A bitch had a curious weekend.
My ass went to the circus with my play husband and a crew of fantabulous people. This bitch was disturbed by the circus…sad eyed elephants doing tricks and clowns portraying antiquated stereotypes of Blacks and Asians. Shit, no wonder Cirque is kicking Barnum’s ass. It was fantabulous people watching though. Parents snapping at overly excited chil’ren and chil’ren trying to decide what they wanted to puke three hours later. Oh, and our diversity squad of grown motherfuckers inhaling food and trash talking the clowns! Fantabulous.
Saturday found a black bitch at the Harvard/Yale football game. Rather, my ass was at Ozzie's at Westport Plaza watching The Game with alums from both schools. This bitch did not attend Harvard or Yale, but my ass did mooch from several Harvard dining halls for 4 years…yummy breakfasts. Anyhoo, a bitch was supporting fair Harvard with a bitch’s sister and new friends. My ass had a great chat with a 175-year-old Anthropologist up from Columbia MO. Great guy…we chatted about Romania and the state of American cities. Fuck the game! Well, actually the game got exciting at the end with Harvard pulling out a victory in triple overtime. My ass was busy getting up to speed on the native cultures of Alaska!
A bitch went bra shopping yesterday. Now, this is a major undertaking for this bitch. My ass hates bra shopping. Since breast size is dependent on weight for this bitch my bra sizes have been fluctuating like a motherfucker this year! Add to that…well…a bitch has serious breasts and my bras are for support and fashion not simply fashion. So, rather than being able to just go in and load up or, better yet, buy online my ass had to physically go to a store and try fucking bras on! FUCK!
As usual, this bitch parked at the wrong side of the mall and had to walk amongst the masses to get to the store. A bitch selected three of the usual bra sizes and entered the dressing room on a mission. Thank GAWD bra number two fit, so this bitch was in and out in a flash. Walking back through the mall my ass to note of conversations and interactions…ads and promotions…fashion and fucked up fashion.
The conversation that jumped out at a bitch was one between two emaciated young women outside of Torrid…the plus size vamp store with fantabulous punk wanna be stuff…
Emaciated Youth #1 with a serious attitude in her voice…"Oh my God! I can’t believe they make skirts that large!”
EY #2, following #1’s lead…"I know! It’s disgusting!”
EY #1…"I’d rather be dead!”
EY #2…"Oh God, me too!”
They then turned and walked away…a bitch assumes they had achieved their fill of hated or were moving on to Lane Bryant.
Anyway, while driving home a bitch was troubled by what these young women represent. Body image and weight are the new 'it' topics in America and clearly these young people were feeling the heat.
They were also emaciated, inarticulate, poor posture having, root displaying so my ass knows you ain't been blond for fucking months heifers from West County.
ABB’s Body Image Philosophical…
A bitch really likes my body. Really. There are cures and lumps and scars and various shades of brown. Fuck it…my ass likes it all! My associates from high school would be surprised the hear me say that, since this bitch hated my body back in the day. A size 7 and my ass was unhappy…Jesus, that’s so fucked up!
Anyhoo, with additional pounds and years of living this bitch has learned to love my body. Usually a bitch is pretty positive…except when bloated, but who can blame me.
But if you watch American television you would think a bitch should hate myself. Commercials feature tall and slim women. Plus size commercials are the worst…most of those women aren’t even large! And when the news turns to weight it’s always about disease, health problems and massive drama…oh God, America is soooo fat and those people should be sooo miserable!
Which sends the message that slim equals happy.
Which is bullshit…a bitch knows, because my ass has been both and everything in between.
Being healthy is important. Mental health, physical heath and spiritual balance are all important. But being physically fit doesn’t make you happy. Being plump doesn’t have to make you miserable.
This bitch has been single skinny and a bitch has been single large. My ass got jobs while thin and my ass got jobs while large...yeah, and a bitch lost jobs when thin and lost jobs when plump.
A lover cheated on my thin ass and other people’s lovers have tried to get with my large ass.
Get my drift? Need more?
Jennifer Anniston was left when her ass had 0% body fat. Oprah’s had Stedman through 10 dress sizes.
Get the fuck over this shit!
Being healthy is a good goal and this time of year most people start making plans to get with a program in January. A bitch just wants to extend a dose of reality to all…
Life is short. Live your slice of it loving yourself! Throw your head back and live it, for the love of Gawd!
You better believe this full figured black woman will be living it up like a motherfucker…new bras and all…