Daaaaaamn, y’all – a bitch takes an extended trip away from the internets and y’all immediately jump to the conspiracy theories!
No, I'm not done with blogging....and no, I haven't been renditioned.
I’ve been beyond ill with an ebola-esque plague from hell, y'all!
It started a little over a week ago…with a light cough and sniffles…and went to shit faster than a GOP frontrunner campaigning in Iowa.
Sneezing and then coughing…and then I lost my voice.
Hell, it still isn’t all the way back yet…and I’m more than a little pissed off that it doesn’t have that Kathleen Turner and/or Demi Moore raspyfied sexiness that can sometimes result from losing one’s voice.
No…no, no, no, no, NO…I get to sound like Momma from “Throw Momma from the Train” (for those unfamiliar with that film, think Harvey Fierstein first thing in the morning after an evening of cigars and loud talking).
All the humans in the house took ill…the dawgs are fine, but tired of our shit.
At some point last week I was certain that we’d end up like those villages they show in CDC outbreak movies where a plane flies in and either drops provisions, a cure, or a giant bomb to halt the plague at the source.
By Friday this damn wretchedness has evolved to the point where I checked the front door to see if someone chalked a fucking X on it.
But this morning I woke up feeling sorta-human…still coughing but way better than before!
Just in time for me to feel healthy enough to get my debauch on New Years Eve…
…and start 2012 with a nice plague-based relapse.