A Dirty Rotten Strip...

The DRS Company & St. Louis Effort for AIDS present

One Night Only
A Dirty Rotten Strip

Cast and Crew of the Broadway National Touring Company of DIRTY ROTTEN SCOUNDRELS sing, dance, tease, strip and bare it all!

When - Monday April 2, 2007 Showtime at 9pm (doors open at 7pm)

Where - Atomic Cowboy on Manchester

Why - All proceeds benefit BC/EFA and STLEFA

Tickets are $25.00 Call (314) 645-6451 x230

BC/EFA is a non-profit organization which directly supports individuals and their families who are living with HIV and AIDS. It also benefits the Phyllis Newman Women's Health Initiative which provides assistance to women living with breast and cervical cancer.

STLEFA's mission is to provide education on the prevention of HIV/AIDS and comprehensive support services for those affected by the disease.

Time for a foot soak...

Lawd have mercy, I am tired as hell!

A bitch got my lobby on yesterday with 200 fellow activists in Jefferson City as part of PROMO's Lobby Day...and my ass is tired as hell as a result. The capitol has a lot of stairs...a few elevators, but lots and lots followed by lots of stairs.

Wince.

So, this bitch got to know my crutches better. Shit, we're the best of friends now!

Ugh.

The most inspiring part of Lobby Day was that so many young people participated. I kept thinking that the world can't be total shit when young folks are willing to spend the day running the stairs (ouch) and educating their elected representatives.

Fantabulous!

Now, I'm enjoying a day off and a foot soak.

Ahhhh, Epsom Salt...

Just in case you don’t read Newsweek…

This bitch does read Newsweek and wanted to bring this article to everyone’s attention.

My older brother is autistic and my sister and I are his co-guardians, which is why an article about family leave being under attack caught my attention.

My reality is the family leave act even though I’m not sure sibling guardianship is covered. I was able to secure employment that allows me to be at doctor appointments and dental cleanings. But my reality is that I have had to anticipate the unanticipated drama…I save up sick days and vacation days, never use those personal days and generally keep a cache of time on hand just in case.

Trust that my reality is a lot of people’s reality. Not just folks with profound autism in their life, but Americans who are now the sandwich generation caught caring for an aging parent and children at the same time.

The problem this bitch sees is that no one takes the time to connect all those ‘families have been stretched to the breaking point’ Today Show headline making studies with dumb ass big business supported ideas like 'we need to rethink the family leave act'.

If they did connect them, they might find that the sandwich generation is going to need that family leave business...big time. And yes, they will need it for shit like a cold. Elderly parents with the common cold are a ‘I’m going to stay home’ kind of illness.

Now of course a bitch is sure there are some people abusing FMLA.

Shit, Big Business abuses the tax code every year and I don’t see anyone doing anything about that shit (wink).

Seriously, abuse of anything goes hand and hand with people. But some abuse should not be the excuse for tossing aside FMLA just when the largest generation of Americans is most likely going to need to start using it.

Blink.

Or is that the point?

Let’s jump right…hold it…well hell, my ass can’t jump for shit with this foot/ankle/lower calf pain-based drama I’m dealing with.

Shit!

Fuck it all…shall we begin?

A note on injury…
This bitch tries to learn something positive from incidents and this recent sprain from the depths of hell that has taken over my lower right leg is no exception.

Getting from my house to the car…up stairs and downstairs…to the drug store to get the pain/inflammation meds my ass is luck enough to have health insurance cover…hell, navigating the daily shit that is life is a challenge I no longer take for granted.

Mercy!

Moving forward...slowly and with great caution...

This bitch will be in Jefferson City tomorrow to get my lobby on with PROMO!

If you have never participated in a Lobby Day this bitch highly recommends it. I learned more about the reality of politics in one Lobby Day than I learned from hours of The West Wing (wink).

If you have never spoken to your state representative or senator this bitch suggests you push away from the computer, pick up the phone and then proceed to reach out and touch those elected to represent you.

Be prepared to talk about something, though. Know which body of government is responsible for what…otherwise you’ll be bitching at a senator about an alderperson based problem.

Pause.

But fuck it, mayhap the senator should know that the alderperson isn’t doing shit about the trash in the alley behind your home…blink…as a matter of fact!...

Blink.

My bad!

Anyhoo…

My individual responsibility as a citizen is to vote and to provide citizen oversight. That’s right; we the people have an oversight role to fill too! When I teach my voter education classes I instruct my students to vote from a place of knowledge but that voting is only the beginning.

Citizen to elected official interaction is not limited to election years, y'all!

Nothing pisses me off more than when folks act as if government happens to them. Government can only be of the people if the people (yeah, you and me damnit) get up in the face of government and hold it accountable.

Or run for office our damned selves!

Cough.

Trust a bitch; Lobbying is an educational experience not to be missed.

Shark-fu’s How to be a Lobby of One Rant…

Get to know your issue - Please don’t go firing off at some elected individual with the facts all fucked up. I’ve actually talked myself down from mad more than once simply by researching a topic prior to meeting with my representative.

Amazing!

Get your learn on and then get your lobby on.

Know who else is working the issue - For the love of all that is logical, do yourself a favor and find out who is working on what, who has been working on what, and who plans to work on what prior to meeting with anyone. Nothing screams ‘out of touch idiot who likes to hear themselves talk’ more than a citizen going off about what hasn’t been done when the fact is she wouldn’t know what had been done if it jumped up and pinched her cheek.

Cough.

Know voting records - A bitch likes to pull my representative’s and senator’s voting records prior to meeting with them. If they are newly elected, I pull out their campaign material. Explaining why the hell they did what they did or didn’t do what they said they would is their job…you are the boss…and they are required to be answerable to we the people. To be honest, I’ve had a few of my reps correct my ass on the who what when and where of a vote so don’t assume that they are wrong until you talk to them.

Follow-up - A bitch is all about the follow up. We don’t get a pass on the oversight thang, chil’ren! If a vote was pending then let the politician know what your thought of their vote. Tell them thank you when they do the right thing…tell them why when you think they did the wrong thing. Follow the hell up or your rants are worthless and easy to disregard.

