Tuesday, September 13, 2005

Nose stuffy and mood sour...

A bitch woke up with a stuffy nose…oh shit, my ass has a COLD! This is so wrong. A bitch has shit to do! Shit, damn and shitdamn!

2 cups coffee followed by Splenda and a powdered milk substitute (no time to go to the market and get my beloved organic milk), 1 Claritin, 2 fake assed governmentally regulated Sudafed and cigs…

Thank GAWD NYPaganChick is back! A sistah missed you!

On a different fucking note...

AbsolutBilly alerted a bitch to a Katrina fundraising event coming up at Atomic Cowboy on Manchester. This Wednesday, at Atomic Cowboy, Becca (a beloved bartender) is holding a fundraiser. They are not looking for money but instead for toys, clothes, toiletries etc. Atomic Cowboy will donate a % of drink sales to the cause. There are door prizes (Cards tix, gift baskets, gift certificates, bar tabs etc). So, check it out! We need to welcome Atomic Cowboy to the Manchester strip…

Moving forward...
A bitch was trying to come to terms with my new state of congestion, when Katie Couric's dumb ass said some dumb assed shit. She was interviewing some dude about Scooter’s presidential drama…

“Can you remember a time in our nation’s history when a President faced so many challenges at one time?”

Dude in response…”Well, FDR faced a war, and environmental crisis, the Great Depression and economic instability.”

Okay, thank you for making Katie look like a dumb shit.

Katie, proving once and for all that she should never go off-script…”True, but no other President faced the threat of terrorist attacks on American soil.”

Really?

ABB’s Rant on Media Fools…
Regular readers know that this bitch cannot stand Katie Couric. My ass finds her judgmental, repressed, too nasal and generally a star-fucking embarrassment to women in journalism. Now, some may wonder why a bitch bothers to watch the Today Show. My ass feels that someone needs to monitor the highest rated morning news show…this is the shit that most Americans watch and this bitch wants to keep an eye on what they are learning.

A bitch adores history. As a result, this bitch often overestimates the average media hacks ability to reference history when mouthing off about the current state of our world. However, when a media professional actually covered an event this bitch does not think it’s asking too much for them to remember it.

Terrorists bombed the World Trade Center in 1993. Oklahoma City also suffered a terrorist attack in 1995…although that terrorist was home grown. Katie covered them both, which is why this bitch is amazed that she can’t seem to remember them. Oh, and we had a President…who was in office…when they happened. Dumb ass. Maybe if those bombings had featured Jennifer Anniston or Jude Law Katie would remember them, since she knows every pimple on their backsides.

Stop saying our ass has never been attacked on our own soil…Pearl Harbor was bombed, motherfuckers! It happened…on American soil. Oh, and just for shits and grins, a bitch would like to point out that America was invaded by the British in 1812.

During the Civil Rights struggles of the 1950’s and ‘60s there were so many bombings in Birmingham Alabama that the town was referred to as Bombingham. No one…and this bitch means no one…should view the bombings that took place there as anything other than terrorist attacks on American soil.

A bitch is tired of all the motherfucking assholes trying to put our current situation on some sort of pedestal. Scooter ran for office...the presidency didn't happen to him like an assault…he coveted an office that came with a ton of shit, because a ton of shit has happened to motherfuckers while serving as president! What you should be doing is calling his ass out for the look of confusion and surprise he has the audacity to wear on his face.

Shit is fucked up and has been fucked up before. Actually, that’s a pretty juicy story! Why the fuck are we back here again? Can these motherfuckers learn? Rip the scab off that one and this bitch will eagerly explore the texture and nature of the puss revealed.

If you’re going to cover a story then cover it well, with historical context and some fucking research.

Otherwise, just sit down and read the motherfucking prompter.

14 comments:

CrankyProf said...

Well-said.

WHat the Hell are the requirements for being a bobble-headed Today anchor, anyway? Couric needs to go back to letting them shove things up her ass on camera (maybe with a viewer call-in line, for suggestions), rather than try to come up wuth interview questions on her own.

cats said...

good thing "dude" knew some history, so few people do these days.

feel better, drink lots of liquids (besides coffee), and get some rest.

PissedOffPencil said...

The best thing about reading your blog is that I learn things about the US that ordinary aren't in the history books.

Tip for the cold, called "kaffekask" in swedish: Put a coin into a big mug. Pour some coffe in so that it barely covers the coin. Pour vodka into the coffe until the coin is clearly visible again. Drink it. (Don't swallow the coin since you might want to use it again.)

