Another week means another sin saturated attack on traditional marriage by a traditionally married self-proclaimed protector of traditional marriage!
Well of course a bitch is horrified!
Governor Sanford from South Carolina wasn’t just walking the earth…um, err the Appalachian Trail.
No, no, no…he needed something more “exotic” which we now know translates to mean Governor Sanford needed to fly to Argentina and have some unsanctified man-on-woman alone time with a woman who is not his sanctified and oh so very legal wife.
A brief aside - let’s call this shit what it is. Adultery. A bitch is really tired of the phrase “extramarital affair”. Something about that language fails to convey the enormity of this affront to traditional values! Since everyone and their hairdresser knows that man-on-woman marriage is a crucial…critical… beyond important component to the foundation of all things social in America...
…and chil’ren simply must…absolutely must…and you’d best just forget any examples that disprove that they MUST…be reared in man-on-woman-married-before-Gawd-and-thus-honored-by-the-state-with-tons-of-rights-and-better-than-folks-who-aren’t family units…
…people need to be made to see Governor Sanford’s expedition to Argentina for the aggressive attack on traditional marriages and Gawd fearing society in South Carolina that it is!
Pause…sip ice water…continue.
Mmmhmmm, you heard a bitch right.
Governor Sanford didn’t just step out on his wife.
He has declared war on the marriages of every married South Carolinian…their chil’ren…their chil’ren’s current crushes…the dawgs and cats that also benefit from that strong traditional values household…and the neighbors and family and friends who now must take up spiritual arms against the fearsome weapon of adultery Sanford so wickedly conjured up with his acts of adulterous freaktitude!
Anyhoo, this bitch is confused…troubled…disturbed to see reports that seem to show South Carolinians more concerned over whether Sanford used tax dollars to satisfy his desires in Argentina.
Have y’all lost your fecking minds?!?
Given how important other people’s marriages are, how can all y’all even think about forgiveness?
Aren’t South Carolinians afraid?
Don’t married South Carolinians realize that they should be at this very moment rushing to the nearest Bible loving church and dropping to their knees so they can receive some anointing as protection?!?
Lawd, have mercy…wake up people!
Why just last week I pondered the possibility that dinosaurs may roam the earth once more and eat wee little chil’ren for breakfast while dawgs and cats get married every Thursday and rivers reverse course and people spontaneously turn into pillars of salt after Senator Ensign leapt from grace!
And now here’s another politician…the now former head of the Republican Governors blah, blah, blah no less…come a’cryin’.
Meanwhile this bitch still doesn’t understand how the fuck this fucking happened?
I thought South Carolina was protected from adultery because same-sex marriage equality has been prevented from entering that state’s borders. ‘Tis so very very confusing then that Governor Sanford was able to achieve lust for someone other than his wife.
Could it be that the success of an opposite marriage is actually about the commitment of the two people who are married and not about other people’s commitments to other people?
Maybe that’s why divorce still happens in Missouri even though one man and one woman marriage has been “protected” here since 2004.
***begin to fix mussed Afro***
Well, fuck a duck.
That would mean that folks like Governor Sanford and his wife should have been spending time working on their own union instead of working to prevent other people from uniting…
…and it also means that Focus on the Family should have sent out some Wanna Protect Marriage? Focus on Your Fucking Family! action alerts to the faithful instead of constantly rustling up hate and promoting ig’nance.
***blink followed by blink followed by another pat on the Afro***
But that would have been too much like right…
…kind of like Governor Sanford telling the damn truth from jump would have been too much like right.