Wednesday, November 28, 2007

The Locked Jaw Incident or How Betsey the sorta-beagle scared the living shit out of this bitch….

Note - Betsey pictures used for the post were not taken yesterday but do help y'all understand the hound in question...

C-Money is on vacation and spent yesterday dealing with a difficult furnace, carbon monoxide levels and a visit by an engine company of the St. Louis fire department.

Blink.

Yes, we have detectors…no we’re not ignoring the problem…yes C-Money is on top of the shit…no, Betsey the sorta-beagle didn’t collapse as a result of carbon monoxide poisoning.

Cough.

Anyhoo, Betsey the sorta-beagle has an issue with the mail.

She attacks mail when it goes through our slot and I mean really attacks the hell out of it. C-Money has been working with her on this while on vacation, so when the mail came through the slot yesterday C jumped up to redirect Betsey’s aggressive dawg on mail behavior.

The mail came through the slot.

Betsey the sorta-beagle dove at it and chomped down hard as a motherfucker then froze.

C-Money knew something was wrong immediately. She tried to open Betsey’s mouth but…it was stuck in the clenched down on mail position!

Mmmhmmm, Betsey had chomped down so hard that her jaw was locked shut!

She began to drool and look pathetic.

C-Money instantly went in the action. Sweetie the three legged chow was put upstairs…Theo the Bay Master was put in his crate…and this bitch got the shit scared out of me through a phone call that went something like “Betsey hurt herself attacking the mail and can’t open her jaw so we need to go to the vet NOW.”

Blink.

I flew out of my office, which is thankfully 10 minutes away, and I’m pretty sure I ran a red light at Vandeventer and Tower Grove (my bad, y'all!) then arrived in front of the house and collected the now dazed and fully drooling Betsey the sorta-beagle who was being held by C-Money.

Off to the vet we went. It felt like forever but they are only 5 minutes away (a bitch likes shit to be close).

Dr. Ed (vet of the year!) looked at Betsey and said “This is interesting.” He then pulled her lips back and exposed what I though were crushed teeth gathered in dawg foam but what was later identified as chunks of the mailing (Mattress Firm is having a sale, by the way) trapped between her locked teeth in foam.

Oh and drool….lots and lots of drool.

“I’m going to take her into the back.” said Dr. Ed.

A bitch felt faint. I thought that sorta-beagle was going to die…or need a new jaw…or lose all her teeth! Can a dawg live with dentures?

Jesus!

But Dr. Ed came back in with a now drowsy beagle, her tongue hanging out and jaw totally released. He had sedated her and then pried the jaw open with the back end of some toolish thing. It took some elbow power but pop and she was free! C-Money still has the chunk of mail released in the process.

Suffice it to say that my ass was scared to pieces but Betsey the sorta-beagle is doing fine. Darn dawg ate her kibble like nothing even happened.

Blink.

But that natural born bitch is back in the crate during the day from now on.

Whew.

I spent the entire night thinking that my dawg locked her jaw shut attacking mail.

Oh my Gawd!

Anyhoo, thank you C-Money for being dawg Aunt of the year and thanks to Dr. Ed for actually thanking us for presenting him with an interesting case of dawg medical drama on a Tuesday afternoon.

Lawd have mercy...

14 comments:

Kathryn said...

Holy crap. Just reading about it was intense. I'm glad Betsey is alright!

Anonymous said...

Great post, Fu! Betsey and the Baymaster are outside giving hell to Toonses The Cat who is teasing them just beyond the fence. Spry she is, that beagle. The mail has not yet arrived. But we got some Witnesses who, thankfully, did not push a Watchtower through the slot to test the Sorta-Beagle.

