Thursday, April 05, 2007

Dear People of Belgium…

How to begin?

Sigh.

On behalf of the state of Missouri…the city of St. Louis (Shit, do we have to claim him? He lives in Clayton, doesn't he? Ugh.)…and the flock of the United Church of Bitchitude and Latter Day Drunks, this bitch would like to apologize in advance for newly appointed Ambassador Sam Fox.

Our Most Feared Leader, Scooter Bush, utilized a recess appointment to pay off an election securing debt owed a loyal friend…and you, the people of Belgium, are going to be the ones stuck with this asshole as ambassador from the United States.

Sorry ‘bout that.

Sam Fox of the truth be damned Swift Boat veterans for inaccuracy funding St. Louis Big Money Man on Campus capable of spending shit loads on political bullshit and thus worthy of a ‘you’ve done a fine job, Foxy’ kickback Ranger level Bushies…cough…has been appointed, by royal decree, ambassador to Belgium.

So, so very sorry!

Allow me to explain.

Some men drive giant sport utility vehicles or trucks to compensate for…well, hmmm.

Scooter B. tosses out recess appointments from hell.

The thing is, this bitch can already see Fox in action in Belgium!

You can expect an ad campaign against Prime Minister Verhofstad.

Oh yeah, that’s a given.

Fox will quickly ally himself with the conservatives and go after liberalism with a ferocious behind the scenes and not on paper blood lust that will shock and alarm!

Mmhmm, this bitch gives it three months tops before you start to see Belgium Vets for Truth ads calling out Prime Minister Guy Verhofstad for something he didn’t do or alleging that he didn’t do something he did do.

Fox, being the money man…and a coward...will hide behind his checkbook and fund the hell out of the campaign.

Sigh.

But a bitch is certain the great people of Belgium will survive Sam Fox (again, so sorry) and emerge unchanged.

Just keep your eyes on him…he’s an established knave, trust a bitch.

Bonne chance, Belgium!

Uh, or is it bonne courage?

What?

Lawd!

Umm, veel geluk?

Oh, hell.

May the force be with you…

11 comments:

It's Me, Maven... said...

Why am I suddenly day dreaming of Marcus Samuelson now?

Kelley said...

True dat.

May I just add apologies to the great nation of Belgium on behalf of all Kentuckians?

Es tut mir Leid.

Maya's Granny said...

Has any country ever refused an ambassador? Said, we don't want this sorry asshole stepping onto our land? I suppose that even if one had, Belgium is so civilized they probably wouldn't.

BigAssBelle said...

george bush is an asshat. that is all.

Sarah said...

Having enjoyed the hospitality (not to mention the exquisite beer)of Belgium, and being the proud mother of a Belgian sheepdog, I too feel great sadness for these poor people...even my meine schatzie Heidi (the dog) looks depressed.
I will take responsilbility and apologize for the state of California in advance.

btw...found you thru Hidden Mahala's site, love your spirit girl!

Shark-fu said...

Maven...who needs an excuse? You naughty thang!

Kelley...who can be mad at a state that produces yummified bourbon?

Maya's granny...now that is a great trivia question (opens new tab to begin google search).

I hear you on that BAB...big time.

And welcome to you Sarah..and your dawg Heidi too!

Red7Eric said...

Brilliant. Fortunately, Europeans watch the news on a regular basis, and so even tho' they will have to put up with this rich motherf#@ker until 2009, they'll know he was inflicted on them without the blessings of the American people.

And on the happy side, I think he's in for a rude awakening. It'll be a little more difficult to surround himself with dogmatic conservative asshats in Belgium than it is here at home. Enjoy the fries, f#@kwad.

rozlips said...

Damn, no chocolate, no Lambics, we are so fucked.

It's Me, Maven... said...

In retrospect, I was getting my northern European languages all mixed up... Samuelson is Norwegian, not Belgian, however... he is quite a chunk of yumminess.

Jeff said...

Jesus! I hope he chokes on a pomme frite avec mayonnaise.

Anonymous said...

Ahahahahahaha!

Asshat! Brilliant.

New favorite word.

Love you ABB,

Jules of the Nile