Thursday, December 04, 2008

A Bitchfirmation for Fal…

For Fal, because you asked.

Shall we?

When my father passed away I struggled with a lot of things. I wanted to be angry...to scream and shout and vent, because my time with him was too short. I wanted to mourn as the ancients did…to wail and moan and beat at my body until my physical pain equaled my emotional pain. And I wanted everything to stop…for motion to cease and time to stand still until the storm in my heart settled.

But time didn’t stand still.

Life moved on with freakish normalcy even though everything in my world was anything but normal.

I woke up one day with a song playing in my mind…one of my favorite songs from church that I used to sing while standing beside my father so many years ago.

I feel like going on.
Though trials come on every hand.
I feel like going on.

I hummed it as I prepared to start the day and I sang it in the shower, as tears of blessed remembrance blended with the water washing over my face.

Though the storm may be raging
And the billows are tossing high,
I feel like going on.

I sang while driving to work…and suddenly I just pulled over and knew, even as I sat in a car on the side of the road, that I wept out of love for a most extraordinary man. And I found the fuel to go on.

Though trials come…

Let yourself feel.

Let the tears flow.

On every hand…

For you will find that you can celebrate a life even as you mourn the loss of it.

I feel like going on.

And you will.

10 comments:

j0lt said...

Thank you, ABB for this beautiful post. I'm not familiar with the song, but I sure wish I'd known it a few years ago. I'll be hanging on to this one. Thank you

Freckles said...

This is a beautiful post. Thank you for sharing.

Dusty said...

I paused to think of a lost loved one, my son's closest friend.

I thought of Chris and how he ended his life roughly a year ago. But his emotional demons are silenced now, for that I am grateful.

Thankfully, Your post then made me think of his beautiful smile and his wonderful laugh..that all of us that loved him miss so very much.

Berdawn said...

On the heels of world (let's ignore) AIDS day, this was much needed.
Thank you!

Anonymous said...

Reading your post lifted my spirits today. My father passed away last Friday and I'm going through an emotional rollercoaster right now. Thank you.

LauraJMixon said...

Thank you. I'm remembering my own father, and my grandmother, and friends I have lost over the years. Your post deeply moved me.

Antonio said...

Beautiful

Kellybelle said...

Absolutely beautiful

Dianne said...

Sometimes you make me laugh, and sometimes, like now, I sit with tears streaming down my cheeks, but your posts never fail to move me.

I think of my mom, and know that I weep for love of an extraordinary woman.

mpacket said...

I always appreciate your bitchfirmations but I think this one really set a high water mark. Thank-you.