Friday, November 04, 2005

Bitchfirmations...

Okay…just one more post…

A bitch will be spending this weekend working on my book.

Sigh.

This shit ain’t easy, but it is coming together.

Long time readers will know that a bitch indulges in bitchfirmations whenever my ass needs a push.

It’s been a while since my ass posted some…

Bitchfirmations…

When faced with change…
Shit, bitch; do you know who you are? You are the shit. You are a strong black woman and you can handle this! Just because Brother Rob is no longer around doesn’t mean your whole world is going to be a vivid bore! Whatever, bitch. Adjust! You got this shit handled…

When faced with a strong craving for deep fried chicken…
Bitch, you know that shit is a sometimes food! Have you lost your motherfucking mind? You better drive on by and save that shit for the weekend. You used the PMS excuse last week! Mmmmhmmm…get your ass a sandwich!

When faced with confrontation…
Bitch, you know damned well that those heifers are the ones that should be worried. Are you in the right? Okay. Do you have your facts straight? All right then! Shut the fuck up, put some lipstick on and tell it like it is!

And last but not least…

Everyday when my ass gets ready to walk out the door…
Oh shit! Look at you! Mmmmhmmm…you know your ass is bad. Behold the woman you have become. Go forth and discover the woman you have yet to be…you sexy diva bitch!

Yep…works every time…

Have a great weekend, chil’ren!

8 comments:

Tiger Lilly said...

Fucking Right!!!

I'm printing this and putting it on my wall.

leap_b4_ulook said...

Can you tell us what your book is about?

bitchphd said...

I love your confrontation confirmation.

Re. fried chicken, like a lot of yummy treats, I kind of have a rule: only if I make it myself. THAT will keep it a "sometimes" treat for sure.

Re. looking good, I had to laugh b/c your confirmation reminded me of one of my college girlfriends. If person A complimented person B on, say, a pair of shoes or an outfit, my friend would say, "Shit, you don't need to tell her those are nice shoes. You think she don't know that? She wouldn't've put them on if she didn't know they looked good." Which I totally love--SO much more of a compliment than "nice outfit." My girlfriend and I will still say that to each other. "I like your scarf." "Shit, you think I don't know it looks good?"

cats said...

hope you don't mind, but i linked your story of the preacher and the constitution on my blog.

and... my favorite confirmation is the one about being faced with conflict. i will remember to put on my lipstick all week.

rcknrobin said...

HA! yes!

Lisa said...

I'm printing this out too. I used to think affirmations were just goofy as shit but the more I read about the theme "as you think, so shall you be" the more I know it's true.

:)

Much love!
Bex

Bougie Black Boy said...

so how's your book coming along? whats it about

Lisa said...

Oh my Gawd, I am reading this late (going thru your archives) and I think I love you.

Have a great weekend!