Or my german grandmother's remedy: Make some strong peppermint tea and fill a big mug a littlem more than half way. Pour some rum (jamaican rum is good) in until it's about half an inch left. Stir down a tablespoon of honey in until it's melted. Take two spoons if you feel like it. Drink it. Make another one, drink it and go to bed with lot's of blankets so you sweat it out.

And then there's "silver tea". Use any tea you like. Mix 2/3 of fresh made tea with 1/3 Bacardi Rum or, if you prefer that, Absolut Vodka Lemon, Kurant or Vanilla. I prefer vanilla, but I'm a whitey. :)

Dixie said...

Let's have duelling home remedies!

Here's how we first treat colds here in Germany. Take a medium onion and chop it as fine as you can get it. Place it on a plate and put two or three tablespoons of sugar over it. Cover the plate and let it sit for three or four hours. It'll stink like unbridled hell so put it outside or in your garage or something. After it sits the three or four hours, drain off the juice it makes and drink it followed by a big glass of water. It sounds horrible but it's really not all that bad tasting. And it'll help you get all the goopy mucus out.

As for Katie, she's so ignorant that she won't even take this public embarrassment as a hint that she needs to brush up on her history. She just doesn't get it.

cats said...

i'm all for the hot toddys (tea with rum/brandy/scotch/etc...)

i recommend something called airborne dropped in hot water.
www.airbournehealth.com. i love it, especially for sinus type stuff.

CrankyProf said...

Eucalyptus oil. I swear by it -- it was one of the only things that could clear my sinuses when I was preganant, and not allowed to take any kind of good decongestant.

Geta big ol' pot of water going to a good rolling boil, drop five or six drops of eucalyptus oil in, and breathe the steam. repeat every four hours or so. You can buy it at GNC, or any hippie health store.

BC WaterBoy said...

This boy from BC loves the bitch's take on the media. Katy Couric can be one dumb skinny ass media whore. When I take a look at how commi ass Swatzennaga could have made things right and stopped that dumb ass gay bashin from them bible lovin motherfuckers kissin the chimps ass, and he didn't. Makes one lose faith in the faithful who have faith the the world will remain faithful. Anyway, thanks for lettin me rant on the bitch, it's one great day to bitch with the bitch. Come see me at the rainbow bitch. Cheers woman.

BC WaterBoy said...

By the way, you're blog is cool! Absolutely love it. Great Job and love the language! Couldn't resist using it myself, hope you don't mind. Cheers.

Kim Plaintive said...

I feel you on the media, but Quint turned me on to this show out here in California called "Second Look" that incorporates history into the news coverage. For instance, last week they showed old coverage of past American hurricanes (and how Bush Senior was slow to respond too...)

Late Edition said...

well said ABB ... Katie Couric has been annoying me senseless for many many years ... and i'm in Australia for god's sake

MTG said...

Ahhhhh YES....ABB hits it agan.

Hammer said...

Hey ABB...
What's really funny is that the voice of the US (Republicans and Democrats, etc alike) despise the mainstream media. Why are they still on the air? Much like reality TV, etc I think it's a matter of making sure the 'critical mass' to move away from these things is reached. Mainstream media has been ridiculous for a long ass time. Katie is just carrying out her role (and making BANK in the process) in US decay.

Also, I want to tell you that I really enjoyed our conversation on Sun. Night. I mean, I was so angry on Monday and Tuesday. Which got me thinking...why am I angry. It seems like every time I get my thoughts together, there are people that make me question them. I am really getting tired of the questions. I want to focus on answer and have the faith in myself that I am right.

Either way, I appreciated and enjoyed the feedback. I went to Cornell West's lecture lastnight and had most of my thoughts affirmed (and many thoughts that were introduced/re-introduced into my thought process).

It's weird how questions, answers and affirmations happen.

I look forward to you supplying me with more reasons to question myself.

Peace !

It's Me, Maven... said...

I am of the school of thought that not only is she stripping the natural color out of her hair, but she's also stripping away what few brain cells she's been able to retain...

AND THEN THERE WERE NONE.

sources4choice said...

The problem with America is that everyone refuses to see its real history. For instance how can "scooter" as you call him stand before leaders at the UN and tell them everyone has to work together to help solve the social ills that cause terrorism, when it is a known fact that the US is a terrorist nation which bombs instead of really helping. The US is a nation who uses the IMF and the World Bank to keep people poor. The US speaks out against Cuba but embraces China. Historically it has been the same. The US killing and starving and bombing anyone they feel they can. Then people ask "why do they hate us?" Anyone who can ask that question has no sense of history. It is appalling that none of the other leaders don't tell him to sit down and shut the fuck up!

Che