Thursday, March 31, 2005

Silently Falling Trees

If an anchor leaves a network show that no one is watching does Neilson make a sound?

Ted Koppel is leaving Nightline and ABC at the end of this year. I must confess that I forgot about Ted. And Nightline. Oh, let's be honest I forgot about ABC until Desperate Housewives premiered. It's not that I don't like Nightline, but I usually avoid ABC because of all that family programming. Since my viewing habits lean towards Forensic Files and American Justice (trust me, you will trust no one after watching the art of the kill for a few years), I rarely journey to the overly censored world of the Big 3. No, I didn't forget FOX; I simply choose to ignore them .....like one does a screaming child with a dirty diaper when waiting in line at Target .....you know they are there because of the rank stench, but you avoid eye contact for fear that it might encourage them.

Anyhoo, Ted's leaving. Because he comes off as a pretentious bore who doesn't even have the decency to get his ass kicked off the network as the result of a hugely embarrassing election year fuck up, no one will care. Will there be a three week retrospective followed by the torturous over-hyping of his replacement, like they did for Tom? Will other networks cover it for the scandal angle like they did for Dan? Is Peter Jennings still alive? Who the fuck knows? Somehow the blandness of this exit is fitting.

The 24-hour news cycle has killed the anchor king like video killed the radio star (yeah, now that song is so in your head). Fair thee well Gentle Koppel! There's a stodgy professorship at ***insert pretentious over priced journalism school*** waiting for thee just beyond the forest. Watch out for all those silently falling trees.......

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