The State of the Union as Interpreted through the music of ABBA

Scooter B.’s Thoughts While Giving the State of the Union...as Interpreted through the music of ABBA The Winner Takes It All

Actual Transcript

Note – Yes, black people know about ABBA...for the love of all that is Swedish!

Ahem.

I don't wanna talk

About the things we've gone through (like my cowboy diplomacy and refusal to negotiate)

Though it's hurting me (more than you know...like a paper cut dipped in acid)
Now it's history

I've played all my cards (I’m no good at poker, but someone needs to take a gander at Social Security, Medicaid and Medicare)

And that's what you've done too

Nothing more to say

No more ace to play (okay…I know…it’s called a veto)

The winner takes it all

The loser standing small (and alone...so alone...sob)

Beside the victory

That's my destiny (Lawd, my legacy is tied to this shit!)

I was in your arms (well, actually the RNC Congress’s arms)Thinking I belonged there (never met a spending bill I didn’t like)I figured it made sense (fuck it, No Child Left Behind looked amazing on paper)

Building me a fence (ummm…I think of it as old school Immigration Reform)

Building me a home (ummm…in Iraq…with your money…’cause we’re gonna be there for a while)

Thinking I'd be strong there (I’m the Decider, damnit)

But I was a fool (huh?)

Playing by the rules (errr…the secret rules that Karl wrote down for me using small words and bullet points)

The gods may throw a dice (Why have you forsaken me, of Gawd of Second Terms?)

Their minds as cold as ice (give my Iraq Plan a chance…to fail…right after I leave office)

And someone way down here

Loses someone dear

The winner takes it all

The loser has to fall

It's simple and it's plain (unlike my Healthcare tax incentive plan)

Why should I complain

But tell me does she kiss (we come in peace...with guns)

Like I used to kiss you (you can have Saddam back…he's gone, gone...all they way gone)

Does it feel the same (it’s got to be better…right?)

When she calls your name (Condi!)

Somewhere deep inside

You must know I miss you (hating Iraq last year was way more funner…is that a word?...yeah, funner)

But what can I say

Rules must be obeyed (as long as the camera is on)

The judges will decide (Global warming of weather fluke?)

The likes of me abide

Spectators of the show (is it me or is the water rising?)

Always staying low (unlike gas prices)

The game is on again (make it stop, mother…MAKE IT STOP!)

A lover or a friend (Rove? Where for art thou Rove?)

A big thing or a small (can a brother get an energy plan?)

The winner takes it all (okay Iowa….three cheers for Ethanol)

I don't wanna talk (at all…ever…I’m already shipping troops)

If it makes you feel sad (like repeating historical mistakes over and over again)

And I understand (shit, I’m somber ain’t I?)

You've come to shake my hand ( do as I say not as I do)

I apologize (without specifically taking responsibility for anything)

If it makes you feel bad

Seeing me so tense

No self-confidence (cowboy diplomacy, my Yale ass!)

But you see

The winner takes it all (and if this ain’t winning what the hell is it then?)

And the chil’ren said fubar…