Ask the question -If your elected official is on the right page ask them what you can do to help them. Trust a bitch, there is plenty to do and a lot of what is undone was ours to do.

And finally, tell the story - Tell your family, friends and co-workers about your experience. If your lobbying was a great experience let folks know. If you were met with dismissive disdain let everyone you meet know that too. Add your personal insight to the media blitz of bullshit about a candidate. This bitch trusts the opinion of folks I know far more than a glossy assed mailer anyway!

Okay, I’m off my soapbox for now.

As I mentioned I will be in Jefferson City tomorrow getting my lobby on and that place had best be crutch friendly or a bitch is going off!

Lawd, give me strength...

Ugh!

Okay…alright…here we go!

But first, a review of Carrot Stew…
All I can say is that carrot stew is a party in your mouth.

Happiness followed by joy!

Which was a good thing, because a bitch had a dawg walking accident Saturday and was in desperate need for some happiness and joy by the time Sunday came ‘round.

Why this bitch is limping on a crutch today...
Basically, I was walking the sorta-beagles when they houndishly fixated on something to the left. This bitch was walking to the right.

Dawgs tugged left…a bitch spun around to the right…my feet stayed where they were…and something made a pop in my right ankle.

Wince.

Honest! This bitch heard something pop down there!

Nasty.

I hit the ground cursing all things beagle. By the time I made it home I was convinced that my ankle was no longer attached to my leg.
Which made me feel hurlish on top of battered.

Beyond nasty!

But not nasty enough to have this bitch run out to visit a St. Louis city Emergency Room on a Saturday night.

A phone call to my doctor friend Lukas (hugs and thanks to you) put me more at ease. Apparently I wouldn’t have been able to hobble around on it if I had really fucked it up! And a quick trip to my doctor this morning confirmed that this bitch has the mother of all sprains in my ankle area.

Mercy.

Sorta-beagles should come with warning labels!

By request, Shaquanda Cotton...

A bitch has received several comments and e-mails about the jailing of a 15 year old woman in Paris Texas for 7 years apparently for shoving a hall monitor at school (oh, good Gawd!!).

I have not been able to research this but did find other sites that have posted on this case.

Kim Pearson at BlogHer

Mary Madewell The Paris News

And of course, Howard Witt at the Chicago Tribune

Thanks you to everyone who brought this to my attention!

Illish and bitter 'bout it...

This bitch has a cold.

Or maybe this is allergies?

Fuck it….who can think with this much cough medicine in their system?

Cough...sniff...wheeze...

The Roots…
Last night a bitch took my illish self out to see The Roots at The Pageant. This bitch, Brother Rob Thurman, my Play Husband and his man-friend were among the masses getting our funk-infused hip hop on!

It was a great show and the crowd gave off a fantabulous vibe, so this bitch is glad I rallied.

Quote of the night deliberately provided without context … “Girl, are you telling me they pay money for you to whoop their ass? Shit, I need a job like that!”

Wink.

Moving forward…

This bitch plans to lay low this weekend and get some serious writing done. My one plan, other than not answering my phone is to cook the following yummified recipe.

This one’s straight from the bayou of Louisiana courtesy of the fantabulous thatfarmgirl (hugs to you, m’dear).

CARROT STEW
1 pork chop, bone in
2 cans sliced carrots, drained (or a large bag of fresh carrots, peeled and sliced)
1 bunch green onions
Scant 1/4 cup oil
Scant 1/4 cup flour
One medium onion, chopped
Two cloves garlic, minced

Season your pork chop and brown it in a little oil until well browned on both sides. Remove from pan and add remaining oil (it's okay if you use a little more than 1/4 c. of oil...just up your flour amount to match).

Make a roux! While oil is hot, add flour and whisk/stir constantly until roux is light brown. You MUST keep stirring or the roux will burn. Don't even think about stopping to take a sip of a vodka cran...

When roux is light-ish brown, add onions and saute 2-3 minutes, then add garlic and saute another minute, then add carrots and a little less than 2 cans of hot water. Put pork chop on top of carrots. Bring to a boil for one minute, then turn down to simmer and put a lid on it. Simmer for about an hour, checking frequently to see if you need to add more water. The roux and smothered carrots will make a delicious gravy. Serve over white rice and sprinkle green onions on top. Season with salt and LOTS of black pepper.

Gawd, help me…it even reads yummy!

St. Louis School Board News...

The State of Missouri will take over St. Louis Public Schools.

For some great reporting on this topic and all things St. Louis and political, check out my brother in blogging Mr. French at Pub Def Weekly.

Go on with your bad self and bring the news to the people!

Connectitude Part 2…

Keeping with the theme of my beloved Connections, I give you the following…

Immoral Healthcare Cuts + Missouri Conservatives on the Hunt + the Show Me State Governor from Hell = Women denied access to Cancer Screenings?

What…the…fuck?

Two words say it all - Matt Blunt.

Okay, so it should come as no surprise that this bitch can not stand the current nightmare on two legs that is Missouri’s Governor, Matt Blunt. His version of family values has resulted in my mentally disabled brother no longer having dental coverage (and I soooo look forward to teaching his autistic self how to deal with dentures…not) and my brother no longer having the option to work within the community (because Gawd forbid autistic adults earn $100 a month contributing to society…who knew Bill was such a money hungry spend-monster?). Add to that the fact that his train-wreck of an administration has set about destroying social programs whilst doing little to nothing to promote job growth, the economy, infrastructure, the environment or education.

No doubt about it…he’s an asshole!

So we have Matt Blunt.

Matt, in support of his so-called family values, cut over 100,000 working poor Missourians off of Medicaid. Many of these cuts impacted rural families.

Way…to…go.

So working women who do not get healthcare through their jobs lost healthcare through Medicaid, which would have saved us all money since it costs a hell of a lot more money to treat than to prevent…but Matt is not one to opt for logic.

