Monday, November 29, 2010

A bitch is back!


Shall we?

First, let me acknowledge that my sister C-Money is the very definition of fantabulous and worthy of a temple full of worshipers baring gifts while singing her praises. 

Thanks to her - for being a great nurse…for cooking a Thanksgiving meal so yummified that my back got up ‘bout it (oh no she didn't break out a fancy ass bourgie brine!  Oh yes she did!)…for reassurance and perfectly timed threats…and for picking out my Afro and then asking me if I made any boo yet.


Wink.

Now enough of all that…onward!

The death of Enid…
Last week I had a hysterectomy…my surgeon removed my uterus, which had been overtaken by a mass of uterine fibroids I named Enid, and one ovary that had been taken over by endometriosis.

The war had been going on for damn near a decade, but victory was achieved Monday November 22nd by a surgical team made up entirely of fierce women. 

Yep, I scored the Feminist All-Star Team for my hysterectomy…hooray!

Things went well.  I lost a lot of blood and required a total of five transfusions (much love to the A positive folks out there who donated blood!!).  I’d hoped to keep both ovaries but apparently I’ve been living with one functional ovary for a while anyway, so whatever.  Most importantly, I woke up the same bitch minus that heifer Enid...and that's my definition of surgical success.

Nothing left to do now but heal!

Something tells me that my life post-Enid is gonna kick ass…and that’s not just the pills talking (wink).

Thank you for being my friend…
Pause…sip water while readers sing Golden Girls theme song…continue.

A bitch appreciates all the advice and the flood of well wishes…y’all are fantabulous!

Thank you!

Pondering the experience…
Peeing on your own, passing gas and taking a shit – behold, the road to surgical success!   

A bitch has never had so many people rooting for me to pass gas and then take a shit in my life…that I know of.   

It’s like some secret cult of boo in the post-surgical world!  Just when a bitch was about to freak the fuck out, I passed gas and had the funny as hell experience of having grown ass people grin hard and damn near clap their hands upon hearing about it.

I kid you NOT!

Color me twisted, but that shit cracks me up...

...but that may be the meds working their magic.

Toodles!

18 comments:

Brenda Malone said...

Very cool that you are now on the other side of these things, stronger and healthier than before! You were missed.

So hurry hup, get your innards together and get back here--we missed ya!

LisaMJ said...

Glad you are doing better, tip of the Afro to C-Money and I hope the sorta-beagles also helped some in the healing process. Keep on feeling better.

KBO said...

So glad everything went well. We need you to get back to speaking the truf.

Sowilo said...

I know the feeling! I had the myomectomy (where they gut you like a fish, for the uninitiated), and I remember walking around the hospital floor with my IV, pausing every few steps and trying to pass gas. I didn't care if I crapped my pants, I just wanted to fart and get out of there!

Stella said...

Yay! Good to have you back. I have 2 cats charging around the place who want to assure you that there is life and joy after Enid is gone.
Now take excellent care of yourself.

Anonymous said...

I am so happy things went well. You were greatly missed. I mean for real. My whole internet system went down because you were not on it. The web was having none of it. So hooray for gas and poop and fierce women.

drst said...

Glad you're feeling better!

I remember my first bowel movement after having my ovary removed. It took a long time to arrive, so there was celebrating when it did. (And there's nothing like realizing you got up out of bed and went to the bathroom under your own power finally!)

RachelB said...

Glad to hear that you are on the mend, Shark-fu! I wish you continued healing.

Roderick said...

Congrats on a successful surgery and have a speedy recovery.

Mark said...

Much LOVE to you Shark-fu! So glad your surgery went successfully. Take care of yourself babes- I am recovering from mono, so we can both be sick together. When ya get all better I'll buy ya a vodka cran!
xoxoxo
love
Mark

SagaciousHillbilly said...

I hope your post fibroids and endomet life is wonderful. Congrats on keeping one of your ovaries!

'Drea said...

Well, congratulations on your accomplishments. :)

Anonymous said...

I'm happy to hear that your surgey was successful and you are recovering well!

Anonymous said...

So glad to hear your surgery went well, and that you'll be back to being the finest bitch in the States! We up here in Michigan wish you a speedy delivery on the recovery.

-Davey and his friends.

vyzion360 said...

You, my dear, are amazing! My mother has been fighting the same fight for a while now, and has undergone all sorts of surgeries here and there.

It is always encouraging to know that other women have fought the fight and won! It gives me hope and strength!

dante.

NancyP said...

During the process of getting rid of Enid, your bowel was handled to get it out of the way of access to Enid. Bowel always goes on strike for a while after being handled, and the sign that the bowel has returned to pushing the ooze / shit / gas downstream is passing gas. Believe me, it cracked me up to ask patients this question after surgery, back when I was a junior medical student.

I hope that you don't develop colon polyps and end up naming them alphabetically, like hurricane names.

Shark-fu said...

Nancy P - Let's hope I'm done with my body producing things worthy of naming! Thanks for the details - its good to know y'all find it funny too. Now all I've gotta do is take my time and mend!

ElizaN said...

I'm so glad you're doing well! Best wishes for a speedy recovery.