Sunday, December 05, 2010

A belated update…sneezing ain't easy!


Hi y’all!

A bitch has been knee deep in sleep.

For real!

I’ve slept more in the past two weeks than I had in the year prior.

Sigh.

Anyhoo, sorry for the delay – here’s an update from the post-surgery land of bitchitude!

Sneezing ain’t easy…
A lot of folks sent advice about what to expect, to do and not to do after having abdominal surgery.  As a result, I launched my post-hysterectomy recovery feeling rather prepared for the weeks to come.

One thing a lot of people mentioned was that coughing, sneezing and laughing hard can be challenging.  My surgeon recommended having a pillow about to press against my stomach when coughing or sneezing…and I proactively decided to avoid Lewis Black movies on the Roku for fear of literally busting a gut.

Wince.

Taking the medical literature they sent my ass home with and all the advice that mentioned that sneezing could be challenging and might cause discomfort to heart, I placed a pillow by my side and called myself prepared.

Well, there’s knowing that sneezing can be “challenging” or “cause discomfort”...

…but understanding didn’t dawn until I actually experienced the awe-inspiring circle of vengeful demon pain that came in a hot wave when I sneezed.

The first sneeze nearly took me to my knees!

Muscle and tissue protested angrily as a hot wave radiated from my incision site outward, flames of pain licking at the edged of my abdomen like the tip of a whip.

Fuck a motherfucking duck, that shit hurt!

Noting was damaged and a quick read at HysterSisters made it clear that I am not alone in the painful-to-sneeze world.

When I was able to breath again I vowed to never sneeze again.

Yes, I had a pillow at the ready…but the sneeze caught me by surprise!

Just like that asshole second sneeze did the next day.

Shit.

It’s gotten better…mostly because I’m quicker with the pillow…but sneezing ain’t easy!

Anyhoo, I’ve decided that the medical literature they send patients home with needs to include a more accurate…more real life than calming. 

What?

That calming language throws folks off!

Better to keep shit real.

“Challenging” should be replaced with “painful as hell”.

Pause…consider…continue.

And mayhap they could replace “cause discomfort” with “make you call upon the gods for mercy”.

Blink.

p.s. other than sneezing, things are going rather well!

8 comments:

Blue said...

s'pose they coulda said, sneezing's gonna be a bitch ;)

Just take your recovery seriously - I had to have a c-section while in grad school, went back to the lab and teaching the next week (I was just a young invincible thing) and seriously crashed about 3 months later (when the quarter was over and I allowed myself to relax).

haphazardmusings said...

You poor thing! I hope that you are being pampered and that you have plenty of high-powered painkillers to get you through.

Lori S. said...

Your post gave me flashbacks to my C-section. Which wasn't all that bad, all things considered, but I remember holding my pillow against my incision while I sneezed or laughed, yes I do. I hope it -- and you -- get(s) better soon!

'Drea said...

That's rude that your body didn't pay attention to your no sneeze vow and I bet there's something about ab surgery that makes your body prone to sneezing.

Hope that your ab region will be less tender soon.

SL Meyer said...

Glad your feeling better. I am just so curious as to why they had to cut you wide open to do the histo. I had one 3 yrs ago. I was loaded with fibroyds too and a nasty cyst. I had a belly button histo, some call it histo light. They did laprascopicly, used a harmonic scapel and took the shit out in tiny pieces. Left my cleaned up overy and all my cervix in. I was in at 6am, on the table at 8am, in recovery at noon. Home the next day by noon. I had very little pain, none of the abdomen pain that comes from the big cut (I'd had semi-big cut for a tubal back in the 90s, hurt like a mofo for 3 weeks!) and almost no down time. I know different medical issues can be the need for a full cut, but it's been at least 6 years since the various forms of histo light appeared here in SW MO, (Springfiled region).

Not trying to get deep into your medical needs private bid'ness, but did they HAVE to do it this way? Anywho, hope you get to feeling better and up and around quick.

Shark-fu said...

Great question! I had to have an old school incision for a couple of reasons. #1 - I had a previous myomectomy that required a full ab. Incision due to the size & location of my fibroids. #2 - the fibroids had adhered to other stuff and required a more detailed removal. #3 - I lost 10lbs of tumor etc.

Two opinions and post-surgery analysis has me feeling pretty good about our decision.

Every surgery is different - thanks for sharing your procedure!

SL Meyer said...

"...I lost 10lbs of tumor etc." WTF?!?! Sweet Jayyysuss! You were walking around with a birth size set of masses. I can only imagine how much you were swelling every month. I always looked about 4 months preggers 15-20 days of the month. Had periods twice a month too. I am so happy to be free of the pain and anemia it was all causing. You will be too. Glad to you heading back into the swing of full bitchitude too.

Shark-fu said...

Yes! I can't believe it myself, but the doctor confirmed the total weight of fibroids yesterday by telling me it was like having a full term baby!

Grossed me out and freaked me out - that's what I get for wearing baggy clothes!

But I almost fainted when I saw the pictures.

Oh well - pathology came back and I'm clear so I'm feeling good as hell!