Wednesday, September 21, 2005

Announcements and Warming the Globe...

Hello chil’ren! A bitch is rested after consuming a certain Sudafed Nighttime pill last evening!

Announcement #1
A bitch has a new logo, which was created by his Pontifical Greatness Brother Rob Thurman. Although my ass is fond of the South Park image, this bitch must admit that the monster ‘fro is cool! Thanks to NuggetMaven for creating ABB/SouthPark…she’ll still be around and y’all might see her again…

Announcement #2
A bitch has a CafĂ© Press store. Check it out! This bitch would like to thank the masterful Rob Thurman for our logo implementation and for all the fantabulous graphic design stuff! And a bitch has kisses and hugs for my sister C-Money who is now my official marketing pimp…

We even created an apron for a certain Live Journal diva as requested….

Moving forward…

2 cups coffee with the usual Splenda and 1% organic milk, followed by pseudo Sudafed, 1 Claritin and cigs…

A bitch checked out the Today Show this morning. Katie Couric is still looking freakishly orange, but a bitch has decided that she must like that look. Weird, but some people are driven to be different.

Another week, another hurricane…
With Hurricane Rita bearing down on Texas and the Gulf it seems that the National Hurricane Center only has four more names left on its list. And the hurricane season isn’t over until November 30! Drama!

Whatever could be responsible for the large number of hurricanes?

Katie, nasal and bright orange…"Are humans partially to blame?”

Segue into segment about the debate over Global Warming…

Global Warming position statement…Global warming has resulted in warmer oceans waters, which are the fuel fro hurricanes. The ocean water is more warm and warmer longer, so we will see an increase in the number of hurricanes and their intensity. The logical thing to do would be to address Global Warming to counter this emerging phenomenon.

Bush Administration statement…Global warming is bullshit. History shows that there are cyclical increases in ocean water temperatures and our love of pollution has nothing to do with it. Expect to see ten years of hurricane drama then this shit will taper off. Strong African winds are warming the oceanic waters, not some crazy science driven global warming crap.

ABB’s position statement…Have you lost your motherfucking mind? The increase in hurricane activity is not the only evidence of global warming, assholes. The polar icecaps are melting like ice cream in Haiti! Jesus to Gawd, how long are we going to debate this shit? What will it take for the American government to validate environmental damage? Do you have to be eaten alive by a starving Polar Bear? Fuckers! Fuck, fuck, fuck!

Hurricane Rita is preparing to rub some serious salt into the wounded Gulf and these fuckers are telling us to prepare for ten years of this shit!

This bitch wonders if my ass should be preparing for the end of days. Brother Rob, it’s time to prepare the bunker!

Thank Gawd this bitch has the comfort of my church, the United Church of Bitchitude and Latter Day Drunks, and the elixir of vodka followed by cran…

22 comments:

Tiger Lilly said...

I LOVE your new logo...and the store. Ima definitely buy that apron.

cats said...

hmm, can a white chick wear an abb shirt?

i'll have to rethink my xmas list.

CrankyProf said...

Oh, I'll have to get me a "Cook, Bitch! COOK!" apron in time for the holidays!!

They all look fantabulous!

BaltimoreLenore said...

The new logo looks marvelous.

As for global warming and Scooter's willfull blindness to that fact....I don't think they'll believe it until the ozone is gone right over their little pea brains in DC.

Sedie said...

Love the logo, global warming, of course it's going to be bullshit to them. . . they don't plan on living long enough to care. . . for themselves or their generations to come. I haven't checked the store yet, but I will!

Catherine Vocalist said...

I absolutely love the new logo and the shirts... I will have to purchase one or two or three, LOL :)

thatfarmgirl said...

The logo is it. Can a half-Asian woman wear an ABB shirt? Maybe I can be the Angry Half Yellow Bitch?!?

Shark-fu said...

Anyone and everyone can wear an ABB shirt!

A bitch is so excited about the response!

If anyone takes exception just tell them that bitchitude is universal!

dmfinny said...

I need to be up in one of those ABB joints, kid! I'ma start by buying a bicycle. That way I can get through the streets too narrow tor the tanks. Just kidding -- it's the oxycontin.

Dixie said...

How I love the new logo! It's so Here Comes the Revolution! It's so Angela Davis!

It's fabulous.

Maidink said...

Love the new logo!!!!

I shall purchase the coffe mug. It will be displayed prominently on my desk where the corporate asscracks can look at it. If they try to touch it, they will pull back a stump.

And I want to thank ABB and CrankProf for helping the bitch in me come out and rule supreme!

cats said...

i shall use my favorite 80's term: bitchin'! i just won't wear the shirt to my church (that might be a little too much for them.)

Blood Ray said...

You go with your shilling your wares self!

Shawn said...

The new ABB logo is hot.

nostradumass said...

I read an article today from commondreams.org that had an interesting point: about a week before Katrina battered the gulf coast "the U.S. government was busy insisting on the deletion of a simple phrase from the general principles of the United Nations --'Respect for Nature.'" Aaah, irony! Scooter may need to fear an Angry Black Bitch, but I think we all gotta remember the Angry Blue Bitch we call home. She can flick us off with ease if we piss her off too much.

Aside from all that, good luck on your capitalism--though I probably couldn't get away with it, being a subserviant white boy and all. Sweet logo tho.

Rhiannon said...

Black Bitch I think you and many others might want to check this article out by Marianne Williamson on this blog...
http://intuitiveinnovations.blogspot.com/....Her statement is so eloquently put yet basically says the same things you say here every day about Bush. She is warning everyone to "get their act together" or else! Its titled "People Sense Presidents Soulless Sensibility".You will like it so check it out and pass this on to everyone!..its the first post on the top of the blog.

Blessings,
Rhi

karrie said...

I love your new logo! It's so...ha-ya! It helps a former invisible girl get damn visible again.

Will purchase a mug and a baby tee when it becomes available.

YouToldHarpoTaBeatMe said...

A bitch in training was just thinking..."Hmmmm. Would the ozone layer being ripped up by all these shuttle launches (in TX and FL) have a.ny.thing to do with Global Warning? oooor is it like the Illustrious Bitch that I was spliced from once said.... avenging Slave Ghost Ships?

Judy said...

Love the new logo ABB! Congrats on the Cafe Press stuff. I'll check it out.

AOB said...

Another bitch would like to weigh in on the global warming...

I came out of Bangkok with double viral fucking pneumonia because the air there is black sooty shit.

Please please undertand that third world countries like Thailand, Indonesia and other names we cannot even spell wtihout a reference book are NOT HELD to the same environmental standards that developed countries are.

Even Taipei and especially Khaoshung in Taiwan are filthy, especially the latter.

As I travel extensively (Homeland Security has me on the radar because I have so many 5 year multiple visas) I have seem it all. Believe another bitch...this one is not Scooters....

We can spread the blame around real good on this shit.

Love the store.

disgruntled said...

Stupid cunt!
He never fails to amaze...

Bruth'a man said...

Guess you can't fix stupid!!