Sunday, January 27, 2008

State of the Union Preparedness…

Lawd, a bitch has been busier than busy!

Last week C-Money and this bitch got our debauch on at Brother Rob Thurman’s birthday celebration…ropes, handcuffs and vodka crans, oh my!...and yesterday I enjoyed myself at PROMO’s Trivia Night with friends. Hanging out with friends served to remind me that I need to hang out with friends more!

Moving forward…

Monday evening Scooter B. will give his final State of the Union address to the nation.

Pause…savor the moment then offer thanks…continue…

A bitch always watches the State of the Union and the response but listening to that level of verbalized delusional bullshit requires supplies and planning.

ABB's Final Bush State of the Union address list of needed things…

Munchables…
Chips
Queso...gotta give the recipe a test drive before the big game
Chicken pot pie...Lawd knows I’ll need some comfort food
Fudge-based brownies...yes, a sometimes food but the SotU is a once a year thang

Beverages…
Lager…for C-Money
Fresh water…for the dawgs
Vodka crans…for a bitch
Ice water…to balance out the vodka crans

Materials…
Notepad for…well, for note taking
10 pens…because a bitch has been known to throw writing instruments at the telly
And Ms. Sistah Girl Mac Book…fired up and ready to rock and roll!

The Scorecard…
Demand to make tax cuts permanent – subtract 3 pts.
Declaration that No Child Left Behind has been a good thing – subtract 5 pts

Statement about military gains of surge with no reference to lack of political reconciliation – subtract 10 pts.

Demand to tighten domestic surveillance programs and give corporations immunity – subtract 50 points

Use of the word stimulus – subtract 5 pts
Use of the word nuclear – subtract 5 pts
Any mention of New Orleans or the Gulf region – add 50 points

Any critical statement about Pakistan, Russia or China – add 50 points per country

Any admission that he will leave office having brought about a state of extreme fubar – add…ummm, uh…hmmmmm.

Fuck it, what are the odds?

Blink.

15 comments:

Femtique said...

Hey there. =) I am looking for personal entries from radical feminists on who they support for the presidential election. Please email me if you have an entry. I'd really appreciate it! It's for the 10th carnival of the radical feminists.

Lesboprof said...

What a bummer to think about listening to Scooter B after listening to Obama... Sigh.

That said, I am in for the game, as is the gf.

Could we add extra points if he actually said the word nuclear correctly??

And I would give points if he actually says the word "recession," even tho' that might hurt my TIAA-CREF.

And let's give points for real people in the gallery seats, versus snarky repub politicos.

Hope you and C-Money enjoy the pot pie, drinks, and brownies! (Damn, that sounds so good, next year I wanna come to your place to watch!)

B-Serious said...

Hey Shark-Fu. Nice blog you've got here. I'm new to the blogosphere. And, yes. I also take comfort in knowing that this will be Bush's last State of the Union Speech. So sad.

I also wanted to let you know that I enjoyed your piece on the Gloria Steinem article a couple of weeks back.

I referenced it in one of the posts on my blog. If you ever have the chance. Come check out my blog, "Operation Reach B.L.A.C.K."

It's brand new, so I'm still working out some of the kinks. But there are a few posts up if you want to take a look.

Maya's Granny said...

I was trying to figure out what supplies I would need to have on hand to make the SotU possible to watch. I'm not sure there is anything at all. I might never be able to eat or drink those things again, what with the memories that would be contaminating their memory.

Although, perhaps a chicken pot pie would be a comfort. I'll have to see.

Dave Coulter said...

Good scorecard! I just might have to break out that Guinness I have in the 'fridge for this...

Rileysdtr said...

Umm.... handcuffs? Dare one inquire?

Yankee, Transferred said...

Like lesboprof, I was wondering if there were additional subtractions (is that a contradiction in terms?) for every time he says, "NUKE-U-LER". I'm glad you're keeping score, because I will hurl if I watch the thing. Please post your analysis.

Shark-fu said...

lesboprof - yes, feel free to add point-based categories!

Rileysdtr - You'll get no debaucherous tales from this bitch but rumor has it pictures were taken (wink). Oh, and the handcuffs were of the pink fluffy sort!

somenotesonliving said...

Oh sigh...i am gonna be alone, which means the cats will hear my string of profainities.(they don't seem to mind) Its is absolutely a relief to know this is last time we are subjected to this lying bastard who does NOT hold his drugs well at all. Precautions will be take at chez PP to remove all objects that could seriously damage the tee vee as it is already on its last legs. But you know ..i really dispise liers compound that with felonious activities..and by golly a person's blood pressure rises. Its gonna take a lot of herbal tea to get through this night.

Anonymous said...

I am doing the only sane thing - going to the PROMO town hall meeting. I can read the wreckage in the next day's paper. I just have the hardest time sitting through a whole SOTU or debate without wanting to put on some Three Stooges.

NancyP

Dusty said...

Oh lawd Shark Fu, you are so right! A certain measure of alcohol is needed to watch the bullshit and bravado that will be spewed this evening from both sides of the aisle. ;)

Maureen O'Danu said...

Hey, ABB, enjoy the fun. I have to watch excerpts, later, because two hours of sustained lying is more than I can handle.

Maven said...

I'm so happy I'll bake a cake! Thanks for the 411!

Anonymous said...

At what point do negative points translate into drinks? I turned the point system into a drinking game -- at this point, I'm shitfaced!! Or I should be.... really. G-wd, that this is his final state of the union address -- small favors.

CR said...

I told my daughters I'd watch until he said something that upset me.

I turned it on to hear, "In Iraq, the terrorists and extremists are fighting to deny a proud people their liberty and to establish safe havens for attacks across the world." And then I turned it off. The picture hadn't even come up yet.