Happy Tuesday, y’all.
Do y’all remember when CNN used to be a cable news channel?
A bitch thinks that may be a question on one of those You May Be a Child of the 80’s quizzicals.
Decades ago, Ted Turner rattled the world of mainstream we’ll give you the news in primetime and you’ll like it news when he launched CNN. Cable was new…Ted Turner was a billionaire bad boy…and many thought the idea of 24/7 news was ridiculous. But this bitch was hooked…and I wasn’t the only one.
I’ll never forget watching CNN for hours as correspondents related news of the first Gulf War...and fretting as they whispered that they were hiding in their hotel room while government soldiers searched for them in an attempt to stop their coverage. Even when there wasn’t a war to cover, CNN was a source that sorta-answered the question of what the fuck was going on.
Those were the days.
Oh, I’m not saying CNN was perfect…far from it. But they used to be not perfect about the news.
Fast-forward to the now, and a bitch can honestly say I can’t quite describe what the fuck CNN is about…but sorta-news that a certain Eliot Spitzer is fixing to join CNN isn’t a sign that they are getting back to basics.
As a matter of fact, Spitzer joining CNN is the cable news network equivalent of a smart mouthed bowl haircut sporting long lost cousin/orphan child joining the cast of a sitcom.
And we all know what used to happen to a sitcom the season after a smart mouth bowl haircut sporting long lost cousin/orphan child joined the cast of a sitcom – that shit was canceled.
It's not too late...this Spitzer shit does not have to happen!
Bail out, CNN!
For the love of all that used to be a cable news channel - bail the fuck out!