Friday, October 22, 2010

What did the Moon ever do to deserve us?


Happy Friday!

Shall we?
 

A lot of water.
The morning news speculated that this discovery will lead to future Moon exploration…and eventually people living on the Moon.

Pause…sip coffee…continue.

A bitch can’t help but wonder what the Moon ever did to deserve humans.

Yeah, I said it.

Well, shit...humans have fucked over Earth, big time!

Now that we’ve discovered a significant amount of water, some of us are setting our sights on the Moon…mostly because we know we’ve fucked over Earth and she’s fixin’ to kick our rancid asses off planet.

See, all too often our environmental drama on Earth is explored from a human perspective.  People fret over whether humans will be able to live here after all the pollution, over-population and damage we’ve done.  

But the fact is Earth will be just fine – if humans become extinct due to our fuckeduptitude, she’ll recover and heal and keep on keeping on.  And our fellow animal neighbors are not likely to shed a tear if we exit the stage.  

 Hell, the United Federation of Polar Bears (UFoPB) has been calling for our eviction for decades!

I think the Moon has got to feel a lot of pressure right now.  She's gotta know that humans discovered water on her...we've all but called up to invite ourselves for an extended stay that we know and she knows will be a permanent residence. 

Odds are the Moon is having a massive anxiety attack…she probably explored the idea of those Polar Bears moving in first and realized that wasn’t viable…so, now she’s working overtime to cook up some new poisonous gases in hopes they will make her less attractive as an alternative residence for humans.

Mmmhmmm, and planets have turned their back on her for fear that we’ll start looking at them real hard.

Shit, Mars is probably throwing a It Sucks to be the Moon, but Thank Gawd They Haven’t Found Our Stash of H2O party.

Blink.

12 comments:

Anonymous said...

This is an awesome post. It will be extremely difficult to live on the moon. As for me, I will stay on earth, it's beautiful here.

BreukelensFinest said...

lol this is a funny ass post. but can we pause and reflect on how much money goes into space exploration that could be spent on healthcare and education? NASA is a government organization so all this moon bullshit is unnecessary. although, knowing that America has been itching for imperial expansion, i guess the only place for them to go is up...


missdeeplyrooted.blogspot.com

Mr. Toddy English said...

LOL I love this post...
So very true.
This is why I dread the day humanity is able to invent long distance space travel.
We're basically an unstoppable virus. Sadly, we know the steps to take to preserve our planet but we don't give a damn...

Jeffrey Ricker said...

Did you ever see SPACE: 1999, that '70s sci fi show about what happened when we started storing our nuclear waste on the dark side of the moon? Pretty soon the dark side glowed like a Christmas tree & the moon went rogue. I don't blame our little satellite for looking askance at us.

Rachael said...

LMAO ...

Anonymous said...

I'm reminded of a bit of dialog from Futurama, set in the year 3000:

"Wow, back in the 20th Century we had no idea there was a university on Mars!"
"Oh, well, back then Mars was just a barren, uninhabitable wasteland, much like Utah. But unlike Utah, it was eventually made livable!"

Anonymous said...

How the hell can we fuck up the Moon? - it's basically a gravel pit devoid of life and without any atmosphere. Like downtown Detroit, only more so.

Stick everything nasty and polluting up there, and keep everything green and fuzzy down here and things will be better. I'll worry about the Moon when I see it's ecosystem suffering fro- wait, it doesn't actually have an ecosystem, does it?

Anonymous said...

Almost none. That's how much money NASA has. Almost none. Not enough to make a dent in our health care crisis. Not enough to fix our schools. Almost none because politicians don't dream, and hell, why did we need the Terrestrial Planet Finder anyway?

You want to know where the money goes? Iraq, that's where. Afghanistan. Ospreys and Tomahawks. Fighter planes.

dinthebeast said...

Humans? Shit, there goes the damn neighborhood!

- Doug in Oakland

Louna said...

Poor moon! I hope she manages to cook up enough noxious gases to keep the human plague away from her.

LisaMJ said...

I agree! I've been saying for awhile that the Earth doesn't need saving. It's been here long before we came on the scene and will happilly keep on keeping on once we have wiped ourselves out. And like you say, except for domestic dogs and cat, and mice and rats, the rest of the animal kingdom will throw one big pahhh-tay when we are gone.

Colonel de Guerlass said...

Mars does not need water, as there is already beer on it...

http://www.saveursdumonde.net/produits/bieres-vins-spiritueux/biere-de-mars/