Which connects to Missouri Conservatives ongoing jihad against Planned Parenthood. Planned Parenthood provides affordable healthcare to women including STD screenings and cancer screenings. Conservatives are more concerned with the fact that some Planned Parenthood locations provide abortion services.

Pause.

To be honest, these people dislike the entire family planning thang…birth control, emergency contraception, sex education and abortion services. They are at war with the notion of planned parenthood.

Now connect that with the cuts Matt made to Medicaid and you’ll see a picture develop. Women cut from Medicaid were going to Planned Parenthood for screenings and healthcare.

After the cuts more women were seeking healthcare through these providers.

Missouri Conservatives weren’t trying to hear that and called Matt I owe them my political life Blunt…who announced that funding for Planned Parenthood to provide free cancer screenings through a state program has been cut.

Yes.

Cut.

Missouri Governor Matt Blunt (R) announced Monday that he will end funding to Planned Parenthood offices for a program that provides free breast and cervical cancer screenings to women. The money that went to the "Show Me Healthy Women" program -- a play on the "Show Me" state's motto -- will now go to other organizations because "patients should not have to go to an abortion clinic to access lifesaving tests," Blunt asserted. (Feminist Daily News Wire)

Never mind that the facilities getting the funding from this program did not provide abortion services.

Never mind that early detection of cancer is the key to survival.

And never fucking mind that these women are mothers, sisters, wives and partners and that this move is without defense given the already unacceptable healthcare conditions facing too many of my sisters in rural Missouri.

Lawd, have mercy!

If you’re a Missourian let your elected officials know how you feel about this.

Missouri House

Missouri Senate

And y'all be sure to let Matt Blunt know how you feel about this too.

"Promoting a culture of life" my angry black ass...

Connectitude Part 1…

This bitch adores the documentary Connections that airs on BBC when the programming gods are kind enough to bless us. If you haven’t seen it a bitch recommends the hell out of it!

The best thing about Connections is that it changed the way I viewed things. Rather than see incidents or historical happenings as isolated events I see how they connect out…how one thing leads to another…and how shit spirals of political bullshit growth and expand.

Fantabulous!

Anyhoo, today will be a day of bitchitude is in the spirit of Connections…

Shall we?

10 Commandments + NASA Scandal + Pace = Selectively Applied Bullshit
A bitch caught the end of a news item this morning that made my afro twinge.

The astronaut at the center of the NASA kidnapping/sexual misconduct whilst in space scandal has a new job. Now this normally wouldn’t have caused a bitch to pause, but this morning the connections jumped up into my brain and set up house.

Let’s start with the 10 Commandments…specifically the ones stating that folks shouldn’t commit adultery or covet their neighbor’s wife. Which provides us with a connection…a possible man on woman fluid exchanging sex or at the very least covet based connection…to the recent NASA “stay away from my man” scandal.

Lisa Nowak (in the Navy), who is still legally married, apparently lost her shit and allegedly attempted to kidnap a romantic rival for the affection of another astronaut Bill Oefelein (also in the Navy). Following Nowak’s arrest all manner of sexy e-mails surfaced that seem to point towards flirtations between Oefelein and the may have been almost kidnapped female victim…those e-mails apparently were going back and forth whilst he (Oefelein) was in space (oooooh, you kinky so and so!)…and the same e-mail exchanges may or may not have driven Nowak to drive to Florida and allegedly almost kidnap her might be rival.

Mercy!

Nowak was let go from NASA but not the Navy…Oefelein remains there…and Shipman, the Air Force Captain who might have been almost kidnapped, is also still holding on strong.

Which connects to General Pace, who made personal comments about Don’t Ask Don’t Tell stating the he personally finds homosexuality immoral and feels that allowing gays to openly serve would be wrong and condone if not promote the blah blah followed by blahish bullshit. Pace went on to say…

“As an individual, I would not want [ acceptance of gay behavior ] to be our policy, just like I would not want it to be our policy that if we were to find out that so-and-so was sleeping with somebody else’s wife, that we would just look the other way, which we do not. We prosecute that kind of immoral behavior.”

To which a bitch responds with “Bullshit!”

Gays and lesbians are kicked out of the service for being gays and lesbians…but Lisa ‘my trial date has yet to be set and my divorce isn’t final’ Nowak just got a new job and Bill ‘can I show you my rocket’ Oefelein still has his NASA gig and apparently a guaranteed Navy slot if NASA kicks him the the curb.

Blink.

Now, this may just be another case of a slow to address misconduct machine…sniff followed by sniff…but it smells like bullshit to me.

Mercy!

Now if you switch Oefelein for Shipman in this fucked up from the floor up mess of a drama-based scandal…cough…well, this bitch is pretty sure Nowak wouldn’t be starting a new gig.

But hey, thanks to the brass for clearing up that immorality confusion up for a bitch!

The local link that continues to stink...

Okay, so a bitch watched Scooter B. give a sorta-press conference yesterday where he attempted to go off.

Blink.

Oh, the press may be orgasmic about how mad he was but this bitch wasn’t feeling it. 41 gave good mad. Shit, I still recall spit flying when 41 went off about carping liberals and so forth. Sigh. Yeah 41 gave good mad. And Clinton did too…flushed faced, eyes glaring and finger pointing old fashioned mad.

But Scooter B. does mad awkwardly…too heavy on the dismissive monarch-esque disdain. It’s as if he can’t believe he has to answer to the masses…or to congress…or to anyone at all. That level of toddler-based ‘give me back my rattle’ anger will never make for good mad.

Anyhoo, Scooter B. was attempting to give good mad whilst defending his Attorney General. He was giving it his best…pissed off to high hell that his people may have to explain what the hell they’ve been doing while on the people’s dime.

Oh my!

And this bitch is very interested in the Missouri link to this shit storm. Our own state asshole in charge, Governor Blunt…son of Congressman Roy Blunt…was all worked up over whether his (Gov. Blunt) office was being investigated for alleged mishandlings in the license office. Something about fees, I believe.

The prosecutor who was investigating Blunt was Bud Cummins.

Bud Cummins was fired and replaced by a Bushie named Timothy ‘how can I make this all go away for you’ Griffin.

