Monday, April 02, 2007

Eureka!

A bitch thinks I’ve figured out why Paula Zahn has become the race baiter of CNN!

This morning I was flipping channels whilst sipping a truly exceptional cup of coffee when I accidentally clicked onto CNN (a bitch has been trying to cut down because commercials for Glenn Beck and Nancy Grace followed by commercials for Zahn’s race baiting topic of the moment make me hive-ish).

Cough.

So, CNN popped onto the television and a commercial for Zahn’s Wednesday episode came on with the following sensationalized to the point of being comical voice over…

“You say you’re not a racist but all of your friends look the same. See if you’re guilty of self segregation!”

Mmmhmm, for real!

Suffice it to say, “Racism” and having a lot of friends who look a certain way being equated made my afro hurt.

It was downright sad to hear that “why do all the black kids sit together...you must hate white people” bullshit coming from the network that Bernard Shaw helped build.

Then it hit me…Zahn’s bait-heavy body of work points to one thing!

Paula Zahn’s black friend kicked her ass to the curb without a proper “I never could stand you because…” explanation.

Blink.

You know and I know that Paula had at least one black friend. My guess is that she was friends with a sistah and danced on her nerve about once a year, but not often enough to prompt a curb kicking to.

Then Paula went there over something and sistah-friend had enough and let her foot do the talking.

Shit, even a society sistah has her limits.

So, Paula got kicked to the curb which brought up all of her unaddressed white guilt issues…which explains her hate that hate built Morton Downey Jr. meets Geraldo Rivera's show during the late 1980s race baiting just ‘cause she can programming of late.

Or she could simply be working the stroll for some ratings...and everyone knows that intellectually lazy explorations of race in America are the 6 inch clear high-heels of news programming.

Blink followed by blink.

A bitch is going to try to intervene!

Dear I used to be Paula Zahn’s black friend before I had enough of her bullshit and kicked her to the curb,

Girlfriend please!

I know this would be a huge sacrifice. Okay, so she asked if she could touch your hair…got drunk and slobbered on and on about how she didn’t have anything to do with slavery and her nanny growing up was black…oh, and then made that comment about watermelon...

Okay, Paula Zahn is an asshole and you had more than enough reason to kick her narrow bony ass to the curb.

I’m not saying you have to be her friend again…you just can’t leave shit undefined. Turn on the television and witness what a lack of ‘why I kicked your ignorant Ann Coulter in training right down to the unfortunate ink black roots on your head ass to the curb’ clarity has wrought!

I need you to pick up the phone, dial Paula’s number and explain to her why you won’t be picking her for the kickball team ever again!

Do it, for the love of a network that has debased itself enough already (Glenn Beck? Oh, c'mon people!).

Oh, what the hell am I saying?

Fuck it, girl.

Leave that trash where you kicked it and give the gutter something to look forward to...

9 comments:

Rileysdtr said...

"Asked if she could touch your hair?"

Not having "black" hair, that went by a little fast... black girls used to want to touch my hair when we were young and it didn't phase me. What's wrong with that? I'm proud of the thick mess of greying thatch that keeps the top of my head well-insulated. Were they playing me all those years ago?

Tiger Lilly said...

^^^
Sigh.
I don't have the emotional energy to explain.

BigAssBelle said...

i saw that shit on CNN last night for the first time. i don't generally catch TV. made my afro hurt and i don't even have one.

please write, call, email your representatives and ask them to revisit the Fairness Doctrine. we'll never get rid of fuckheads like glenn beck and bill o'reilly and the rest of the institutionalized entertainohaters until we get it back.

with our media coming under the control of corporate interests more and more, it is especially critical that we reinstitute this policy of equal time.

ahem. not sorry for that, but thanks for letting me rant on your paula zahn thing.

kmd on livejournal said...

"everyone knows that intellectually lazy explorations of race in America are the 6 inch clear high-heels of news programming."

bwahahahahaha

Too true.

Undercover Black Man said...

You're on a roll. I didn't even realize Paula needed to be laid out till you went and did the damn thing. Hilarious!

rikyrah said...

I'm LMAO at your ' Black Friend' explanation about Paula Zahn. It is hilarious, and probably true.

Dr. amBITCHous said...

Thank you bigassbelle for ambitchously noting that: "with our media coming under the control of corporate interests more and more, it is especially critical that we reinstitute this policy of equal time." A recent media dumbing-down ambush sent me running for my Prozac salt lick, after which I fired back with this post: http://www.huffingtonpost.com/debra-condren-phd/abcs-niceline_b_41055.html

Anonymous said...

Wonderful post!

What caught my ear this week was when Paula Zahn had the Rutgers Girls' Basketball team on her show. After the team stated their feelings over Imus' statements, she acted really surprised when they sounded so articulate and coherent.

Why wouldn't they be articulate? They go to RUTGERS! They're SCHOLARS!

Anonymous said...

A bit disjointed, but a fairly hillarious attack on the race-baiter extraordinaire, Paula Zahn.

The only thing that would be better is if she actually wore those six inch clear platforms you speak of while selling her absurd brand of "white-guilt".

Speaking of absurd news stuff, I flipped by Fox yesterday and they had a blonde who looked like a pornstar talking about crude oil prices.

If you watch "My SuperSweet 16" or most of the crap on MTV or Disney Channel you'll realize why many people in Muslim countries might think "We don't want to be like you guys!!"

I'm hoping the echo cohort born to pre-boomers (Kids born in late 60s-early 70s) are going to be strong enough to right the ship and get America back on track.

I'm trying.