Anyway, wanted to officially recommend the Kidde CO Alarm with Digital Display and Peak Level Memory. These monitor continuously and display the parts-per-million in your home. Very accurate. When you call the gas company, the fire department, your contractor, etc knowing those numbers if very helpful. The numbers on our unit were within two points of the unit the fire company dudes brought with them ... very impressive gadget. You can have a low level leak that's not high enough to sound the alarm but that should addressed. You want zero CO. If you have a new home or a well-sealed energy efficient lair, your lack of drafts and leaks increases the risk of CO build up from low level leaks. Who knew? Our CO issue seems to be the furnace and bad basement ventilation to the alley ... we're reventing the basement to the front tomorrow ... and we'll monitor and see if that doesn't fix it. Put your fancy Kidde alarm low and away from drafts (the combo First Alert fire alarm unit I had before the detection was on the ceiling, which is appropriate for smoke, but not optimal for CO which is heavier than air ... that said, the unit worked and diagnosed this problem in the first place, so if you want to go with a battery First Alert with no fancy display, I'm still a fan if cost is an issue). Our Kidde digital unit retails for just under fifty dollars and we have one on each floor. Merry Christmas, house! I beg the Church of Bitchetude to buy the best CO monitor they can afford, read the directions, install it, test it regularly, change the batteries in the fall and spring, and if their unit sounds or displays, call the fire department and find the cause.

Oh, and if you have a beagle that attacks mail, Dog Whisper that hound! Dog lock jaw is no joke.

Mail's here! Thank goodness.

Maya's Granny said...

Was there anything in the mail that caused any of this or was it just a random accident?

Todd said...

Oh dear god, I have never heard of such a thing! At least she's o.k., but I must admit, that, after finding out Betsey was fine (I jumped to the end - I couldn't wait) this post sort of cracked me up.

bigmoneygrip said...

I am glad that Betsey is doing fine. Bless you (and C-Money) for your fast action. Years ago, my dog, Fella, had a seizure and was moaning like no sound I had ever heard. The vet was closed and the closest place was the LSU vet school, about twelve miles away and across the Mississippi. I got there in time for them to help him. Like you, I may have run red lights, etc., but you don't think of that - it is just something you have to do.

Leota2 said...

The wonderful things about dogs is usually once a drama happens to them, then ends--it's in the past. Only the poor traumatized dog keepers get the facial ticks and bad nerves.
Glad everybody--and dog body is ok.

LiberalDemDave said...

"Mattress Firm is having a sale, by the way."

Thanks for making iced tea gush forth from my nostrils!

Having a "sorta beagle" crossed with a yella lab, I can relate!

Feminist Gal said...

As someone with an also sorta-beagle all i can say is they love to cause drama! Mine decided to lick a foreign substance off the apartment building floor, started coughing, and forced me to stick my finger in said substance, smell and lick (YES, i said LICK) the substance just so i could see what my puppy was going through and whether or not i would have to take him to the vet.
Three days of burning tongue later, i realized this probably wasn't the brightest of ideas...
But Beans, my sorta-beagle, was absolutely fine...

Kamrin said...

Whew! I am glad it all ended well! Maybe this will put an end to the mail attacking, or create an aversion to Mattress Firm, not sure which one...
Good for you and C-Money on the fast action!

stljoie said...

OMG that was sooo funny. Our dog Billie is the sweetest, friendliest, most docile little dog....until the mail lady comes. The snarling attack that ensues is beyound belief!!! I never dreamed it could cause harm, other than shredded paper. Glad she/he is okay.

Shark-fu said...

C-Money - you know that cat's name isn't Toonses...You're wrong for that!

Maya's Granny - no nothing but a Mattress Firm multi-page ad. I think it was just random and I know it was scary.

Todd - me neither! And I can laugh about it now. Shit, we should have taken pictures...

I wish this would be Betsey's ah-hah moment, but I doubt it. She's stubborn and thick of skull not to mention fierce of jaw. I'm thinking we may have to keep her and the mail from each other from now on.

My nerves can't take it!

Hahn at Home said...

Phew! Incredible. Just before I sat down to read this, my 2-year-old almost grown up dog surprised me by eating my slipper, but she just threw the pieces up - I never thought I'd be relieved by that.

proudprogressive said...

Lord have mercy , i know that place. of oh my gawd is my dear pet gonna die!!?? Glad things turned out well. Nothing like our four legged "kids" to scare the bejeesus out of us..and three cheers for C -money she is the doggie Aunt of the yr.

SexyHUJournalist said...

Aww. Poor Betsey! She's so cute. I'm glad she's OK.