Which may or may not be criminal…but it sure as shit is of interest to this Missouri bitch who would like to know what the fuck went down.

Mayhap an e-mail from Governor Blunt’s office will surface and help me understand why his office feared an investigation in the first place.

Now, I’m not saying anyone did anything criminal…but when you see flies that size you’re usually near some shit.

Let the dance begin...

Okay, this bitch is having the hardest time keeping up with this firing of prosecutors story!

The latest is that Justice is attempting to paper the White House in a freakish revival of Nixon’s transcription fiasco from hell.

Pause.

A bitch must admit that my ass would be beyond tickled if a bunch of expletive deleted censored notations were exposed!

Blink.

Oh come on now, a bitch is willing to bet Harriet Miers has a serious potty mouth (wink).

Anyhoo…

They have denied…and then lied…and then revealed that they hadn’t intended to reveal what they revealed the way they revealed it…and then lied…followed by a massive attack of document diarrhea.

Oh but wait…it gets better!

Breaking news is breaking…ugh…that Rove and Miers will be “allowed” to testify before congress.

Just as long as they don’t have to do so under oath.

Nice...very nice...almost as good as sending over a tape with 18 minutes missing.

But I thought members of the Bush Administration had their left hand surgically attached to the Bible.

Frown.

Do they fear the arm of the law…the evil light of reality…or the vengeance of a wrathful Gawd that will strike them down in the courtroom like the lie spewing souless minions from hell that they are!

Oh my.

What an amazing visual.

Fuck it all, a bitch is going to have to TiVo C-SPAN…

BUYBCD...

Today is Back Up Your Birth Control Day which is a day centered on educating folks about and raising awareness of Emergency Contraception.

So let’s get our learn on!

Emergency Contraception (EC) otherwise known as “the morning after pill” is a safe and effective way to help prevent pregnancy AFTER unprotected sex or birth control failure.

As a woman who volunteers with pregnant teens and homeless mothers I take this issue very seriously. EC is a part of choice and we’re going to have to fight to keep EC available…to educate the public about it…and to protect our right to use it.

EC is available without a prescription for women 18 years and older and can be obtained at the pharmacy. Women younger than 18 will need a prescription from their doctor or other heath care provider. Visit www.IneedEC.info for information.

We must be prepared to fight for the right of all women to be informed of this option when being counseled after rape. The victims of rape now have the option to prevent conception…the ability to take back that measure of power and control over their body…the blessing of not having to wait days or weeks to confirm their pregnancy status when they are already burden with test results to confirm all manner of other things.

I have met women who would have and I have met women who would not have taken EC after rape. All women deserved the respect and dignity of that choice.

EC is a higher dosage of the same hormones found in birth control pills.

We must be prepared to protect this choice the participants in “oh shit, it broke” incidents or the unfortunate attempt at the withdrawal method. I’ve witnessed all of the sad ramifications of a culture dedicated to raising young people in a state of reproductive ignorance and eager to punish them when they act based on what little they do know.

EC - when used within 5 days of unprotected sex - can significantly reduce the risk of unintended pregnancy.

Yes, we must fight for the protected right of all women to have this option. The young women I meet who knew that they will be kicked out of their home for “coming up pregnant”. The women who tell me how they wish there had been some other way.

There is.

There are safe and legal choices that empower rather than punish and we must be prepared to protect and defend them.

EC is NOT the same thing as Mifeprex or RU-486. EC will not terminate an existing pregnancy. EC will not work if a woman is already pregnant.

So, a bitch encourages y’all to get your learn on.

Educate others in your family, friendship circles and community.

Plan B® is the name of the "dedicated" EC product on the market. Plan B is available to women 18 and older and can be obtained from a pharmacist. Women younger than 18 need a prescription from their doctor or other heath care provider.

Knowledge has been, is now and forever will be power.

Which is why they fear it.

And why we must continue to seek it.

Ahh, Friday...

Thank Gawd Friday has come!

Miss SistahGirl Cabrio is currently undergoing mirror-based surgery at The Dean Team of Kirkwood. Bless them for calling to tell this bitch that she’ll be released today!

Whew.

This bitch needs my ride, y'all!

Theo the Baymaster is doing very well. Betsey the sorta-beagle and Mr. Theo have almost bonded. They sleep on the couch together…like to go outside to sun themselves together…but every now and then Betsey pounces on his hound ass to show him who the boss of beagletude is ‘round these parts.

Moving forward…

Nikki Giovanni is coming to town and this bitch is too excited!

The St. Louis Public Library is presenting Authors @ Your Library…and Nikki G. will be at Central Monday 3/19/2007 at 7 pm.

Trust that a bitch shall be there too.

Nikki Giovanni will discuss Acolytes, a collection of 80 new poems.
Hell yes!

The event is free…free, chil’ren…and folks should call 314-206-6779 for more information.

A nasty little revival....

It appears that eugenics is poised for a revival..

You knew it was only a matter of time…you knew it…before some false prophet stepped up and went there.

If there is a biological link to a person being lesbian or gay …pause…wait for it!...wait for it, damn you!…ah, then Gawd shall not suffer that queer to live!

That’s right, The Rev. R. Albert Mohler Jr. validates the biological link to gayness…but feels that it is still a sin…so he thinks folks should explore medical ways to “treat” the “problem” in the womb.

Pause.

It’s almost as if I’ve heard this shit before…in America…with religious justifications.

Mercy.

Someone please tell me this is when the sky parts and a bitch gets left behind.

Pause again.

Now if they could only find that elusive asshole gene…

Full of cookie-based joy...

Jumping right on it…

A bitch read this story about Disney’s first Black princess with some surprise.

Oh my!

How ‘bout that?

And the movie is set in New Orleans too!

Nice.

This bitch may have to suffer through another Randy Newman score (wince) and witness animation history!

On a much yummier note…

Girl.

Scout.

Cookies.

Mmmhmmm.

Boxes of yummified goodness filled with empowered joy!

