Monday, September 11, 2006

Lists and such...

I’m going to observe rather than participating in the September 11 remembrances today...and keep my thoughts and memories to myself. There have been some amazing posts today, though...some very powerful stuff.

However, a bitch still plans to tune in and watch Scooter B’s address to the nation tonight.

Thus, a plan-like thing is required.

Ahem.

ABB’s list of needed things…
Vodka…preferably Swedish

Cran…actually, grape cran is the cran of the moment

Ice in cube form…ummm, for the drinks

A shot glass…ummm, for the shots

Lots of water…because this bitch has to go to work tomorrow

Multitudes of Excedrin…because this speech is guaranteed to give me a headache, whether my ass has been drinking or not.

A legal pad…to jot down all manner of shit.

A sorta-beagle…to snore loudly beside a bitch and remind me that all is not rancid in the world.

Pause…and review.

Oh shit!

TiVo…because it is worthy of adoration and absolutely required for specificity and accurate bitchitude!

ABB’s scorecard/guide for consumption…
Note – due to the anticipation of numerous September 11 references, the 1 shot per reference rule has been suspended.

Oh, and don’t drink and drive either…for the love of all that is lovable.

Exception to the note…the 1 shot per September 11 reference as justification for expanding Presidential powers on a scale that would have made Nixon orgasm for a solid non-stop hour (sorry about that visual, chil'ren) rule still applies.

Sweaty upper lip – 3 sips of vodka cran

Fidgety behavior due to odd sensation of wearing “grown people clothing” and/or gas – 1 sip of vodka cran

Cocking of the presidential noggin to the side and/or snortage through one nostril to…ummm, clear the pipes of The Decider and Chief – 2 sips of vodka cran

And this bitch plans to consume a pre-speech meal or things could get a wee bit crazy up in my living area tonight…

Toodles for now.

8 comments:

Christopher said...

Lawd ABB, you're going to be so hammered tonight that you're liable to find Jay Leno funny after that shit! Presidential addresses have been banned in my household because it stresses out the husband when I scream at the television.

CrankyProf said...

Aw, shit.

I forgot that crap was going to be on tonight. Thank GAWD I have a pile of papers to grade, 'cause I can't handle watching that poop tonight.

Mr. Brian said...

It's a good thing you have TiVo for this, because I'm betting that it wouldn't take five minutes for you to have emptied your stash due to all the 9/11 references. Oh, and if you add a 1/2 shot per "terrorist" reference, you might as well call into work tomorrow, and call the all-night liquor store for a rush delivery.....because I can guarantee ole Dumbya will pepper his speech with enough of those references to make a Chilean sneeze himself silly.

I am not Star Jones said...

what did boobus americanus say?

Disgusted in St. Louis said...

I'm heavy into the Excedrin Migraine tablets already today due to storm induced headache from the inclement weather in St. Louis.

However, I managed to capture this:

Bush & Bin Laden: Commemorating the Fifth Anniversary of 9/11

The Part Time Instructor said...

I am sure all those who died five years ago will appreciate all of your wit. It is too bad you can’t leave your politics out of something like this. Today is not about the president, it’s not about what he has to say, and it certainly isn’t about what you think. In case you have forgotten, it’s about 2,973 people who got up one morning, went to work, and never came home. The whole lot of you should be ashamed of yourselves.

ej moore said...

Try getting down with a strawberry, passion fruit thingy called Peels. It's a sort of Gen X ripple.

Then mute the TV and make up your own words.

Margaret said...

You may be needin' some hair of the dog this morning. I couldn't watch it, 9/11 is my birthday and I wasn't about to end it on a depressing note. -M