Monday, August 08, 2005

Happy Monday, chil’rens...!

A bitch’s sister’s bitchday…err, birthday…was Sunday! C-Money, who shall always be older than this bitch, was treated to breakfast (cheesy eggs, fried potatoes and bacon) and dinner (beast, broccoli and chocolate cake)!

Oh, and of course several vodka crans (2 cubes ice, copious amounts of vodka followed by cran)!

Happy birthday C-Money…you are and forevah will be the shit!

ABB’s Fan Community Update…
A bitch took her chil’ren’s pleas to the fan community over at LiveJournal. The fan community will be open to new members, but you must be or become a LiveJournal user (you can join for free) and it is a moderated membership. A bitch will do a separate post with details once a certain live journal fan instructs my ass on how this shit works!

On a much lighter note...
This bitch ended my boycott of the Today Show this morning. My ass feels strongly that they need monitoring…oh, and they are so generous with material for this bitch's blog. After a touching tribute to the late and great Peter Jennings, Katie reverted to shrillish form…

Give me an A! Give me a B! And another B! What's that spell? ABB! Yeah!!!!!

Katie was a cheerleader, so it came as no surprise that she latched her cloven hooves onto the Cheerleaders Help Capture Hit and Run Driver story out of Michigan. What was surprising was how very lame and uninspiring the cheerleaders where. Wake the fuck up and give me some fucking spirit, bitches! The head cheerbitch had all the energy of a long time glue sniffer. Is a bitch asking too much? The entire exchange finally came to an end with the pride of Lincoln High chanting a hit and run suspect's fucking plate number on national television!

Katie, extra nasal and suspiciously full lipped…"See, cheerleading does come in handy! Thanks girls!”

Seriously, my ass is not making this shit up. Lawd, give a bitch strength…

You’ve got to be joking…!
Y’all remember that Michael Jackson trial? You know the one. It seems that two of the jurors, who are writing books and closing movie deals, are now expressing regret for the not guilty verdict they gave Michael. A bitch has composed the following brief note to them…

Dear Michael Jackson Jurors,
Fuck you! Fuck you to heaven and hell and back to earth again! This bitch thinks you are the very definition of slime! Yes, my ass means you.

You are slime because you are trying to profit from what you willingly express was most likely the violation and sexual exploitation of a child. Basically, you are the literary equivalent of the web site operator who distributes child porn. You sick, money hungry, evil assed shits!

You are slime because you are now expressing reservations about a verdict you had the power to influence. Did a fellow juror assault you? Were you threatened? Show us your bruises. The beauty of being a juror is the power of one…or did the judge not instruct you properly? See, if you had held out it would have been a hung jury and they may have tried Michael again. If you really felt he was guilty, that’s what you should have done. Now, he can never face these charges again! Yeah! Way to go! Fuckers.

Finally, you are slime because you have the audacity to show your money hungry profiting from molestation asses on television. Shame on you for failing to fulfill your duties as jurors! Shame on you for seeking to profit from the alleged violation of children! And shame on you for being shameless.

Fuckers!

9 comments:

Tiger Lilly said...

Yes, those were the most tired ass cheerleaders I have ever seen. My bitter 30 year old ass has more pep. AND, they actually chanted out his plate number. So, why don't we all call the local DMV so that we can get his personal info to call and harrass him. They should have just chanted his name and phone number.

AND, that old woman juror, you know THE most outspoken one, is a lying old douchebag. A month ago they wwere talking about all of the great friendships that were forged, and now she is saying that she was badgered into making that decision? Mierda del Toro I say. She knew what she was doing and is going to make some money for herself now. There should be a law against jurors doing things like this. They had enough time to make the decisions, and she needs to love with this mess and shut her pruney butt up. Really, I can't believe the nerve of these people. I wouldn't want to be on television trying to explain that mess, yet they are doing it happily and trying to throw God into the mix (Oh, I Pray for that young man every day). No she doesn't. She prays for the cheese she is about to make off of this case. Ass hats!

Crystal-Lynn said...

Thanks ABB for cooking up a storm on my birthday. I'm out to let your dog out and eat the last piece of cake.

It's Me, Maven... said...

Words escape me on the juror nonsense. Truly escape me.

The Ticked Off Ohioan said...

I'm sorry you came back to the Today show only to be subjected to that shitty cheerleading story, and here I thought it couldn't get much worse than the flip-flops at the White House story...

dmfinny said...

I couldn't make a sound moral decision within the confines of the law, but I know how to make a dollar outta fifteen cents.

Karma needs to put its foot in the ass of some of these people.

deepsoul1 said...

Look i this my first time here but your MJ article struck me. I want to know if MJ's staff saw this going on then why didn't they report it then? And what the fuck we had a contract my ass wh y don't we put those bastards on trial because their just as responsible as MJ and those damn parents. write back sooon. deepsoul1

MTG said...

Oh and I love the way you describe so aptly the "K THANG' on the T'day S. She is such a THANG that she does not deserve the title BITCH.

Shark-fu said...

Deepsoul1, welcome to the land of extreme bitchitude. A bitch agrees that many are at fault, but the main man got off and this bitch isn't holding her breath waiting for additional indictments.

Karma, however, is always the great equalizer. Trust.

Sann said...

and I thoughtI was the only ABB that watched the today show heeheeheee...ok the whole cheerleader story was odd--on national news for pete's sake? But it's their own fault--you get a bunch of middle school girls up that early (cheerleaders or no) and their asses just aint gonna have no kinda pep--they're in middle school and they can be surly