test this new spin. The problem is that all the president’s minions reject academic research. They have no real understanding of Watergate or any other scandal for that matter. Shit, in the same interview Coulter called Ken Star a Boy Scout and announced that liberals were in the wrong to attack him when he went after Bubba Clinton for lying about a sloppy blowjob.

Folks, no one knows who anyone is until they get in trouble. The fact that the average American doesn’t know who Rove or Libby has nothing to do with whether they are key to Scooter’s administration or not.

And this bitch isn’t excited to see them get indicted because they may be key to the administration…my ass wants to see someone held accountable for creating a climate of fear and intimidation that resulted in a clear path for Scooter’s administration to lie to the American people and the world about their case for the Iraq War!

So, fuck you Ann Coulter…my ass can’t stand you! You are a disgrace and you should take to the hills and become the hunched over hermit you were destined to be at birth!

And the Today Show can fuck off too…between live abdominal surgery and Ann Coulter in the morning a bitch might just puke!

11 comments:

Disgusted in St. Louis said...

Bwahahaha, great post.

Austin Powers on seeing Ann Coulter: "It's a man, baby!"

----------

Question: Mr. President, do you think you made a mistake in nominating Miers?

Scooter: No, it was the Senate's fault for requesting White House papers!

Memo from the Desk of Harriet Miers

GWB,
Your the bestest Preznit ever!
Love,
Harriet

thatfarmgirl said...

Finally, someone else who recognizes that Ann Coulter and Skeletor were separated at birth.

Hammer said...

Hey ABB,
Love that your bitchiness makes me smile! Thanks!

Have you done any research on the UN Resolution to oust Saddam yet (did I tell you about it yet?)...Interesting shit.
The real reason for the War ("economic sanctions on Iraq until Hussein is out" under the guise of the preceding paragraph stating that "WMD proliferation is the purpose for economic sanctions)...ugh I won't go into all the gross details but I figure you might want to read about it.

Oye ve....are we ready for this shit to end yet? I'm sick of waiting damn it!

In peaceful (yet annoyed and agitated) struggle...

Hammer

equeyaya said...
This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.
equeyaya said...

I thought of you first, ABB, when I heard that bitch waxing on about the name Scooter this morning.

I add my own hearty, "Fuck you, Ann Coulter!" to the refrain!

Catherine said...

I thought of you this morning too, as I stood in front of the TV screaming Lying SKANK! as Coulter claimed she didn't know who Scooter Libby was - though I have to admit the asshole waxing angle (thankfully) didn't enter my mind, or I wouldn't have been able to eat my cereal. Apparently that's how it'll be played - he was just a lil nobody named Scooter, who cares what he did anyway? And the media conveniently plays along by not calling him by his real name or explaining his insider role on the White House staff.

Jules1698 said...

Hey girl,
Your rants are soooo damn sexy, I thought you were gonna post a pic, not that it matters really.

Clipgirl said...

I can do an impersonation of Anne Coulter. If someone will write a spoof skit for me, I'll perform it in public.

Mr. Brian said...

Maybe he's trying the Ronald Reagan tactic: election based on stardom. Only he's not a star nor will he ever be. And as far as Reagan is/was concerned, with all his problems during his administration, he was 100X the president scooter will ever be.

Your first line made me so laugh...it was like a blow to the cheerleading attitude, and I could so see you doing that, mocking that all-too-perky-speed-induced persona

*let's just jump right in, shall we?*

It's witticisms like this that keep me coming back for more of da Bitch's infinite wisdom!

It's Me, Maven... said...

Didn't Katie Couric do a live colonoscopy as well? I'm waiting for her live-feed Pap and pelvic exam. Anything to hook a viewer!

I literally shuddered at the visual of AC dragging her tongue down Lauer's neck...

arse poetica said...

Ha! ABB, I'm so glad I missed this live so I could read your much superior version. Thanks!