A bitch just read that scientists have discovered water on the Moon.
A lot of water.
The morning news speculated that this discovery will lead to future Moon exploration…and eventually people living on the Moon.
A bitch can’t help but wonder what the Moon ever did to deserve humans.
Yeah, I said it.
Well, shit...humans have fucked over Earth, big time!
Now that we’ve discovered a significant amount of water, some of us are setting our sights on the Moon…mostly because we know we’ve fucked over Earth and she’s fixin’ to kick our rancid asses off planet.
See, all too often our environmental drama on Earth is explored from a human perspective. People fret over whether humans will be able to live here after all the pollution, over-population and damage we’ve done.
But the fact is Earth will be just fine – if humans become extinct due to our fuckeduptitude, she’ll recover and heal and keep on keeping on. And our fellow animal neighbors are not likely to shed a tear if we exit the stage.
Hell, the United Federation of Polar Bears (UFoPB) has been calling for our eviction for decades!
I think the Moon has got to feel a lot of pressure right now. She's gotta know that humans discovered water on her...we've all but called up to invite ourselves for an extended stay that we know and she knows will be a permanent residence.
Odds are the Moon is having a massive anxiety attack…she probably explored the idea of those Polar Bears moving in first and realized that wasn’t viable…so, now she’s working overtime to cook up some new poisonous gases in hopes they will make her less attractive as an alternative residence for humans.
Mmmhmmm, and planets have turned their back on her for fear that we’ll start looking at them real hard.
Shit, Mars is probably throwing a It Sucks to be the Moon, but Thank Gawd They Haven’t Found Our Stash of H2O party.