This bitch has already inhaled half a box of Thin Mints and we’re only on day two of having them in the house.

Blink.

Fuck it!

Girl Scout Cookies are the shit!

Almost Smells Like Chocolate….

Thank y’all for the advice and warm words! A bitch appreciates the heck out of you all.

And it is better today.

On a much more bitchitude infused note…

Shall we?

Almost Smells Like Chocolate….
A bitch’s favorite documentary is the Watergate series produced by Discovery Channel. It’s old and my ass is fearful that the VHS will die on me like my beloved Ordinary People tape did last year…sob…but this is one of the best pieces on Watergate this Watergate obsessed bitch has ever seen.

Anyhoo, while watching Attorney General Gonzalez attempt to bob and weave through the political minefield that almost always results from using the weapons of government against one’s political enemies this bitch was immediately reminded of Nixon and Watergate and the purge of several Attorneys General.

If memory serves me right, Nixon wanted to get rid of Special Prosecutor Archie Cox because Archie was investigating…well, the crimes of the Nixon Administration.

Blink.

Apparently Nixon’s Attorney General Elliot Richardson took the law a wee bit seriously and refused. Nixon insisted…Richardson resigned and was replaced by William Ruckelshaus.

Ruckelshaus refused…Nixon insisted…Ruckelshaus resigned and was replaced by the third in line none other than then Solicitor General Robert H. Bork.

Bork being Bork did the dance, fired Cox and went home having somehow managed to not issue orders to shut down the office of the Special Prosecutor which is why they continued their glorious work and uncovered all manner of illegal drama.

Lawd, these were not the brightest stars in the sky.

Anyhoo, Nixon and his minions tried to spin that purge as not politically motivated too.

Didn’t work out too well in the end, but Richardson and Ruckelshaus emerged as sympathetic figures believed to have held out for the rule of law in the face of Nixon’s criminal tendencies.

Pause.

This emerging Attorney General scandal coupled with the fact that Gonzales appears to have the moral integrity of Bork (wince) is almost enough to make the Saturday Night Massacre smell like chocolate.

Almost.

Pondering a war on my depressive funk...

A bitch has been in a depressive funk. They happen and when they do I resent the hell out of them. Damned turbulent emotions!

Anyhoo, a bitch has been pondering a war on my depressive funk.

Blink.

Shit, if America can be at war with terror this bitch can go to war with my depression. Come to think of it, my ass might declare war on all of my drama based emotions! This emotion-based war waging could turn into the new “it” therapy. Yeah! I could write a book…consult a bunch of experts…call it The Bitch-based Key and get rich as hell.

Pause.

If only I could get out of this depressive funk.

Sigh.

I’m in a funk and when in a funk I’m pretty damned proud of myself for rising from my bed, bathing and eating daily. Each day whilst the funk hovers about me I go about my bitness hoping that nothing happens.

That’s right…nothing. Because it already feels as if the darkness is going to shallow a bitch whole. Lawd have mercy if one more negative thing happens and topples me into hospital!

Wince.

So I spent the weekend hoping nothing would happen…yet it did. Hoping that no one would choose those two back to back days to want to talk or complain or critique or laugh or debate or discuss or be in my funkified presence.

Shit.

But life continues even when we’re drowning in a sea of emotional drama.

The new dawg…the chores that are always there even when it takes twice as long to accomplish them because I’m moving through invisible mud…the bills…the social occasions that I no longer have the energy to prepare for.

Life just keeps coming...being…moving…pushing.

But hey, I woke up yesterday…bathed…got dressed…forced myself to eat…went to work.

Life.

Came home at lunch to check on the new hound.

Going.

Didn’t eat…wasn’t hungry…but went back to work.

On.

Only to complete my day, walk outside and discover that some shameless motherfucker who is now officially cursed to the deepest level of Dante’s hell blew past Miss Sister Girl Cabrio and took out her other mirror.

Longtime readers will note that a bitch’s passenger side mirror was taken out by a driver for the pizza company that shall not be called by name but is also damned to a vengeful hell.

Now the car maintenance that this bitch has been avoiding is…well, unavoidable.

Fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck followed by fuck!

I indulged in a fantabulous snot based cry…vicious tears, I tell you…hiccups were involved, for real!

And I emerged spent but not broken.

Still going on.

Yes, this bitch is at war with depression. I suppose fighting battles by getting up, bathing, dressing and going to work.

Sigh.

And if I find the motherfucker who took out my Cabrio’s other mirror I’m going to accomplish a serious mission on her or his fleeing the scene of a crash-esque incident ass!

Quickly…

A bitch thanks everyone for the wonderful advice regarding our newest sorta-beagle foster-based addition, Theo the BayMaster.

He is settling in nicely and we’re scheduled to get that back leg issue looked at in 2 weeks. As for the baying…well. Theo the BayMaster may be the smallest dawg in the house, but he sure as shit knows how to make his opinion known!

Anyhoo, a bitch is taking the day to contemplate the unbearable lightness of being.

Bitchitude shall return tomorrow…

Newt's Bringing Sexy Back...

A bitch heard the news that Newt Gingrich confessed to James Dobson that he (Newt) got busy with one woman while married to another woman during the same time he (Newt) was going after President Clinton for getting busy with one woman while married to another woman.

Cough.

And I resent the hell out of that nastified thought being forced into my brain!

Not Newt fucking (wince) though that’s nasty enough. But c’mon now! Newt G. getting “I know this is wrong but I just can’t control myself and I’ll die if you don’t touch me right this second” 10 Commandment defying sex? Heaven to hell, that is the very definition of nastified!

Ugh.

And what the fuck are we suppose to tell the chil’ren now?

Blink.

A bitch’s thoughts on Newt bringing sexy back…
I ain’t buying it.

Nope!

I do not believe that Newt G. fucked around on his wife…uh, second wife. Shit, this bitch didn’t believe he was human for the longest time and now you expect me to believe that he was married and then seduced…then married and seduced again…then married again. Did I get that right? Fuck it all.

I call bullshit!

It’s rather convenient that this comes out now while Newt is desperate for attention.

