Tom, I get that freak vibe watching you paw that child. And Katie, if you're going to front with Tom Cruise to promote your irrelevant acting career at least dig deep and draw upon The Craft. I'm not buying it and video of you drawing away from Mr. Cruise as if he's got ass breath when he made to kiss you ain't helping.
Since The Great Marriage Battle of 2004, the institution has fascinated a bitch. Tom Cruise tends to mate for ten years then dump them around the same time his pre-nup reaches maturity. I've got to be honest; he's giving "marriage" a bad reputation. From the cultish intensity of his first marriage to the frosty drug-like haze of his second, Tom Cruise looks about as "in love" with his wives as a Vegas call girl trying to make her quota on a Tuesday night.
Hollywood Mating Tendencies that ABB is Tired Of
- If you're fucking, just say you are fucking. Or don't. I don't really care, but all this "we're friends" bullshit is insulting. Note to celebrities - this bitch thinks the bulk of you hit it. That's cool and I won't judge you, but stop fronting about being friends!
- Engaged in February, broken up by June, dating a new person by October and engaged again by February. This is has never been, isn't now and never will be the road to success. Straight celebrities are the only people I can think of who hit the U-Haul rental counter faster than lesbians. Slow down! Get to know a motherfucker's middle name through casual conversation!
- Arm candy of the opposite sex will not do away with the gay/lesbian rumors. Arm candy with that "Someone please help me!" look in her eyes sure as shit doesn’t help. Former arm candy going on television looking well fucked for the first time in two years post-breakup...well, that's priceless! Nice try, honey bun.
- Hollywood has seen some beautiful May-December romances. A bitch adores the Bogart & Bacall story. But, when it doesn't work, it is creepy. I feel like I'm watching a scene from China Town - The Sequel and I don't like it!
- Oprah - stop kissing ass. Stop! Stop now! You are such a Star Fucker! Oprah - we all get up and take a shit in the morning. These are just people...who try to be interesting...and often fail.
A bitch almost gagged listening to Tom Cruise talk about marriage plans and Oprah gush. Are you people fucking serious? What happened to protecting the "institution" from attack? Wake up, because the real enemy is binging on the sanctity of marriage as I type!
But this shit is okay, right.
Because it's a man on woman farce.
Want to know how Americans really feel about marriage and traditional relationships? Check out Oprah's ratings yesterday. Or better yet, how about the ratings for this shit.
Sanctified my black ass.