Thursday, June 07, 2007

You knew this one was coming…

This bitch just read the news that a certain Paris Hilton was released from jail into house arrest (I see bedazzled ankle bracelets as the next 'it' trend) due to a medical condition. I’m dying to know what medical condition we’re talking about.

It must be rare as a motherfucker to not preclude partying, sorta-acting in a television show or attending an awards show within hours of turning thyself in…and yet specifically make sitting about in jail for 23 days dangerous to one’s health.


Long time readers know of a bitch’s concern over the Paris Hiltonification of America. But the admission that Paris Hilton is ill rather than simply a vapid threat to the advancement of human kind actually soothed my anxiety.

You see, Paris Hilton is suffering from a wicked case of Privilege Robustus.


As a matter of fact, there may be an outbreak of it in Los Angeles. Britney, Lindsay, Nicole and Paris…yeah, we’re talking CDC worthy infection numbers! If we don’t act quickly this could turn out to be as bad as the Great Gilded Age Outbreak of 1889 (wink)!

Yes, it’s easy to become frantic over the thought of Paris Hilton walking amongst the rich and unfabulous spreading Privilege Robustus around via double cheek air kisses for years. And I know that your thoughts and prayers are now with her former fellow inmates who you fear were unknowingly exposed for the…ummm, well…three days she actually spent in jail.

But have no fear, chil’ren!

Everyone can’t catch Privilege Robustus. It takes a lot of money, the lawyers that money can buy and a judicial system sympathetic to the plight of the extremely rich and overly pampered.

Which helps explain why Paris Hilton is probably lounging by her pool with a designer ankle bracelet on sipping a Mai Tai while other young women remain in their jail cells waiting for the slow wheels of justice to sorta-turn.



ladyjax said...

I was wondering just how long Miss Paris was going to spend behind bars. I'm glad I didn't put money on it.

A medical condition? What, a broken fingernail?

Maya's Granny said...

Isn't it a pisser?

Rileysdtr said...


So despite a medical clinic with doctors and nurses on staff who are used to dealing with everything from drug-resistant TB to flesh-eating bacteria to shank wounds to full-blown AIDS couldn't give this poor child the treatment her medical condition requires.


Leota2 said...

Okay ABB . . .
Normally I try not to comment on the rich and vapid.

But when minority kids are arrested for no reason walking to school on the streets of NYC, and poor people who don't have $250 to get out on bail sit in jail for weeks and children in Texas are sent to prison for years for NOTHING--I say to a wasted, monied, anorexic, spoiled --this is what we get when the rich don't discipline their children--nothing.

But to the L.A. authorities---WHAT THE FUCK???????

Karmi said...

They say it is a mental condition....she was depressed or something like that...amazing, isn't it?

Hattie said...

But, but...this is a rich person with a health problem!
How can you be so cruel?

evilganome said...

I have heard rumors she wouldn't eat the prison food. Ya know what, do what you do with any spoiled brat and wait 'em out. They get hungry enough, they eat. God this pisses me off. And it pisses me off even more that she gets all this media attention for being a horse faces, scrawny no talent slut.

No wonder GWB is our president.

Meg said...

I heard that the pampered Ms Hilton had FIVE guards assigned to her, 24 hours a day, while she lived in a cell BY HERSELF. The LA County jail system is very overcrowded, and she gets a single. Maybe it was a cost cutting measure, releasing her early. Yeah, that's the story.

Maidink said...

I normally NEVER comment on or even give a flying fuck about the likes of Paris Hilton.

Today OUTRAGED me!

It was a clear, blatant show of how the rich and pretty are doing whatever the fuck they want in this country and the other 99% of us have to toil for their amusement.

I loathe her and her anorexic, drunken, pill popping, rich bitch, pussy posse.

Anyone up for a good old-fashion rebellion of the classes?

Anonymous said...

Haha. Paris Hilton is a spoiled brat and to be honest, i was surprised she went to jail at all. I wonder what all of her followers think of this...

Oh well!

HammerChe (now in Amsterdam btw!)

Jeff said...


I didn't know that terminal vapidity was a medical condition....

Anonymous said...

Too bad Johnnie Cochren is dead, Paris needed a good lawyer.