Mmmhmmm, just look at the payoff!

Mmmhmm!

What’s next? Newt putting his name in the ring as Anna Nicole’s baby’s daddy?

Jesus!

It’s clear to me that Newt G. is merely responding to the fact that the Republican base has done an about face on the character issue. Giuliani is polling ahead despite his…well, his 'let no man put asunder' & 'until death do us part' loyalty-based issues.

What the fuck was Newt to do?

This is Politics 101, chil’ren! The people like blonds and political whores go blond. They like ‘awe shucks I didn’t mean to fuck her and destroy my traditional marriage in a time when y’all feel that marriage is being threatened but let’s be clear that my inability to stay traditionally married is in no way as threatening as gays getting married so we should still be cool and why don’t we talk about tax cuts instead’ politicians…well, y’all can fill in that blank.

Nicely done, Newt!

Oh, and that Dobson coup…that was very nice.

But when did Dobson become Gawd?

I’m just asking, because this Protestant bitch has never confessed my sins to a man in my life. I was taught that confessions were between me and the Divine One and forgiveness was the Lawd’s. Mayhap Dobson should refresh himself on the foundation of Protestant faith before he takes that People’s Templesque shit into the pulpit!

As for Newt? Mayhap he’ll luck out and have his name emerge in the sex scandal investigation. Hell, this Confessions of a Lustful Candidate routine may take him right into the blessed salvation of the Presidency.

Shucks, everyone knows how difficult it is to get any side action while…oh…fuck it…wince…no, don’t "fuck" it…mercy!

Mayhap we should replace Inaugural Balls with Purity Balls?

A new dawg addition to our family…

Thursday evening a bitch was at home and settling in. The dawgs were fed...my bra was off…cotton-based sleep wear was on.

Sigh.

I was just about to indulge in a vodka cran when a knock sounded upon our front door.

Now this bitch is not one to have folks just “drop by” so I was tempted to ignore it. Tempted but curiosity won out. I opened the blinds…yes, a bitch has become one of those people who peeks through blinds…mercy…and saw my neighbor, two young boys I didn’t recognize and a sorta-beagle.

Blink.

Not Betsey the sorta-beagle, thank Gawd. No this was a slightly smaller toffee colored male version of Ms. Betsey.

Anyhoo, it seems that the young men rescued this non-Betsey sorta-beagle when they found him wandering the street. Their mother wasn’t having any parts of a new dawg in the house so they were walking around trying to find the owner. My neighbor, bless her heart, thought this new sorta-beagle looked enough like my sorta-beagle to warrant a knock on the door.

Whew!

Well, it wasn’t Betsey. Even this bitch could see that he was definitely a he…though his “fixed” state did require an inspection to verify. Lawd! Post visual exam I asked the young men what they were going to do.

“I don’t know.” they replied.

This bitch then asked my neighbor what she was thinking about doing. Well, they have young chil’ren and a new puppy so taking on the task of a may be permanent but may very well be reunited quickly sorta-beagle wasn’t high on her list of must do thangs.

Sigh.

So this bitch now has another sorta-beagle.

He is micro-chipped, but the phone number associated with his chip number has been disconnected.

C-Money contacted the shelters but no hits so far. We’re going to post signs.

But what can I do other than treat this minified beagle mix as I would hope someone would treat Betsey?

So, we’ve already been to the vet…gotten shots and been checked out…which resulted in his being diagnosed with eye and ear infections. The worst of his dramas seems to be a weird back leg issue that our vet needs additional testing to diagnose. This new sorta-beagle doesn’t exactly have control of his back legs…they kind of go as they wish and he has trouble pushing off. He’s not in pain. He just walks funny as hell.

Anyhoo, I’m approaching this as a foster situation until it is clear his family can’t be located.

But we’ve named him Thelonious...Theo for short...just in case!

I'll post pictures if Theo officially becomes family.

Black + woman = ignored voter...

The other day a bitch caught the ass end of a news blip announcing that Senator Clinton will be launching a campaign to court women voters. A commentator on CNN then began chatting about Senator Clinton’s renewed focus on women and added that the Senator will need women voters more than ever now that Senator Obama has gained serious ground with black voters.

Blink.

Pundits do realize that women can be both a woman and black at the same time don’t they?

Lawd, have give me strength!

A bitch has some questions.

Is Senator Clinton losing (wink) ground with black voters or black male voters?

Has anyone looked into what percent of the black vote is made up of women and how that breaks out regionally?

And please…pretty please with Smarties on top…don’t limit your sampling or polling to the ‘hood. Not that there is anything wrong with the ‘hood (wink) but just as black voters can also be women voters…cough…black people can live outside of the traditional ‘hood.

Gasp!

A bitch is merely suggesting that pundits and candidates might want to get to know their data lest they miss out on an opportunity…or loose ground with black women voters who are waiting for someone to speak to us rather than {insert media go-to black male with no grasp of the unique concerns of women of color yet a long list of tried and true sound bite statements from back in the day when the pulpit was to the black man what Rome was to Caesar}.

Which leads me to yet another question.

How about so-called black organizations that may be dropping in membership but for some reason still get candidates booked for tired ass luncheons…when you speak at the luncheon are you speaking to black voters or a room full of black people?

I’m just asking and there is a difference.

This bitch has been involved in voter registration for years and I can’t remember the last time a candidate reached out to black women voters. Oh, they’ve reached out to black men…to black church folk…to black community leaders. But they missed my never miss an election even when I’m tired as hell and really want to black woman voter ass by a mile.

Which circles me back to the reason this shit annoys the hell out of me.

Pundits falling victim to the ‘women are white and blacks are male’ tried and so not true bullshit are an annoyance.

Candidates and campaigns buying into that shit are a damned shame and unworthy of the vote they fail to court whilst courting votes. Between the black and white of demographic strategy are shades of gray…trust a bitch, 'cause I'm one of them…that represent voters waiting to be courted for who we are rather than who we have been traditionally seen as.

And if you want to know what black women voters are looking for in a President try asking black women who vote.

