Tuesday, December 27, 2011

I fought the plague...

Cough.

Daaaaaamn, y’all – a bitch takes an extended trip away from the internets and y’all immediately jump to the conspiracy theories!

No, I'm not done with blogging....and no, I haven't been renditioned.

Shit.

I’ve been beyond ill with an ebola-esque plague from hell, y'all!

It started a little over a week ago…with a light cough and sniffles…and went to shit faster than a GOP frontrunner campaigning in Iowa.

Sneezing and then coughing…and then I lost my voice.

For real!

Hell, it still isn’t all the way back yet…and I’m more than a little pissed off that it doesn’t have that Kathleen Turner and/or Demi Moore raspyfied sexiness that can sometimes result from losing one’s voice.

No…no, no, no, no, NO…I get to sound like Momma from “Throw Momma from the Train” (for those unfamiliar with that film, think Harvey Fierstein first thing in the morning after an evening of cigars and loud talking).

Humph.

All the humans in the house took ill…the dawgs are fine, but tired of our shit.

At some point last week I was certain that we’d end up like those villages they show in CDC outbreak movies where a plane flies in and either drops provisions, a cure, or a giant bomb to halt the plague at the source.

By Friday this damn wretchedness has evolved to the point where I checked the front door to see if someone chalked a fucking X on it.

Pause…cough pathetically…continue.

But this morning I woke up feeling sorta-human…still coughing but way better than before!

Just in time for me to feel healthy enough to get my debauch on New Years Eve…

…and start 2012 with a nice plague-based relapse.

Ah, fate.

Cough...sneeze...sigh.

8 comments:

Stella said...

Welcome back - you were missed. Take whatever time you need to recover and get well soon.
Loving fans await your strong non-rasping voice, dear.

Garpu said...

Hope you feel better soon! One Christmas I gave all my in-laws Martian Death Flu. You sure learn what they think of you when THAT happens.

DesertRose said...

Sorry to hear you've been ill, because it sounds like that was indeed the plague from hell. Glad to see you back-ish. Take care, take whatever time you need to recover, but thanks for letting us know you're okay-ish. Feel better soon!

mr pinky said...

Could be parainfluenza. You are loved, be good to yourself!

Rileysdtr said...

You need some Irish Nyquil. At bedtime brew a pot of very weak tea, add honey and lemon and a BIG shot of Jameson's. It warms, soothes, and by Jiminy you'll sleep good.

(For Irish coffee use Bushmill's. For tea, Jameson's. Trust me on this.)

Maven said...

Makes me think of that song, "I fought the law..." Hope the plague doesn't win!

Get some super spicy hot soup if you can. If you like Thai food, tom yum goong is awesome. Always helps make me feel better, and magically IT DOES... not just mentally. There's magic in that soup!

If I don't get a chance to say so directly, happy and HEALTHY new year's wishes to you and your family!

Hattie said...

May you be happy, healthy and ready to kick butt in the New Year.

Bill Smith said...

I just joined your blog, and I can tell behind all the ghetto, bitch lingo, you are highly educated. If not, at least you have a great command of words.

Bill
African American-Latino World
www.ahorasecreto.blogspot.com