Thursday, May 12, 2005

While the masses were working...

A bitch was out taking care of business yesterday. My ass got a lot done! So I didn’t really know what went down in D.C. with that plane until I made it home. And let me tell you, that story was all over the news.

As I understand it, a tiny assed plane flew into unauthorized airspace and was almost shot down. Fighter jets were buzzing the city and the White House was evacuated.

Okay.

The plane turned before it got into “your ass is dead” airspace.

Okay.

The media is now chewing on whether this was the correct response, an aggressive enough response or too much drama for the level of threat kind of response and so on.

Okay.

But this bitch is obsessed with the wee little side blip that CNN, ABC, NBC and CBS just let sit there… like a stinking shit in the middle of the kitchen floor catching flies.

The Secret Service decided to not alert the President until he had finished his bike ride.

Yeah.

Take a moment and digest that.

ABB’s Concerns with the President’s bike ride and national security.

Why is the President going on a bike ride when the economy has gone to shit, North Korea has nukes and an itch it use them, Russia is sliding back into tyranny, Iraq is the war that just keeps on going and my ass is considering selling eggs to pay for gas?

For the record, this bitch hasn’t been able to schedule down time since 1985.

Scooter, get your ass into the office and govern! This ain’t the time to be seen with a fucking safety helmet on your head cruising through the forest. What is this shit? It reminds my ass of Scooter’s first term, when he took to the ranch every other week like he needed a fucking break.

“It’s hard! It’s really hard work!”

Hey asshole! You wanted this job. You fucking lied and sold your soul for it. Gerald Ford got some slack for falling and looking like shit. But you! Yeah, you Scooter! You need to take this shit a little more serious. Fuck it, a lot more serious. You have about 2000 to-dos and, as one of your bosses, I expect more. Give me some Bill Clinton bags under the eyes and a little haggardness. Fake it, motherfucker! Because when you go out and bike in the middle of a war it pisses me the fuck off!

As for national security, a bitch has truly given that shit to God. The inmates are running the asylum and I simply can’t stress about it anymore. If you’ve got a plane in secure airspace, shoot it down. If you don’t want to shoot it down, don’t. But don’t try to sell me on some kind of "system". Please. A bitch knows that this was handled in the same “It’s not my call” cluster-fuck freak out that all decisions are processed through in government. I can see it - a bunch of generals using military terms to articulate that they have no fucking idea what to do or how to do it.

Jesus!

It’s like I reached the city on a hill and found out it was a fucking Hollywood set.

14 comments:

Tiger Lilly said...
This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.
raej said...

i was stuck in a tent with a republican chiropractor for two hours yesterday. what did he have to say about W?

"i can't believe he got elected. don't get me wrong, i love the guy, but i don't know how he got to be president. twice."

notfornothin said...

i hate the mo-fo, but at least he was in wash d.c. and not at camp david.

Tiger Lilly said...

You have to admit it was really funny watching the suits run top speed from the Capitol building. The dignified women removing their shoes and hitting it gave me a good chuckle.

Nemebabe said...

How odd...this warranted tv time - but was not serious enough to curb the bikeathon?

Thats just fucking strange.

:)

It's Me, Maven... said...

"Inmates running the asylumn."

No truer words spoken today. I'll testify to that!

It's Me, Maven... said...

Postscript: I read that it was a flight instructor and a student en route to an air show. WTF kind of flight instructor is he if he flew so far off course and got lost like that? What a laughing stock! The man obviously doesn't know a magneto from his asshole!

Lisa said...

I swear, you channel my thoughts and so much more eruditely than I ever, ever could say, ABB!

Scooter on a bike - is that like "Jesus Christ on a crutch"? heheh

He is such a tool, isn't he?

BaltimoreLenore said...

They left Scooter's ass on a bike because he doesn't actually run the show.

They also left Rummy sitting at his desk at the Pentagon - you know - that place that got hit the last time terrorists wanted to see DC.

And They ley Condi keep on chattin' on some live newscast from the State Department and didn't tell her until after either.

Makes you feel all warm and fuzzy inside knowing how "hands-on" our governement is.........

Wage Slave said...

Bitch, you crack my shit up. I found your blog via a link on a site linked to some other site....in other words, totally random, But sure am glad about it. You're dead on about a lot of shit and with all the lunacy around us, you need to laugh or you'll go crazy. Keep writing!

Jeff said...

But B, if it had been for real and Scooter's ass got fried while on his Schwinn, would that not have been completely hilarious?

You know, I wonder if his bike has a little bell and the basket up front with the plastic flowers on it?

Lisa said...

I posted your comments on a choice thread on Daily Kos and you are quite popular with the peeps there!

See this link: http://www.dailykos.com/comments/2005/5/13/143032/127/37?mode=alone;showrate=1#37

We all love ya, ABB!

GN said...

I think the whole "incident" was a bunch of bullshit. Same with the "grenade" thrown at this mothersucker in Georgia. Hmm, let's see: Bush's approval ratings tanking; GOP's congressional approval rankings tanking; the war grows worse each day...and guess what?

Look, over there! Someone threw a grenade at the President. (damn, that shit didn't work, the peasants are still whining about gas prices) Look, over there! The capital is under attack, under attack I say!

I noted on my blog that right after both 2000 and 2004 elections, Cheney made headlines with his "heart troubles." Whenever things get hot, the Bush Crime Family always pulls some shit in an attempt to distract the masses from the disaster they are making of this country. I think the grenade and plane incidents are part of the same strategy.

Kelly said...

I sortof picture Scooter on a red tricycle, peddaling thru the park, decked out in his finest Osh Kosh B'Gosh short overalls, beenie on his head, lollipop in hand. Secret service wanted to wait until recess was over to tell him what was going on. They explained the planes while they fed him his Gerber Peas for lunch: "Here comes the airplane Scooter! Open wide!"