Monday, August 01, 2005

Making friends at the United Nations...

This black bitch had a fucking fantabulous weekend!

Friday…drinks with a dear friend at Grandma’s.
Vodka, cran and spiritual connectedness through conversation!

Saturday…baking (a bitch had to prepare a Red Velvet cake with cream cheese icing for the evenings festivities) then soul food at my play-cousin’s crib!
Red beans & rice, collards, corn bread, spicy chicken followed by blood red cake. Add to the mix several goblets of Grape Kool-Aid and vodka and a bitch as blissed! The evening concluded with some additional bonding at Grandma’s.

Whew!

Sunday...As if a bitch hadn’t had enough socialization, I took my sister to see the Sugarwater Festival at the UMB Bank Pavilion last night! Slap me and call me satisfied! Jill Scott was magnificato! Voice like a fucking Queen! Speaking of Queens, Latifah/Dana was divine. Erykah…a bitch adores your ass! After sitting in traffic for too long then hiking up to the hinterland that is the UMB Bank Pavilion, this bitch has declared that it will take another festival of this caliber to get my black ass anywhere near that venue again. Jesus! And a bitch’s allergies are on crack now, too! Shit. It was worth it! I give it 4 out of 4 bitchslaps!

Needless to say a bitch is exhausted and, therefore, incapable of bullshit.

A key player in my screenplay, All the President’s Minions, has just gotten paid off. As Dickie C. would say…Big Time! This bitch is neither surprised nor all that agitated. My ass is actually pleased that Scooter has appointed someone so abrasive that none of his off the wall crazy assed based completely on lies and built on a foundation of donkey crap plans will reach fruition. Trust me, Bolton is not a closer.

A bitch would like to examine Bolton of the Red Faced Stalker of Employees Boltons. Now, my ass does not have anything against red faced public servants. For all we know, Bolton of the Anger Management Deficient Boltons could have that skin thing that makes one’s face red.

What am I saying?

Fuck that! Bolton looks like he is one bad call away from blowing the ref. away with an Uzi at his son’s little league game! This dude is fucking crazy! Look at him! A bitch feels sorry for the poor country sitting next to his ass at the round table of unitedtude.

Really, this recess appointment is a tragedy of monumental proportions! To appoint someone so evil and nasty and over the top psycho that he will most likely not be able to accomplish anything at the United Nations now is just cruel! Where was this fiend during the pre-war negotiations?

Just imagine our world if Bolton of the BTKesque Bolton’s had been at the United Nations in 2002…

Bolton, the very image of Richard the III and spewing venom “I don’t give a rats ass if you dispute the evidence or not! Give me my war or the wrath of John shall be upon you. Remember, I kill puppies to kick off my day!”

Kofi (close, but a bitch is a wee bit bitter that my ass missed out on the whole Oil for Food corruption payoff…could have funded my cult…err…church!), looking stunned and speaking softly “It would seem that you have a bit of a God complex. We are not in a position to…oh my Gawd…get him off of me…Jesus! Security! Security! Oh…oh, the pain...make him stop! Please, make him stop!”

Bolton, his huge hands circling Kofi’s thin neck, ends the discussion.

“God complex?” he asks, licking the blood from his fingers. “I don’t think I’m God…I am God!”

The room evacuates as Bolton of the Puppy Killing BTKesque Bolton’s fiendish laughter fills the room.

MmmmHmmm.

Either way, this power move is proof that we need some serious education reform in this country! A bitch is serious! This is what happens when your President gets diplomacy and tyranny confused…

2 comments:

Elizabeth said...

I linked to your coverage, ABB. There's a funny Bush/Bolton toon here:
http://tropicalblues.blogspot.com/2005/08/nightmare-on-pennsylvania-ave.html

Homer said...

I think frowny-faced Bolton has forgotten to smile. Aren't Ambassadors supposed to at least pretend to be all nice and pleasant while they are fucking-you-to-hell-and-back? And doesn't Bolton know that big old Walrus moustaches were last seen in 1970s gay porno movies?