Friday, April 01, 2005

Freaks, carnivores and bitches.....

Why come people have to front on who they really are? If you a freak.....BE A FREAK!

Shit Angry Black Bitch Don't Front On

Being a Freak
I am a freak. So what? By "freak" I mean truly freaky, unashamed of it and freaky about a multitude of things. I am sorry that I live in a time when most people are repressed and women still publicly claim not to masturbate well into their 30's (Girl, Pleeeaaase ***visualize neck jerk***!). People, this city would be a lot more fun if some of y'all would just get off! With chocolate sauce, a banana, some handcuffs and a selection of good porn. But if that's not your cup of tea, DON'T FUCKING DO IT! Just keep your sexually unsatisfied missionary-position-once-a-year ass away from my fun. And toys. And sex shops conveniently located right off the highway.

Being a Carnivore
I adore red meat. Sorry my vegan friends, but I do love it! I know that it's probably pumped full of hormones and that some poor creature most likely died a suffering death after a lifetime spent in a cage....but I love a good steak cooked just on the edge of bloody. Now, I respect the average political vegan/vegetarian who turns up their nose at my attack on their bovine brethren. Just as long as they know I will beat that ass if it comes between me and my food. But what really annoys me are the assholes...you know the ones, who gave up steak after a full year on Atkins, but want to whine at me about how bad it is for me to still be eating it. Listen - if you did Atkins for a year you took down more beef than my ass will probably eat in a lifetime. Back off my food and try to remember that steak is just one on a long and distinguished list of toxins and pharmaceuticals that I have ingested in my lifetime.

Embracing My Inner Bitch
I am a bitch. I love my fellow bitches. If every now and then you look at someone who is trying to sound interesting and all you can think about is how much you'd just looooove to around-the-world pimp slap their ass......you may be a bitch. If you have to resist the urge to stir up drama and that resistance takes you to the point of physical pain......you may be a bitch. But if you have ever taken a fly outfit from the rack, knew you look-ed good, then took all the other sizes and hid them in the back of the store under some ugly assed sweaters so you wouldn't "see some other bitch up in the spot with this fly ass shit on"....welcome to the club my sistah!

Have a wonderful weekend, get your freak on, eat your ass a steak, and embrace your inner bitch!

2 comments:

princessdominique said...

I can't get with the bloody steak but I can finagle most anything else! Thanks for blowing up the spot of women everywhere! *lol*

Jeff said...

Whenever someone would call my friend Tricia a bitch, she would stare at them blankly and say, "And your point is?" Which is pretty much how I feel about the subject too. Always do what you're best at.