This bitch just read the news that a certain Paris Hilton was released from jail into house arrest (I see bedazzled ankle bracelets as the next 'it' trend) due to a medical condition. I’m dying to know what medical condition we’re talking about.
It must be rare as a motherfucker to not preclude partying, sorta-acting in a television show or attending an awards show within hours of turning thyself in…and yet specifically make sitting about in jail for 23 days dangerous to one’s health.
Long time readers know of a bitch’s concern over the Paris Hiltonification of America. But the admission that Paris Hilton is ill rather than simply a vapid threat to the advancement of human kind actually soothed my anxiety.
You see, Paris Hilton is suffering from a wicked case of Privilege Robustus.
As a matter of fact, there may be an outbreak of it in Los Angeles. Britney, Lindsay, Nicole and Paris…yeah, we’re talking CDC worthy infection numbers! If we don’t act quickly this could turn out to be as bad as the Great Gilded Age Outbreak of 1889 (wink)!
Yes, it’s easy to become frantic over the thought of Paris Hilton walking amongst the rich and unfabulous spreading Privilege Robustus around via double cheek air kisses for years. And I know that your thoughts and prayers are now with her former fellow inmates who you fear were unknowingly exposed for the…ummm, well…three days she actually spent in jail.
But have no fear, chil’ren!
Everyone can’t catch Privilege Robustus. It takes a lot of money, the lawyers that money can buy and a judicial system sympathetic to the plight of the extremely rich and overly pampered.
Which helps explain why Paris Hilton is probably lounging by her pool with a designer ankle bracelet on sipping a Mai Tai while other young women remain in their jail cells waiting for the slow wheels of justice to sorta-turn.