Monday, December 18, 2006


This bitch has made peace with Miss SisterGirl Cabrio. She received a new battery while this bitch received the bill.



A bitch got a jump and headed over to the local we sell batteries store to get Miss SisterGirl Cabrio the motherfucking new battery she clearly wasn’t going to overlook needing. I fretted on the drive over because I wasn’t certain it was the battery…and what if the car stopped in the middle of Kingshighway and this bitch became that asshole blocking traffic in the middle of Kingshighway!


By the time I made it to the we sell batteries store a bitch had worked myself up into a state. Fearing some illogical drama…the we sell batteries store being completely out of batteries, for example…my ass hopped out of the car and decided to leave it running while I went inside to confirm that the we sell batteries store did indeed have batteries to sell.


Fuck it, a bitch never claimed to be right in the head (wink).

I kept an eye on my car, which was parked in the deserted parking lot, as the attendant confirmed that they did indeed have my battery in stock.

And why the hell do Volkswagens have to be so motherfucking finicky about all manner of shit anyway?


Anyhoo, a car pulled up as I was finishing the paperwork and I turned to note a woman of a certain age come into the building.

“You ought to be ashamed leaving that baby in that car!”

I turned around to see who the hell she was speaking to, because this bitch doesn't have any babies and certainly didn't have any in my car.

“If I was a thief I would have taken that car and your baby with it!” she continued, her judgment filled eyes holding me captive against the counter.

“Ma’am, I don’t have a baby and there certainly isn’t a baby in my car.” I replied slowly just in case the woman was insane.

Her eyes narrowed with doubt, so I led her back outside to look into the car and confirm that the object in the backseat was a box and not an infant.

Flushing with embarrassment the woman rambled out an apology as we re-entered the store.

But I was quick to brush her apologies aside. A bitch has read too many tales of babies being left in cars to be annoyed by a fellow human trying to prevent such a story on her watch.

As I drove back home I couldn’t help but wonder at the things we leave unsaid out of misplaced politeness or fear of getting involved…the things we soften that should be left painful and sharp…and the things we dismiss because of who is saying them rather than take note of what is being said.

And oh, what a wicked trick it is to convincing yourself its all just a pile of boxes.

What a wicked trick indeed...


Anonymous said...

When I was younger, someone left a baby lying in a parking lot (I think), and to this day, if I see a plastic bag on a lot, I look it over to determine whether it might not be just a bag. I also worried I'd find a baby in a Dumpster.

GayProf said...

But, there was a baby in that box, right?

Anonymous said...

"Fearing some illogical drama..."

i do that exact same thing! i always convince myself that every worst possible thing will happen. i always picture every car on the road hitting me, and every passerby assaulting me. and at borders today, i was afraid to get in the long line because i was convinced that the gift cards at the registers would run out.

i guess it's some kind of general paranoia.

Anonymous said...

The important thing to remember is not to shake the box.

J said...

I'm glad she said something, if she THOUGHT there was a baby in the car, but I kinda think she might need some glasses...

And your links made me love George Clooney even more than I already do. And I will never buy a new diamond again...not that I have in the past, but you know, just in case. ;)

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