Monday, March 28, 2005

Just behind the Fifth Green......

I woke up this morning planning to post about the new definition of "hypocrite", which will soon be changed in Webster's to simply Tom Delay. Just a wee blip for the children - Tom Delay is the slime from Texas who was in the midst of his second or third ethics investigation in Congress when the scandal Gods bestowed Terri Schiavo and the sanctity of life upon him. Too bad Tom didn't remember that he and his family chose to remove life support from his own father when he was rendered comatose and brain dead a few years back. Nice to have that kinda "choice" isn't it ASSHOLE?

So, what could possibly distract me from such a tasty portion of red meat as a corrupt hypocritical Republican getting fucked by the L.A. Times? Well, I stumbled upon the following blip and it has totally refocused my attention on.........well........Nuevo-riche white flight. MmmmmmHmmmm! Observe....

From the new At Home St. Louis Magazine....or is it St. Louis Magazine At Home?......they might want to rethink that cover art. Hell, they were going to have to rethink it anyway because the only thing sadder than a local "style" magazine is one that attempts to rip off Martha Stewart Living and fails. But I digress.....

(Names have been deleted to protect the pretentious and those suffering from desperate-suburban-name-dropping-itus). Locals - check out the Premier Issue page 6 under Contributors.

Before joining At Home as (delete, because this premier issue ain't exactly resume worthy), held blah, blah, blah. Blah, blah, blah a graduate of (drop name of top Missouri Journalism School), blah, blah began her career in (drop name of major rival city to St. Louis located in Illinois where the shopping is great and all the "ad" people are tops and would never even consider moving to St. Louis, which is why said contributor now has to state that she moved to St. Louis to marry her huuuuuussssssband.....and wait until you see the size of her rock, which she can show you with pictures of her huuuuusssssband purchasing it and a photocopy of the price tag because, of course she saved that shit - hello!). Blah, blah, blah dog and cat.....

Here's what tore my ass up, people!

......they now reside in Winghaven, just behind the fifth green. Yeah, it was that part "just behind the fifth green".

Oh my God! Is that not the tackiest thing ever? Who the fuck names the country club they pay too much money to live on top of in their fucking bio?? Better yet, whom the fuck names the fucking green they pay even more to live right off of in their fucking bio? Oh.......! Oh my God!!!!!!! Un-fucking-believable, gauche, tacky-assed, name droppin freakin 1 and 1/2 hour outside of the real city because you are too scared to let the future Mitzi and Timmy live near Black people and, oh my God all that crime, O’Fallon-living, urban-sprawl creating ho!!

Whew! Oh yes, that felt goooood!

Word to the wise honey - in St. Louis one doesn't drop the name of country clubs that were recently converted from toxic waste dumps. If your ass moves to Ladue and acquires a house on the fifth green of a country club who's members are so blue blood their fucking servants are Mayflower descendents - that's when you can drop that shit into your bio. Okay?

3 comments:

Tiger Lilly said...

I wanna be you when I grow up!

Todd said...

Me too, but my feet are too damn big.

fahren said...

cut her some slack. she probably grew up in a trailer park outside raytown...