Then shut the fuck up and listen.

Forbidden Fashion Show this Friday!

A bitch will be getting my socialization on tomorrow night at the Forbidden Fashion Show.

Blink.

Why oh why is the forbidden so impossible to resist?

Sigh.

Anyhoo…

What... Forbidden Fashion Show with Spring’s Hottest & Funkiest Designers

When... Friday March 9, 2007 @ 7 p.m.

First Show (Day Wear) 8 p.m.
Second Show (Evening/Cocktail Wear) 9:30 p.m.

Where... The Mad Art Gallery/2727 12th Street in Soulard

The Damage... $40 tickets sold at the door or go online to www.thetimeboutique.net

The Goods... One free Subcontinental provided by The Royale, yummy food provided by Seasonings Catering, Cunettos and Atomic Cowboy…and a complimentary gift bag full of lots of goodies.

Fantabulous.

The Other F-Word...

Shall we begin?

A certain AF1 has emerged from service in Iraq with questions about why Anna Nicole Smith made the news whilst in-depth coverage of Iraq war casualties took a back seat.

First of all, welcome back home AF1! A bitch was fretting about you…and missing our comment-based debates (wink). I sincerely hope you have a fantabulous two weeks home, my friend!

The frenzified coverage of the Anna Nicole Smith story is an example of what this bitch likes to call bullshit. The public adores a distraction and really adores a 'thank Gawd, I’m not that fucked up' story-based distraction. But I am forever disappointed when tabloid stories lead ahead of real shit. This morning the news chat shows covered the lottery with breaking news that two people won...ahead of war news, the Libby verdict or the turbulent stock market.

It isn’t any wonder that Americans are out of touch with the numbers of wounded soldiers and their quality of care, much less the impact on families and communities.

Blink.

But we sure as shit know that one of the lotto tickets was sold in Jersey.

Mercy.

Shoot this bitch an e-mail, AF1, and let me know how things are for you!

Moving forward…

The Other F-Word…
C-Money and this bitch held a news speculation soul-food party last might in honor of the Libby verdict. It was fantabulous! Smothered yummified goodness followed by vodka crans all consumed while watching some of the best political speculation on television bust loose in primetime.

Sigh.

Makes a bitch feel blessed to have lived long enough to witness the TiVo era.

Anyhoo, while dining on yellow cake….

What?

Oh, come on now…of course there was yellow cake. Wilson might not have found it in Africa, but C-Money scored some at the Schnuck’s market on The Hill (wink).

So, I was consuming some yellow cake with chocolate icing and listening to Larry King interview just about everyone connected to the verdict when someone read off Vice President Cheney’s response to his former Chief of Staff’s conviction.

Something like ‘Scooter served the nation tirelessly and with great distinction’ followed by how disappointed he was and so forth.

It hit me that Cheney’s statement demonstrates the ever loving tragedy of this entire fiasco.

Scooter Libby didn’t serve his nation tirelessly.

He served his boss and the Bush administration tirelessly.

By his own admission he took a directive from Cheney to go after Wilson and ran with it…and then lied to the FBI about it…and then lied to a Grand Jury about it…and then spooned up piles of bullshit in court and defied a jury to consume it.

If Scooter Libby had been in "service to his nation" he would have gone after prooving the intelligence under question was accurate with the enthusiasm with which he went after Wilson for challenging it.

I’m insulted that anyone would attempt to brand an arrogant lawless thug a patriot…and I am dismayed that journalists remain hesitant to journey down the road of what might have been had the Bush Administration put half the effort behind verification that they put behind intimidation.

This bitch ain’t buying the Libby was just following orders spin.

Cheney might call that service, but a bitch calls it felonious.

Guilty...

Scooter Libby is guilty.

Pause.

Oh…my…Gawd!

Pause.

Yes…yes, yes…oh, yeeeeessss!

Sigh.

Was it as good for you as it was for me, darlings?

Mercy.

Let the verdict feeding frenzy begin….

A quick dream-based exploration...

A bitch would like to share a bit of the dream I had last night!

Note – A bitch’s dreams are just dreams and in no way reflect reality.

Pause.

This bitch would never insult my dreams through reality based comparisons (wink).

Still rancid after all these years…
In the luxurious Chamber of Correction a bitch rested on the bejeweled thrown of bitchitude and gulped the fresh glass of water brought forth by none other than Christopher Hitchens. Hitch, whose correction is an on-going project, had spent the day fulfilling his task of collecting rain water from the leaves of tropical plants for a bitch’s pleasure.

Before me bound to the Four Points of Correction was Ann Coulter. This bitch calmly sipped my water whilst observing the reigning Queen of Rancidity.

“C’mon! It was just a joke!” Ann shot out in that nails on a chalkboard voice of hers.

Drawing out the Wrathful Rod of Correction I silenced Ann.

“Did I give you leave to speak, you vile emaciated wretch?” I asked. “Clearly you are in need of some serious instruction!”

A bitch turned towards Ann and gagged her carefully for fear of cutting myself on the sharp edges of her protruding eye sockets and cheekbones.

I deliberated on the issue of Ann’s lack of humanity and came to the conclusion that her home environment was not providing the kind of family values this bitch believes in. Blink. No matter how I looked at the situation…and we’re talking years of data documenting her downward spiral into pure rancidity…I came back to one clear fact.

Ann Coulter lacks home training.

Inspired, a bitch called forth some mothering options into the Chamber of Correction.

“Ann Coulter has been sentenced to 10 years of home training followed by 50 years of probation-based correction. I’m searching for the proper home to give her this training."

Madonna stepped up…"I think that’s brilliant! Brilliant! How jolly to be able to save a life. Give Ann Coulter to me. All I’ll need is a camera crew…we’ll set it in a village…and my public relations folks will have to draft a release…oh, and I’ll need three weeks to rehearse the dance sequence so…”

“Shut up. Gawd, woman! I’m trying to correct this wretched beast not position her as an extension of your brand. And who the fuck uses jolly in a sentence? Get thee gone!”

A bitch grasped my goblet of vodka cran and motioned Patricia Heaton forward.

