Wednesday, January 24, 2007

The State of the Union as Interpreted through the music of ABBA

Scooter B.’s Thoughts While Giving the State of the Union...as Interpreted through the music of ABBA The Winner Takes It All

Actual Transcript

Note Yes, black people know about ABBA...for the love of all that is Swedish!
Ahem.

I don't wanna talk
About the things we've gone through (like my cowboy diplomacy and refusal to negotiate)
Though it's hurting me (more than you know...like a paper cut dipped in acid)
Now it's history
I've played all my cards (I’m no good at poker, but someone needs to take a gander at Social Security, Medicaid and Medicare)
And that's what you've done too
Nothing more to say
No more ace to play (okay…I know…it’s called a veto)

The winner takes it all
The loser standing small (and alone...so alone...sob)
Beside the victory
That's my destiny (Lawd, my legacy is tied to this shit!)
I was in your arms (well, actually the RNC Congress’s arms)Thinking I belonged there (never met a spending bill I didn’t like)I figured it made sense (fuck it, No Child Left Behind looked amazing on paper)
Building me a fence (ummm…I think of it as old school Immigration Reform)
Building me a home (ummm…in Iraq…with your money…’cause we’re gonna be there for a while)
Thinking I'd be strong there (I’m the Decider, damnit)
But I was a fool (huh?)
Playing by the rules (errr…the secret rules that Karl wrote down for me using small words and bullet points)
The gods may throw a dice (Why have you forsaken me, of Gawd of Second Terms?)
Their minds as cold as ice (give my Iraq Plan a chance…to fail…right after I leave office)
And someone way down here
Loses someone dear
The winner takes it all
The loser has to fall
It's simple and it's plain (unlike my Healthcare tax incentive plan)
Why should I complain
But tell me does she kiss (we come in peace...with guns)
Like I used to kiss you (you can have Saddam back…he's gone, gone...all they way gone)
Does it feel the same (it’s got to be better…right?)
When she calls your name (Condi!)
Somewhere deep inside
You must know I miss you (hating Iraq last year was way more funner…is that a word?...yeah, funner)
But what can I say
Rules must be obeyed (as long as the camera is on)
The judges will decide (Global warming of weather fluke?)
The likes of me abide
Spectators of the show (is it me or is the water rising?)
Always staying low (unlike gas prices)
The game is on again (make it stop, mother…MAKE IT STOP!)
A lover or a friend (Rove? Where for art thou Rove?)
A big thing or a small (can a brother get an energy plan?)
The winner takes it all (okay Iowa….three cheers for Ethanol)

I don't wanna talk (at all…ever…I’m already shipping troops)
If it makes you feel sad (like repeating historical mistakes over and over again)
And I understand (shit, I’m somber ain’t I?)
You've come to shake my hand ( do as I say not as I do)
I apologize (without specifically taking responsibility for anything)
If it makes you feel bad
Seeing me so tense
No self-confidence (cowboy diplomacy, my Yale ass!)
But you see
The winner takes it all (and if this ain’t winning what the hell is it then?)
And the chil’ren said fubar…


14 comments:

Homer said...

That was magnificent.

Rileysdtr said...

Ow. Now see - snorting hot green tea through one's nose whilst one is whooping with laughter just isn't right. Plus it hurts. Plus now my nostrils smell funny...

samizdat said...

I tried to watch...I really, really did. But after 15-20 minutes, I realized that he was basically telling the Dems "FUCK YOU! If you think I'm going to start acting all bi-partisan and shit now, after six years of solid control and no oversight, you've got another thing coming." I am so sick of this wretched stand-in for a human being, I find it difficult to express myself without resorting to profanity. A traitor, charlatan, and a murderous despot. No better than Augusto Pinochet or Anostasio Somoza. A puppet, a thug, a petty, small-minded tyrant. Oh, fuck it. He's a fucking a-hole.

Aarlene said...

Love ABB and Love ABBA--this was a perfect storm combination.
ABsolutely cannot stand to listen to w so I put the tv on mute and C-SPAN and let the captions flow.
Only one more of these torture sessions to go , the speechifying I mean.
ABB is a bright light in a very dark time.
Thank you.

Nancy said...

BWAH HAH HAH HAH HAH HAH HAH!!!

AP said...

Very, very interesting.

Andrew said...

LOL!!!

It's Me, Maven... said...

Nothing short of divine!

Here's something amusing to counter your musical interlude, girlie.

EverydaySuperGoddess said...

Brilliant.

Jen said...

I was randomly referred to this by a friend and it is fantastic. I want to play this on the juke box at my local bar (yep, they have it on the juke box) and stand up and narrate with the video of his speech in the background.

cats said...

hubby and i turned it into a drinking game. (i think i got the idea from you.) as he said, "that was the funnest state of the union ever!"

kusala said...

Fantabulous ABBA-based goodness!!!

Amy said...

I found your blog fairly recently, but I just want to say...you're awesome!

David said...

I found your webpage just a day ago, and I have fallen in love with the antics of the ABB. Your commentary is much-needed and makes me snort my coffee.