Uteruses R Us.......

It's a mad, mad, mad, mad world........

Rent-A-Uterus
Okay, this crazy bitch decides to become a surrogate for some unfortunate couple who has been trying to have a baby for 9 years. 9 freakin years! Adopt, for the love of God! I don't understand this shit. I'm not at all maternal - my dog Betsey is as close as I plan to come to motherhood and her ass gets on my nerves regularly. But why rent a uterus? And who rents out their fucking uterus anyway? This chick wanted to earn some extra cash, so she agrees to carry a child to term. In a sick twist of fate, she gets knocked up with a full litter - five fucking babies are now growing and feeding off of her body systems. Nasty! Nasty, nasty, nasty! Just the thought of five things moving around down there makes me freak the fuck out! Now here's the kicker.......she's not going to take the money because she feels bad that the egg donor and her huuuusband are going to be stuck trying to raise 5 fucking babies!

What the FUCK?!?! Thank goodness Katie and the Today Show team was there to donate a cart of baby shit from Target. That should come in real handy! ABB wishes women would grab hold of reality; embrace the fact that they weren't meant to have biological children and fucking adopt. There are plenty of nappy-headed chil'rens waiting for your ass. Jesus!

Baby Spears
Does the world really need another redneck? Britt......honey.....why are you trying to have this man's baby? Did you forget how you got his ass in the first place? Allow me to refresh your memory! His first baby's Momma was knocked up with her second child - swollen, bloated, heavy and producing stretch marks like Ford made cars in 1920. Her ass wasn't giving him any and was probably bitchy to boot. While she was elevating her swollen assed feet you flashed that unnaturally white smile and wiggled that cellulite free ass and took her man! Hello! This shit ring a fucking bell!!

Honey, you married a motherfucker who clearly will leave a bitch pregnant. And you can bet there is a long line of money hungry ho's dreaming of cashing in on your alimony checks! Whatever, bitch! And of course he wanted a baby. He's flipped the ghetto gender switch on you, girl! Now that you're bound by blood you will never get rid of his ass! Tattoos can be removed, but a baby's Daddy is a lifetime regret.

So congrats to the new class of future parents! ABB's going to settle down and watch this E! True Hollywood Story work itself out. Think about it as the red-necked version of Bobby and Whitney. Brittany's a year away from the beginning of her cocaine addiction phase......Sorry assed, crazy, barefoot-walking-into-gas station bathrooms, ghetto wedding having, no talent demonstrating, about to get big as a house red-necked bitch!

Lord have mercy!