“Uh, is this a church? I don’t see what the problem is with Ann. I mean, were any fetuses or cells that may or may not develop into fetuses destroyed during her speech? Am I missing something? What? Is Ann Coulter a ballot initiative? Because I’m more than willing to step up for and call protecting ballot initiative! Just let me contact my public relations staff, agent, the press…oh, and my make-up artist…”

A bitch drained the goblet of vodka cran.

“Cease woman! Gawd, there are no words. Get thee from my sight!”

Disgusted, a bitch was prepared to give up and banish Ann Coulter into a cage to deal with later when out of nowhere an orangish-pink complected figure appeared.

“Katie Couric? What the fuck?”

“Well, I’m looking for a ratings boost if you know what I mean. And, well heck I just don’t think Ann Coulter is very nice. What ever happened to nice, anyway? So, I though…gosh, I’m a mother and I know all about nice and home training. Why not visit the Chamber of…well, can I say that on television? What I mean is that I am willing to tackle the training of Ann Coulter!”

A bitch leaned back and slowly smiled.

“You’re on, Couric. Go forth and attempt to teach this nastified stank monster how to be nice!”

My dream faded away to the sound of Katie Couric lecturing Ann Coulter-Couric about "nice words" and proper perky behavior…followed by the soothing sound of Ann Coulter screaming.

And then I woke up!

Fantabulous.

Hold please...

A bitch is dealing with technical drama.

Blame in on The Man (wink).

Anyhoo, bitchitude shall be a wee bit delayed...

By request – A Bitchfirmation for Mark…

A bitch received an e-mail this morning from some soldiers who shall remain nameless (don’t y’all know that The Man is watching a bitch?) who wanted this bitch to know how much they enjoy my crazy ass blog.

What?

A bitch has fans in the military...or did y'all think only conservative blogs were read over there?

Shit.

Anyhoo, thank you for reading a bitch...however you manage to read a bitch.

It seems that a fellow soldier named Mark, who was wounded and is recovering back home in the states, is a St. Louis native.

Ahem.

Mark?

Yes, you!

Are you paying attention?!?

Your pals thought you’d get a kick out of this bitch tossing you a get well soon bitchfirmation!

So, listen up Mark of the wounded but not broken…

Mend damnit!

Mend like you know you can.

For the love of all things incentive-based, St. Louis in the spring awaits you and you haven’t even seen the new ballpark yet!

Blink.

Okay, you’ve probably got better incentives than that.

But shit, ain’t a physical therapy regimen been invented that you can’t handle!

Don’t you know who you are?

Rumor has it that you are and forever will be the shit.

Go on with your bad recuperating self!

Stay in touch…keep on keeping on…and know that you are appreciated by this liberal without shame working & praying towards an end to this war bitch!

Oh, and tell your pals they aren't slick and a bitch isn't sending any pictures.

Lawd, have mercy.

Toodles!

Untitled...

I’d like to thank Erin for bringing this horrific story to my attention.

A 12 year old child has died because of complications resulting from not having a tooth pulled.

Read this story…absorb it.

No one is going to argue about whether a 12 year old child has a right to life.

But I’ve sure as shit seen people argue about universal healthcare.

No one is going to argue about the tragedy of this death…about the shame of it happening in the United States of America.

But I’ve sure as shit witnessed argument upon argument here in Missouri over whether tossing thousands…and let me repeat that, thousands…of Missourians off Medicaid was wise or unforgivable in the face of the human cost.

God forgive us for speaking about budgets when a damned fool could see that preventative medicine costs society much less than emergency care.

The uninsured are Americans. They are children, disabled people and the elderly. They are the working poor that are so easily ignore despite their contributions to society.

I happen to think everyone deserves that culture of life I hear so much about.

Deamonte Driver died last week from an abscessed tooth.

If you pray please lift this child and his family up in prayer.

May this death not be in vain.

Pondering attention addiction...

Let's jump right on in...

A Quick series of thank yous…
Thank you to everyone who was able to donate in support of A Bitch’s Birthday Campaign to support PROMO.

Thank you, thank you…and thank you again!

It’s an honor to be nominated…
Lawd, a bitch has been nominated for a Koufax Award.

Well pinch a bitch and call yourself naughty!

Fantabulous.

Moving forward…

A bitch read this shit and it made my afro hurt.

Why in the name of your 15 minutes are over would Posh Spice want to do a reality television show?

She’s rich.

She’s already well known.

Why would someone already famous put themselves through that shit?

Hell, a bitch is still trying to figure out why anyone puts themselves through that shit!

I’ve come to the conclusion that attention is addictive. Mmmhmm, I think some people get addicted to attention and will get their fix by any means available!

This bitch is a people watcher and I’ve actually seen this attention addiction in action. The drama hounds…and we all know one…who can’t seem to go a week without something mean/unacceptable/outrageous/devastating happening to them that turns out to not be all that mean/unacceptable/outrageous/devastating after the over the top yet amazingly lame recounting of it.

Ugh.

Drama hounds start conversations with deliberately vague statements that beg for the “what happened?” and “are you okay?” response from their target. You can sure as shit trust that a bitch is not the one to enter into a lengthy discussion about whether or not management should be contacted over the rudeness of staff at some burger joint. And Lawd knows drama hounds wouldn’t know rude if it jumped up and bit them in the ass.

Pause.

Come to think of it, a ass biting incident would be worthy of discussion...but do I ever get tossed one of those during coffee breaks?

Nope. That would be too much like right!

But I digress…

Posh Spice’s reality television deal is proof that Paris Hiltonification is now a global epidemic in need of a cure! Trust a bitch...this menace needs to be wiped out or the world will be overtaken by drama hounds and those who pander to them!

Ratings used to take care of this shit for us, but the masses are clearly in the throws of some sort of Soylent Green effect having been conditioned to consume without question.

Soylent Green is people!

People, I tell you!

Gasp…breath deep…pull self together.

Whew.

Anyhoo, the least Posh and her people can do is add one ass biting incident per episode as penance.