Wednesday, July 16, 2008

A purge followed by a bitchfirmation…

This bitch is overwhelmed with to-dos and have-tos at the moment. I’ve had it up to my Afro with trifling ass bullshit and unreasonable expectations.

Lawd, a bitch is actually too frustrated to practice the fine art of bitchitude!

Gasp.

Oh, that will not do.

Pause…self diagnose…continue.

I believe I need an emotional purge followed by a bitchfirmation.

Shark-Fu’s purge of anxiety, trifling bullshit and general stress followed by a bitchfirmation for my own damn self...

The purge…
I lay awake at night fretting over the things I didn’t do, the people I didn’t connect with, the phone calls I didn’t make and the deadlines I barely met. I worry that I am not a good sister to C-Money or a good sister/guardian for my autistic brother…that I am not the kind of mentor that my mentee needs in her life…that I’m a lousy dawg momma and the sorta-beagles would be better off without me…that I’m not the kind of friend I’d like to have …that I’m not pulling my weight at the two shelters I teach classes at and could/should/would teach more at if I wasn’t so bloody tired…and I worry that I could volunteer full time for political causes and not get done what so very much needs to be done.

The bitchfirmation to my own damn self…
Girl, get a hold of yourself…catch your fucking breathe and schedule some personal time immediately.

You know the word no…start saying it.

You know where your heart is, why you do what you do and what motivates your actions…stop listening to those doubts or doubters and start embracing the positivitude that has always and will continue to fuel your soul!

And for the love of Gawd, get some sleep…you’ve dark circles under your eyes and MAC Studio Fix can not perform miracles!

Breathe in.

You have purpose, motivation and strength.

...stretch towards the sky....

It will all get done or it wasn’t meant to be accomplished through you.

...breathe out.

And a schedule doesn’t exist that you can’t handle.

Go on with your bad self,...ummm, uh...self!

14 comments:

IseultTheIdle said...

A-fucking-men.

You do as much as any two people. It's not enough because there's no such concept as "enough" in the real world.

The people in your life are blessed to have you in their lives.

Believe it.

midwesterntransport said...

i love a good bitchfirmation.

midwesterntransport said...

erp, i don't think i actually wrote anything.

what i was GOING to say was: good for you for talking yourself down from the anxiety ledge. a person can never do all of the things that they hope or want to do, and it's important not to make yourself miserable or crazy over it.

you have purpose, strength and motivation. and you also need joy. joy in what you do, in the things that feed your soul. what's the point of doing any of it if it doesn't make your day a little better...or at least some days (since we know all days can't be hunky-dory).

get some joy while you bring it to others.

Anonymous said...

I can honestly say,

WOW
I'm glad I came across your blog.
Heres a link to a group, Yes to democracy .com A new founded site that is contending the masses of Pro McCain agenda groups. Please visit, join and spread the juice! Thanks and Peace.....

Anonymous said...

Shark-fu, I love you! You don't have to do a damn thing, the world is a better place just by you being here. Your blog inspires and delights me and countless other people. Go on with your bad self, and get some down time!

Love,
an adoring fan

PS. You are an awesome dawgie mom! Your beagles love you. :-)

Dusty said...

Anxiety and stress..part of life?

Oh hell yes..but it sucks and those two nasty things can fuck up the best of us...You are one of the best Shark Fu.

And don't evah forget it! ;)

Rileysdtr said...

Consider yourself hugged. Here's a (metaphysical) icy-cold vodka cran cocktail, and a gentle swat on the butt to send you back to bed with a trashy novel for a three-day nap.

Hang in there. The summer wilts us all.

WNG said...

I'm saving that bitchfirmation for, well, any day that ends in y.

Thansk for sharing, Shark Fu.

Anonymous said...

PREACH!!!!

Jeff said...

Darling, unlike most gay men who wish or think they are a strong black woman, you ARE a strong black woman. I'm glad you remembered.

(For the record, I aspire to be a strong woman from Atlanta with the surname Sugarbaker, but that's another story entirely.)

blackwomenblowthetrumpet.blogspot.com said...

Hey there!

I wrote a post last week about "The free Agency of the Black Woman" and one requirement to have free agency is to RENOUNCE the "strong black women" myth and to hang up the red Superwoman cape....no ...it is NOT our duty to put the black community on our backs and right every wrong in mankind...

No ...it is NOT our obligation to go to an early grave because we can not give ourselves permission to craft a life that has BALANCE and reflects self love....overwork does not reflect self love...and our sistas need to hear that trumpet sound loudly and clearly...

If you'd like, please stop by my blog when you have a chance...much to discuss that will be liberating....

Peace, blessings and DUNAMIS!
Lisa

Laura in L.A. said...

Awww, honey. You've got the weight of the world on your shoulders, and you need to set it down for a bit. Go recharge those batteries, and have some fun.

You're a way-good-enough-everything; so much more giving and thoughtful than most. Don't forget it. Sending you love and healing prayers.

Love, Laura

PortlyDyke said...

Shark-fu -- you know I love you. Caring for yourself is job one, imo, and those who might have to "wait" until you're ready for your next adventure will only be better for you taking care of your precious, irreplaceable self (plus, I can't think of a better model to give your mentee or your students at the centers -- cuz Lord knows most women don't get much training in self-care).

I'm sending you TWHs and I hope your trip is completely rejuvenating and uplifting for you!

Anonymous said...

thank you for sharing this and posting this. it has helped me quite a few times. i use your bitchfirmation! thank you