Billy Graham was on CBS again this week. He was in rare form and had musical guests and a stage show of sorts. I had managed to drink him off my mind, but today when scrolling through the web was confronted with yet more religiosity. Conservatives are having a National Day of Truth to counter the LGBT student led National Day of Silence. The National Day of Silence is done to mark the silencing of LGBT youth in schools by homophobic oppression.
All this counter propaganda makes me sick. It reeks of the corruption of power and just isn't very cool. I remember when Christians were the nice kids who always gave me some of their Fruit Rollups at lunch. These Modern Christians (at least the loud microphone holding ones) are angry judgmental vengeful people who have taken on the superior attitude of ...well...Fascists. They've corrupted the brand, so to speak.
I am not a "person of faith". I'm not a "value voter". I'm just a bitch trying to find her way in the modern world.
Hey Billy Graham, what do you have in your back of tricks for me?
Graham "God is challenging you to be a better person and to live in His will!"
ABB "Look, I need more specifics than that religious rhetoric provides. What the fuck does "live in his will" mean? Speak English! Aren't you from West Virginia? It's the law now. So cut the sound bites, drop that "equally yoked" crap and tell it like it is".
Graham with a sigh "I am only an instrument of God. I don't know........"
ABB angrily interrupts "What the fuck does that mean!!?!? Listen, I don't go to church because I find it a bastion of hypocrisy. I can't stomach ministers speaking of sacrifice and humility while sporting $500 suits and driving $75,000 cars. And I really don't think a fellow messed up person is in the moral position to judge me or who I sleep with or how I do it. I've read the bible in English and Latin, motherfucker, and it does not contain a rating system for sin. So, what the fuck?".
Graham "You know what, you're right. I can't stand these people either. I'm trying to get out of my contract so I can get right with God before my days end. Thank you, Angry Black Bitch! Thank you for showing me the light !! These people have corrupted me and now I am free! I's free!!".
ABB "Your work is not done, my son. Go forth and preach the gospel of individual responsibility and human decency!" Thunderbolts crash and torrential rains pour! ABB raises her wooden staff above her head and shouts to the clouds.....
I've got to stop mixing Sudafed with Benadryl and Vodka Crans while watching televised religion. It's enough to give a bitch a Moses complex in place of a hangover.....