Update - This bitch went to Auto Zone and scored a gas lock. The nice folks there said they've been selling a lot of them. Ugh! Anyhoo, hopefully the gas lock will result in a problem solved.
Note - longtime readers will remember The Heathens of Shaw incidents (here & here) from back in the day that resulted in Ms. Sister Girl Cabrio being assaulted.
Shall we?
Yesterday this bitch arrived home after work tired as hell.
I haven’t been sleeping very well and my ass was looking forward to a nice quiet evening with my sorta-beagles and dawg niece Sweetie the Three Legged Chow.
The dawgs had other plans.
They were beyond hyper and this bitch ended up letting the sorta-beagles out to bake in the sun and hopefully burn off some fuel. Unfortunately, certain dawgs feel the need to bark at the neighbor's cat, random birds, child'ren on bikes and cars driving past as if a horde of angry invaders where attempting to conquer the backyard.
Ugh.
And this bitch has no intention of being that neighbor with those dawgs who bark all the fucking time. Thus my evening was a dance of inside/outside until they finally calmed down around 9ish.
Exhausted, a bitch tucked into a well deserved vodka cran and settling down to watch Blog Wars on Sundance.
Interesting documentary, by the way…lots of blogger celebrities (wink)…oh, and an appearance by Christopher Hitchens who looked like absolute shit on ice but did managed to get through the entire film without saying the word "placenta".
Blink.
Anyhoo, at 11:30pm Sweetie the Chow needed to get her pee on.
A bitch opened the door and looked out after her to make sure she made it down the stairs okay (what?...she’s only got one front leg!!) only to catch sight of some shadowy motherfucker lurking near Ms. Sister Girl Cabrio’s ass!
Oh, hell no!
I shouted for the shadow to get the fuck away from my motherfucking car and watched him run down the alley.
At that moment Sweetie decided to bark and the sorta beagles came running out the door in response (great timing, dawgs…way to charge in and protect a bitch.)
Cursing them and the shadow, a bitch grabbed my flashlight and attempted to survey the drama from the porch-based area.
The wee little gas thang was open on the side of my car and there appeared to be a plastic milk jug by the tire.
Son of a biscuit!
That motherfucker was trying to steal a bitch's gas!
Blink.
Who the fuck steals gas...from a Cabrio...on a Monday?
Motherfucker!
The police were called...mostly so a bitch could make sure no damage was done with an armed guard....and, having found nothing wrong and seeing the cops off, this bitch sat down to glare at my dawgs.
ABB to Betsey & Theo the sorta beagles... "Damn, y'all! If I have to put up with you freaking the fuck out and getting your bark on when people walk past the front door the least you can do is sound the alarm when someone is trying to fuck with Mum's Sister Girl Cabrio!"
Sweetie panted a bit and Betsey and Theo wagged their tails in response, which I'm choosing to interpret as an apology for their failure to protect my car from the evil doer with the motherfucking milk jug who tried to steal a bitch's hard earned petrol.
Lawd, have mercy...
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7 comments:
I'm surprised that there isn't more of this with gas prices hovering around $3/gallom. Be grateful that he wasn't trying to steal the whole car... by the time the Sorta-Beagles had noticed anything amiss, your car could have been in another state! LOL!
Ant Annie in Pittsburgh
Damn...looks like Bebes' kids are at it again.....
That is a sad sight when someone is so desperate they've got to steal gas.
omg , i can relate..once had the barkiest beasts on the planet - terriers, and the in and out of the back yard STFU dance.
Its kind of you to interpret the tail wagging as a apology..and hopefully they will channel that barking more effectively in the future. Dang !
gas stealing on a monday - oh yeah the economy is just dandy alright. In whose world ?
Man, when I saw Shaw in the title, I thought you meant my neighborhood in DC! I was like, damn, Imma have to get me a gas lock too?? But, phew, youre talking about StL - thank God! Cause I cant take no more shit in my 'hood.
Love your blog!
L
The police actually show up for something like that? Here, unless your ass is bleeding in the street, they just say, "call your insurance company."
I, too, am surprised the cops came. But, then again, I live in Dutchtown. Of course, I've also heard many stories of no-shows or late shows to serious crimes(assault,etc.) and insolent 911 dispatchers. I've had my fill of surly dispatchers. Why the fuck are Lou cops so fucking pissed off at their own City? The $35 million pension shortfall? Not above the 7yr. residency cutoff? I know that the force has lost several dozen officers in the last few years, but c'mon.
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