Monday, July 07, 2008

Thou shalt not turn right without signaling…

Happy Monday, all y’all!

Let’s jump right on in.

South Carolina is going ahead with plans to issue state license plates for Christians stating I Believe. A bitch called South Carolina to ask for clarification on whether there are other religious options…’cause lots of folks believe lots of things…but the woman on the other end of the phone hung up when I announced which blog I was calling on the behalf of.

A bitch believes that was rude as a motherfucker.

Shit.

Anyhoo, a lot of folks have problems with a state issuing religious confirmations through government run programs because it calls into question the separation of church and state.

This bitch takes issue with it because it connects Christianity with the trifling shit most drivers do.

It’s bad enough when some asshole driving a Ford F-150 latches on to the bum of Miss Sister Girl Cabrio…despite the open lane right next to his ig’nant ass…and tries to terrorize me in retaliation for all of the failures that define his Calvin pissing on a Chevy logo decal of a life.

But to do that in a car sporting a license plate professing a belief in Christ is...well, damn near blasphemy!

And trust a bitch, I’ve already witnessed this disturbing shit here in St. Louis.

If I had a dollar for every time some Its Not a Choice It’s a Life bumper stickered mini van blew through a red light like some heathen seeking to embrace the devil a bitch could afford vodka for life!

And don’t even get me started on the number of times some land boat with a fish symbol affixed to its ass has cruised through a stop sign or weaved in and out of highway traffic going 90 mph in a construction zone (shame, shame and shame...y'all need prayer in your life!).

Whew.

Pause...consider...continue.

Clearly the faithful are not alone in these vehicular blasphemies……

…but they’re the ones decorating their cars with the symbols of the Prince of Peace whilst driving like bats out of hell.

Mayhap South Carolina should add a promise from drivers to represent the teachings of Christ through their driving habits oath to the state driving test?

Or perhaps they’ll be able to make do with an option to repent in traffic court…

Blink.

14 comments:

Anonymous said...

Our state has pro-life plates. No pro-choice.
http://www.artl.org/license_official.html

Kamrin

membracid said...

As Usual: AMEN.

(if that isn't inappropriate, given the topic :)

bev said...

I hope that dude in the F-150 wasn't my husband - an off-white (Sicilian) guy with a goatee? I'll have his head. He drives like a St. Louisan sometimes. No fishies on the back of his vehicle, though.

And have you ever, EVER had the audacity to walk - as in, use your feet, no engine, bi-pedality - through Clayton? I think that same pro-life minivan almost gave me a very late term abortion when it nearly hit my 7 year old!

There are some religious hypocrites here in Mound City.

Shark-fu said...

bev...
Worry not - twas a blond man.

And if you think Clayton is bad, give Chesterfield a try (shudder)...they have a mini van army out there.

WNG said...

"Or perhaps they’ll be able to make do with an option to repent in traffic court…"

HA!!! I'll be laughing at THAT one for a while. Once again my state is in the news and once again it's embarrassing. It's especially disturbing to the vibrant Jewish community in Charleston which has been protesting and has banded together with Muslims and Unitarians in a writing campaign to the Gov.
Every time I hear about stuff like this it reminds me of why I left. Then I realize I only got as far as Virginia and I sigh...

L.Jackson said...

Roflmao...and u think the title of your blog didn't turn SC into a scared fit?? That is too funny..grin!

The ones that yell the loudest are often the ones that do the least, ie, the same ones with the 'special' finger; ones that won't do anything to help anyone else; capable of talking the talk, not walking the walk. Truth be told, they scare the crap out of me!

GDAEman said...

I Believe George W. Bush will be prosecuted for war crimes.

catnmus said...

The concept of these plates annoys me, but it wouldn't bother me as much if their laws were applied fairly. However, according to the article:

"While individuals can ask the DMV to print plates for other faiths -- for a $4,000 fee -- the request would be subject to significant limits and rules not imposed for the Christian plate. Other tags could feature a religious symbol -- such as the Star of David -- but no words would be allowed.
The Christian plate will include the words "I Believe" and a bright-yellow cross on a multicolored stained glass church window.

... nor can a comparable 'I Don't Believe' license plate be issued."

That right there is a CLEAR violation of the separation of church and state. Apply the rules equally, you morons!

Time to send a donation to Americans United for the Separation of Church and State.

Clueless said...

We just moved to South Carolina from Indiana last year. This license plate baloney, combined with a Confederate flag cheerfully waving, and dozens of other little daily things (ugh, Maurice's Barbecue billboards), make me uneasy.

But here I am infringing on the majority and making them all uncomfortable, oh how dare I persecute the poor Christian martyrs, eh? :P

jeremy said...

AAAAAND I now have a new favoritest-ever blogger.

"A bitch believes that was rude as a motherfucker."

I'm wiping the tears from my eyes right now. My coworkers are wondering why I was giggling. Thanks a ton!!

Alison said...

WNG and Clueless, I'm glad to see other South Carolinians reading this blog. Is our state ever in the news that it's NOT embarrassing?

wynsters the tigress said...

you never disappoint...

Peterr said...

they’re the ones decorating their cars with the symbols of the Prince of Peace whilst driving like bats out of hell

One Sunday afternoon, I was driving in the SF Bay area a while back, in heavy traffic, and the brother of your F-150 driver must have been the guy on my tail for several miles as we all merged to join the traffic going over one of the bridges. Never mind that we all were stuck in the same mess -- he was leaning on the horn and trying to get close enough to my bumper to polish the chrome.

When traffic cleared a bit, he jumped into the lane to the right, roared his angry self past me, flipped me the bird out the drivers' window, and jumped back into my lane right in front of me.

Then he looked in the mirror, saw me in my clerical collar, and I just smiled and waved back. He damn near drove into the San Francisco Bay.

About a half an hour later, I got home and was still laughing. Mrs. Peterr asked what was so funny . . .

We're still laughing about that guy.

Frogspond said...

I am laughing my ass off Peterr!!!

I will be sure to relay that story to my best friend who is in Seminary right now and has previously blogged about that type of vehicular behavior.

and SharkFu.

You know… there is an entire stretch of Interstate 95 in South Carolina that I will not stop on cause of the scary factor. I think that we all should be able to write to the head of the South Carolina DMV to voice our opinion. We could also send the bumper sticker that I had on my truck till it fell off when I was on my way out to your neck of the woods…

“The last time we mixed politics and religion, people got burned at the stake.”