A bitch has been knee deep in sleep.
I’ve slept more in the past two weeks than I had in the year prior.
Anyhoo, sorry for the delay – here’s an update from the post-surgery land of bitchitude!
Sneezing ain’t easy…
A lot of folks sent advice about what to expect, to do and not to do after having abdominal surgery. As a result, I launched my post-hysterectomy recovery feeling rather prepared for the weeks to come.
One thing a lot of people mentioned was that coughing, sneezing and laughing hard can be challenging. My surgeon recommended having a pillow about to press against my stomach when coughing or sneezing…and I proactively decided to avoid Lewis Black movies on the Roku for fear of literally busting a gut.
Taking the medical literature they sent my ass home with and all the advice that mentioned that sneezing could be challenging and might cause discomfort to heart, I placed a pillow by my side and called myself prepared.
Well, there’s knowing that sneezing can be “challenging” or “cause discomfort”...
…but understanding didn’t dawn until I actually experienced the awe-inspiring circle of vengeful demon pain that came in a hot wave when I sneezed.
The first sneeze nearly took me to my knees!
Muscle and tissue protested angrily as a hot wave radiated from my incision site outward, flames of pain licking at the edged of my abdomen like the tip of a whip.
Fuck a motherfucking duck, that shit hurt!
Noting was damaged and a quick read at HysterSisters made it clear that I am not alone in the painful-to-sneeze world.
When I was able to breath again I vowed to never sneeze again.
Yes, I had a pillow at the ready…but the sneeze caught me by surprise!
Just like that asshole second sneeze did the next day.
It’s gotten better…mostly because I’m quicker with the pillow…but sneezing ain’t easy!
Anyhoo, I’ve decided that the medical literature they send patients home with needs to include a more accurate…more real life than calming.
That calming language throws folks off!
Better to keep shit real.
“Challenging” should be replaced with “painful as hell”.
And mayhap they could replace “cause discomfort” with “make you call upon the gods for mercy”.
p.s. other than sneezing, things are going rather well!