Tuesday, July 17, 2007

Guilty as homemade sin...

Lawd.

A bitch is a wee bit illish and yesterday my ass indulged in a crash-based day of sleep.

Sigh.

I needed that.

Shall we?

Guilty as homemade sin…
This bitch’s people spring from The South and St. Louis can only Midwesternize a bitch so much (wink), so it comes as no surprise that I have a fantabulous Red Velvet Cake recipe and I adore a good fall from righteousness.

Let’s have our cake and schadenfreudal joy too!

Ingredients for A Bitch’s Red Velvet Cake…
1/2 cup shortening
1 1/2 cups sugar
2 eggs
2 tablespoons cocoa
1 1/2 oz red food coloring
1 teaspoon salt
2 1/2 cups flour
1 teaspoon vanilla
1 cup buttermilk
1 teaspoon soda
1 tablespoons vinegar


Ingredients for a Senator’s Sex Saturated Hypocritical Fall from Grace
- One man on woman blessed by legal protection sanctified marriage.
- At least one man on woman (dare I assume?) festival of sex outside of the confines of that man on woman sanctified marriage.
- Larry Flynt, publisher of Hustler Magazine and his financial challenge to expose politicians who have indulged in festivals of sex outside the confines of their man on woman sanctified by law (blink) marriage.
- Deborah Jeane Palfrey – alleged to have run the alleged prostitution ring that allegedly set Senator Vitter up with his man on woman (did we confirm that?) festival of sex.
- Wendy Vitter, the offended wife, full to bursting with Southern fried maternal rage.
- The mainstream media, desperate for any non-war social values discussion stirring story they can find.

Preparation of A Bitch’s Red Velvet Cake...
Cream shortening - beat in sugar gradually. Add eggs one at a time and beat well after each addition. Make a paste of cocoa and food coloring then add to creamed mixture. Add salt, flour and vanilla alternately with buttermilk (yum), beat the tar out of it with each addition. Sprinkle soda over vinegar then pour vinegar over batter. Stir until thoroughly mixed. Bake in 3 8-inch pans for 30 minutes at 350°.

Preparation for a Senator’s Sex Saturated Hypocritical Fall from Grace …
Toss 'born in sin like the rest of us yet self appointed preserver of “traditional” values (mmmhmmm, talk about tradition…Lawd) conservative Republican' into politics.

Add one cup of ambition to one cup of flour (sift thoroughly to remove fidelity)

Cream…

What?

C'mon, who could resist that?

Cream (wink) in lots and lots of soft…so soft…and rich…so rich…umm, butter. Incorporate thoroughly creamed mixture in bowl with a dash of willingness to pick up the 'oh Gawd, we can’t let those gays get married ‘cause the sky will cave in' base attracting wedge issue ball and run with it.

Stir in Larry Flynt’s money…pour into Washington’s scandal adoring press corps…and bake.

Oh, hell yes!

I like to top my Red Velvet Cake with whipped sour cream icing.

Sigh.

Senator’s Sex Saturated Hypocritical Fall from Grace is best when served with a side of 'did someone say something about glass houses?' and a healthy portion of 'I told y’all traditionalists are the greatest threat to traditional marriage'.

As for Mrs. Vitter’s maternal rage?

Blink.

It would appear that wreeping what your man on woman sanctified before law husband sows is still traditional as a motherfucker in the world of politics.

Rather than complain about the attention your husband attracted, a bitch recommends taking to your front lawn and kicking off a Constitutional Amendment ballot initiative to ban extramarital fucking behind thy spouses back and without thy spouses permission.

Mind that you thank your husband for providing that platform for you, dear….

7 comments:

Jeff said...

Lest we forget, while cake is best allowed to cool before frosting, you want to serve that schadenfreude real. Damn. Cold.

Mmmm. Yum.

MichelleInAtlana said...

You are the BEST! I'm in the mood to bake now...

Ryan said...

Amen!

Ant Annie said...

HA!

Your recipe (for the cake) sounds delish!

Saw Mrs. V (or is that Mrs. Senator V? - titles being all important with this set) on the morning news and couldn't tell is she was ready to cry or cut off his "little V." How sad...

Ant Annie in Pittsburgh

Leota said...

Oh Goddess, that cake sounds amazing. . . .
I shall beg a beloved baking genius relative to make one.

And I must say I recently got back from New Orleans
and --I ain't ashamed-- laughed hysterically in Louis Armstrong Airport at The Times Picayune front page article--with highlighted portions even.

I love cake.

Eliza524 said...

Any recipe for the frosting? I've never heard of the sour cream frosting, just cream cheese.

Shark-fu said...

Sour Cream Frosting
Ingredients
4 tablespoons butter, softened
1/2 cup sour cream
1/2 teaspoon vanilla extract
1/2 teaspoon lemon juice
1/4 teaspoon salt
2 3/4 cups confectioners' sugar

Directions
In a medium bowl, mix together the butter, sour cream, vanilla, lemon juice and salt. Stir in confectioners' sugar, and beat with an electric mixer until smooth.